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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23032093">No One Would Miss Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyIslandWanderer/pseuds/DestinyIslandWanderer'>DestinyIslandWanderer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama &amp; Romance, Drinking, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Humor, KH2 Rewrite, M/M, Matchmaking, Non-Graphic Smut, Pining, Sexual Tension, Slow Romance, Voyeurism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:28:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>72,044</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23032093</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyIslandWanderer/pseuds/DestinyIslandWanderer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><br/>Now that Roxas and Sora’s souls have been reunited, Axel must do everything he can to protect them. He’s allied himself with Riku and Leon and made watching over Sora his full-time job. Even though he’s never liked the guy, he can’t help but notice he’s got Roxas’s sweet smile and gorgeous blue eyes. </p><p>Is Axel <i>really<i> falling for Sora, or is Roxas the one inviting him closer?</i></i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Axel/Leon (Kingdom Hearts), Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Axel/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Demyx/Leon (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Organization XIII</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>While this story is set in canon, when I first became an AkuRoku nut at the age of 13, I had no idea that there was supposed to be a huge age gap between these two, so imagine my surprise when I became aware of the controversy surrounding this pairing in the present day. I have not mentioned any ages in this fic so you are free to imagine the whole crew as whatever ages you like.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel lay in his room at Organization Headquarters, dreading the meeting that was about to occur. Xemnas had rightly guessed that Axel was no longer loyal to the Organization. He'd stopped caring the second Roxas left, and he hadn't exactly tried to hide it, shirking off missions and talking back to Xemnas at every opportunity.</p><p>He'd heard rumors they were going to turn him into a dusk, but his concern over that was far outweighed by what he feared would happen to Roxas. Axel had overheard Xaldin and Xemnas talking, and while he didn't know all the details, he knew enough to make him worried.</p><p>Roxas didn’t know enough to survive in the real world. He was too guileless, sweet, and naive. He’d had no memories of his Somebody or his past life when he first started with the Organization.</p><p>Axel had taken him under his wing, teaching him everything he knew (for better or worse). Axel had been his first friend, his first kiss, and his first heartbreak. He was not proud of how he’d treated Roxas, but he was determined to change his ways as soon as they were reunited.</p><p>He reminisced back to one of his favorite memories of Roxas. It was their first (and only) real date, and Axel had surprised Roxas by taking him to the top of a skyscraper overlooking San Fransokyo. Roxas had asked him about Castle Oblivion, and Axel had dodged the question like always, only telling him that if he knew he would probably hate him. Roxas had looked into his eyes and said the words he’d never forget: “I could never hate you,” just before he kissed Axel for the first time. Not to say it was their first kiss, but it was the first time that Roxas had kissed <em>him<em> instead of the other way around.</em></em></p><p>Axel derided himself for translating "I could never hate you" into a confession of real affection, but there was something about the way he said it that made Axel hopeful, even now, that he could win him back.</p><p>He heard a knock at the door. It was Xaldin, commanding him to come to the meeting immediately. He rolled his eyes but complied. He would have to play it cool and not make a scene if he wanted to save himself and Roxas.</p><p><em>Just act like you always used to, Axel. Be eager and sycophantic, pretend like you give a fuck.</em> It would be frustrating to suck up to Xemnas, but at least he was a naturally good liar. In a way, he'd been preparing for this his entire existence.</p><p>As he sat facing the other members of the Organization and heard Xemnas's first words, he was thankful for the resolution he'd made.</p><p>"One of you must infiltrate DiZ's alternate reality and bring Roxas back, or, failing that, destroy him. You must do it before the restoration process is complete. I need it done quickly and discreetly," Xemnas commanded.</p><p>"I'll do it," Axel responded.</p><p>"Are you sure, Axel? I know you have a fondness for him. Can we trust you with this task?"</p><p>"Any fondness I had left when he did," Axel replied.</p><p>"Fine. But you have one chance or I'm passing it onto someone else."</p><p>Axel struggled not to roll his eyes at the patronizing tone Xemnas always directed at him, (and everyone else for that matter). He also tried not to pay attention to Demyx who was almost falling out of his seat trying to get Axel's attention. Axel knew he'd be hearing about this later.</p><p>As the Organization meeting finished, he hurried out, hoping to avoid Demyx, but knowing it would be impossible. Demyx hadn't been given many missions of importance lately due to a few major mistakes he'd made, and he had a lot of free time, much of which ended up being spent in Axel's presence.</p><p>"Axel! Don't think for a second I'm not following you right back to your room!" Then whispering, "You have a lot to explain, and I'm not impressed with whatever <em>that<em> was, and this will not happen on my watch."</em></em></p><p>"Fine… fine!" Axel grumbled, opening the door to his room and gesturing for Demyx to enter.</p><p>The explosion began, just as anticipated. "So now you want to <em>kill Roxas<em>?! </em></em>What happened to the Axel from a few months ago who swore he'd find Roxas and bring him back, who wouldn't stop talking about him every minute of every day<em><em>?"</em></em></p><p>Axel was blistering under the surface, but tried hard not to provoke Demyx any further. "Do you think I'm happy with all of this? You think this was the reunion I've been planning?"</p><p>"Oh, is that right?! A job you <em>volunteered for.</em> I feel so bad for you, Axel," Demyx fumed.</p><p>"Demyx, I'm not going to make nice with you right now. I just don't have the time. You heard what Xemnas said. I have to do it now, but Demyx," he pleaded, his voice (and temper) softening, "Don't you think it should be me? Maybe he'll come back if it's me. I mean, no one else would bother to talk to him. They'd slaughter him in the crudest way possible and not lose any sleep over it." Demyx was surprisingly quiet, though Axel couldn't tell what might be under the surface of his sudden calm.</p><p>"What if you have to kill him? You'll regret it, Axel."</p><p>"No, I won't let that happen. Besides, Xaldin and Xemnas have already been questioning my motives since Roxas left. Xemnas wanted me to volunteer for this. He told Xaldin as much. It's going to happen, whether it's me or someone else, and I'm sure he'll come back with me, so that's why I'm going," he finished. Truth be told, Axel was becoming less sure by the second.</p><p>"This is so reckless and stupid. Typical Axel making risky moves with no real plan, telling everyone it will all work out somehow because <em>you<em> have confidence. </em></em>As if that would stop the Organization from destroying you. You know what? Don't bother talking to me when you come back.”</p><p>"As if you could stay away from me. Who will you babble to?" Axel smiled gently, taking a step closer. He had experience winning Demyx over, even at his angriest.</p><p>"Not this time, Axel. You're going too far. I don't care what you say. This could lead to the end for you and him. And it's <em>Roxas</em>, Axel. What if he won't come back with you? I mean, given the way you left things - I'm sorry to say it, but I don't think he'll be happy to see you." Axel met his eyes and whatever Demyx saw there made him add a gentle, "But I hope I'm wrong, Axel. Honestly."</p><p>"No fond farewell for an old friend, then? Very well," Axel said, speeding past a finally silent Demyx and towards Xemnas's quarters.</p><p>Xemnas had his back to Axel, standing in front of a roaring fire.</p><p>"So how do I get in?" Axel asked.</p><p>"It's all taken care of. I'll open the portal and you do what you can to convince the boy. Don't forget my instructions - be quick. None of your antics. If he won't come with you, destroy him. That's it. I don't like to think about what would happen if you hesitate." His tone was characteristically menacing as he opened the portal with his right hand. "I'll be watching you. Don't forget it."</p><p>Axel walked through without a word and ended up in the heart of Twilight Town. It was an almost perfect replica, yet he could sense, (though not say why) it made him feel uncomfortable. It was like a once-familiar place visited in a dream.</p><p>His first task would be to find Roxas, and he wouldn't worry yet about what would come next.</p><p>He heard a booming voice off in the distance. "And now, the match you've been waiting for: Roxas vs. Vivi!"</p><p><em>Already?</em> Axel thought to himself. He had expected he'd have time to do some sleuthing and think about what to say to Roxas when they reunited for the first time, but he couldn't resist an obvious clue like this without risking Xemnas's ire. He followed the sound of the cheering.</p><p>His first sighting was the back of Roxas's head as he faced off with a small creature in a wizard's cap. <em>Strange world I'm in, </em>Axel thought, chuckling nervously to himself. Seeing Roxas, it was hitting him with full force. This was Roxas, and besides a new outfit, he hadn't changed much at all. It was when he turned and Axel saw his profile that he really felt it, a strange, visceral mix of pleasure and fear.</p><p>And suddenly, everything stopped, literally stopped. Everything but he and Roxas. The things he wanted to do in this moment, the distance he wanted to close, and the things he wanted to say…. The worn-out anger he'd been feeling after the bluntness of Roxas's rejection faded in an instant. Axel just wanted him back.</p><p><em>But that's not the reason you're here<em>, he reminded himself. <em>You're here to put on a show for Xemnas and get Roxas out<em>. </em></em></em></em>Quick-witted, aloof sarcasm was Axel's chief area of expertise, and thankfully, he could still turn it on just like that.</p><p>"Roxas. All right. Fight fight fight!" He walked towards Roxas with a well-practiced look of derisive amusement. The perplexed expression on Roxas's face threatened to ruin Axel's facade. He looked at him as though he were a complete stranger.</p><p>Before he could catch himself, Axel said, a bit pathetically: "You really don't remember. It's me. You know, Axel?" He felt momentary relief as he realized he was still wearing his hood. <em>Of course he doesn't recognize me.</em> He removed it to see the same look as before.</p><p>"Axel?" Roxas asked.</p><p>Axel struggled for words. <em>Just be cool</em><em>, </em>he thought to himself, the lameness of the sentiment eating away at him as he uttered the dumbest thing he could possibly say.</p><p>"Talk about blank with a capital 'B.' Man oh man, even the Dusks aren't gonna crack this one," he joked, trailing a string of awkward and unconvincing laughter behind it. He was going to lose control of the situation, and fast.</p><p>"Wait a second," Roxas cried. "Tell me what's going on!" Roxas's urgency and desperation brought the gravity of the situation back to Axel. <em>Think.</em></p><p>"This town is his creation, right? Which means we don't have time for a Q and A You're coming with me...conscious or not!" He added the last bit for the boss as he summoned his chakrams. "Then you'll hear the story." As he said it, he noticed a dusk pass by and couldn't stop the next words from coming out of his mouth as he realized DiZ must be manipulating their reality, something Axel was not prepared to combat. "Uh oh."</p><p>Roxas threw his keyblade down and watched it return to his hand. "What's going on?!" he screamed. <em>He really doesn't remember it, any of it<em>, </em></em>Axel realized.</p><p>"Number 13. Roxas. The Keyblade's chosen one," Axel said more tenderly than he should have, and he knew Roxas noticed the weakness in his voice. He had to overdo it from here on out or they'd both be dead. His eyes turned cold, and he poised himself to fight.</p><p>"Okay fine! You asked for it!" Roxas responded, summoning his weapon. He should've been upset to see Roxas looking at him with rage, but Axel found it a refreshing difference from the Roxas he used to know, the one who got disappointed and despondent instead of angry. The old Roxas had emotions that Axel couldn't manage, but anger he understood.</p><p>He smiled at Roxas "That's more like it!"</p><p>Axel quickly realized that Roxas was no longer the fighter he once was. It was obvious he hadn't been brushing up on his skills since leaving the Organization. He was weak, though tenacious, and Axel had to put on a show to make it seem as though they were locked in a fair battle. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Roxas and ruin his chances of convincing him to come back.</p><p>After a brief period of fighting, Axel pretended to bend over with exhaustion. "Not bad, Roxas," he said, as he stood back up and grinned at him. Axel had flirted enough in his present and past life to assess the look on Roxas's face. Axel couldn't imagine what he had done to elicit such a response, but he could tell Roxas was most definitely interested in him.</p><p>Axel felt a rush of elation and relief wash over him. He may not remember you, but he'll fall for you again. You can start over, and you won't make the same mistakes this time, not again, and the past will stay in the past. His hopeful thoughts were interrupted as DiZ appeared in front of him.</p><p>"So it was you," Axel said, happily throwing a chakram at him.</p><p>"Roxas, this man speaks nonsense," DiZ bellowed.</p><p>"Roxas, don't let him deceive you," Axel countered.</p><p>As they yelled at him, Roxas put his face in his hands and screamed a series of unfamiliar names. Suddenly Axel was thrust back into Xemnas's study with a force that almost knocked him to the floor.</p><p>"What happened?" he asked Xemnas, who did not look at all impressed.</p><p>"DiZ kicked us out."</p><p>"Well, yeah," Axel said, "I figured that part."</p><p>"You know I don't enjoy your little <em>comments.</em> We need to get you back there. Just let me try a few things," he said as he summoned and closed a series of portals in quick succession.</p><p>As he did, Axel tried to focus on the urgency of the situation, the importance of what would happen next, but all he could think about was how Roxas had looked at him just a few moments ago. There was chemistry between them that a complete memory wipe couldn't erase. This was going to work out. Axel hadn't felt hope or joy since the day Roxas had left, and now he couldn't stop thinking about the future.</p><p>"Pay attention, Axel! I've found it. You know what to do. And do try to be more convincing. I can tell Roxas is still your weakness."</p><p>"You're wrong," Axel lied as he entered the portal once more to see Roxas surrounded by dusks. <em>Let the show begin.</em></p><p>"Look what it's come to," he boomed, forcing his usually slouched posture to mimic the tone of his voice. "I've been given these icky orders to destroy you - if you refuse to come back with me."</p><p>Roxas stared at him, puzzled, "We're best friends, right?"</p><p>Axel scratched the back of his head, a habit he unconsciously exhibited when he felt uncomfortable or confused. Noticing what he was doing, he forced his hand back to his side.</p><p>"You remember now?" He felt his heart fall and tried very hard not to show his disappointment. He should be happy Roxas remembered him, but the momentary hope of a new start had been so seductive, it was hard to let go.</p><p>"Yeah..." Roxas's voice was hesitant, and Axel could sense it.</p><p>"What's our boss's name?" he coaxed, trying to figure out if Roxas was telling the truth, but Roxas just stood there silently, helplessly, as a cloud of dusks surrounded them. As Axel summoned his weapon to help fight them off, his body froze mid-throw, and he was thrust once more to Xemnas's side.</p><p>"You know I've done <em>everything possible</em> to avoid turning you into a dusk, but at this rate, you're really asking for it. This is my final word - you must kill Roxas before we get permanently removed from DiZ's system. Do it now. If you fail, I will make sure neither of you survive," Xemnas warned as he pushed Axel forcefully into another portal.</p><p>He tripped into the grand entrance hall of an empty mansion. He could hear sounds coming from somewhere downstairs. He pushed Xemnas's words from his mind and reminded himself he could handle this. He could get Roxas out. He had made it this far in the Organization doing difficult things for causes he didn't believe in. Saving Roxas should be easy.</p><p>He followed the sounds to the basement and saw Roxas battling off another crowd of dusks. As the last one disappeared, he spoke. "Simply amazing, Roxas."</p><p>"Axel?" When Roxas said his name this time, he could tell there was genuine recognition. The tone in his voice was happy, not angry. It was the very last thing Axel expected.</p><p>"You really do remember me this time?" Axel felt all the old feelings rush back, the feelings before Castle Oblivion, before everything was ruined - their first kiss, the first time he'd slept with Roxas in his arms, blowing off their missions to kiss in hidden corners and talk for hours. Axel froze, staring into Roxas's eyes, and Roxas blushed and broke his glance, his eyes moving to the floor where they stayed. What did it mean? Axel had to know. He was closing the distance between them to ask when he was thrust back once more to the study.</p><p>"Axel, there is no time. I am calling on Xigbar right now to finish this. I would hate to dispose of you and Roxas. If you do not destroy him, Xigbar will. Consider this your last chance to show your loyalty to the Organization and save your own life."</p><p>He was going to have to put on quite a show to get them out of this. Back in the room with Roxas, he summoned an all-consuming world of fire that surrounded them both in literal flames. "You're too late, I'll make it all stop!" he shouted loudly enough for Xemnas to hear over the thrashing of the fire. He knew Xemnas would have difficulty seeing or hearing what was happening through the small portals he was using to monitor Axel's every move.</p><p>He closed the distance between himself and Roxas and whispered urgently, "Roxas, you have to leave with me right now. I'm not loyal to the Organization anymore. I'm just here to get you back, and we can't hesitate. This is all I've wanted since you left. I'll tell you the rest later." He opened a portal and took Roxas's hand, willing him to walk through it.</p><p>"No, Axel. I can't," he sighed, staring at the floor and moving his hand away.</p><p>"You're about to be killed, Roxas. You have to go, we have to go."</p><p>"I promised myself I wouldn't fall for you again," Roxas stated, finally looking into Axel's eyes. "I have to face my destiny on my own, without you Axel. I'm sorry."</p><p>Out of nowhere, Axel felt a crushing weight hit him, and his head crashed against the floor. His vision was blurry as he opened his eyes to find Roxas staring at him in horror.</p><p><em>I'm dying, just like Xemnas promised.</em> This was his last chance to talk to Roxas. "Let's meet again in the next life," he said, smiling at Roxas's bewildered expression.</p><p>"I'll be waiting," Roxas replied as he took Axel's hand and smiled back at him.</p><p>Axel chuckled, delirious. "Silly. Just because you have a next life." And with that everything turned white.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is my first time writing fan fiction in 10 years, and I’m so glad to be back at it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Riku</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel woke up hurting. He attempted to sit up, but his head felt unbearably heavy, and it was impossible to lift more than an inch off his pillow without feeling a stab of pain that radiated from his brain to his entire body. </p><p>“Ah, you’re awake.” The voice was vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t place it, and the light in the room, though dim, made it too uncomfortable to open his eyes.</p><p>“Who is it?” he mumbled.</p><p>“You don’t remember me? It’s Riku.”</p><p>“Oh fuck.”</p><p>Riku chuckled, “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“It’s never good news when I see you.” Although it was true, he couldn’t stop the slight grin that appeared on his face. He was well acquainted with Riku as a result of them both running in villainous circles. Despite this, their motives had often been at odds, and they’d ended up physically fighting on more than one occasion. Still, the truth was that Axel couldn’t say he disliked Riku. In fact, he reminded Axel of a younger version of himself (of Lea, technically, but who was keeping track?).</p><p>Riku’s tone was amused. “Well, if it helps, I’m not going to fight you today. Actually, I saved you. DiZ wanted to destroy you, but I thought you might be useful to our cause.”</p><p>“And what’s that?” Axel asked, trying to open his eyes again and wincing in pain.</p><p>“First off, we want to reunite Roxas and Sora so they can both be whole again. I know you don’t care for Sora, but wouldn’t you like to see Roxas escape the purgatory that is being a Nobody?”</p><p>“Well when you put it that way...no,” Axel seethed, his strength returning along with his anger. Why on earth would he want Roxas to be merged with Sora? </p><p>“Imagine you had a heart, just for a moment,” Riku suggested. “Try to imagine loving someone so much you would sacrifice your happiness for theirs.</p><p>“Condemning Roxas to be stuck in the body of that tiny, cocky, annoying, know-it-all? No. Fucking. Way. Riku.”</p><p>Riku burst out laughing, but Axel was not amused. “Yes, Axel, Sora<em> is </em>a cocky, annoying, know-it-all. I couldn’t have said it better myself...but he’s also my best friend, and he hasn’t been the same since Roxas was created.”</p><p>“Don’t care.” Axel was feeling his headache return with renewed force, and he didn’t know if he could continue the conversation much longer.</p><p>“I’ll be honest with you, Axel. Although that’s not what I wanted to hear, the process is 99% complete. They <em> will </em> be merged soon, and then we’ll have work to do to make sure Sora, and Roxas, stay safe. Truth be told, that’s the real reason I saved you.”</p><p>“But you’ve just told me that there won’t <em> be </em> a Roxas anymore, so what’s the fucking point?” Even though Riku’s words worried him, he was determined not to panic yet. <em> You’ll fix it </em> , he assured himself. <em> You always do. </em></p><p>“You know how this works, Axel. Please stop pouting and help me. Roxas will still be part of Sora, whether you see it or not. By protecting him, you’re protecting Roxas.”</p><p>“I hate you.”</p><p>“Because you know I’m right.”</p><p>“Because you’re taking Roxas away from me, and he’s the only person I care about.” </p><p>“I saw what happened back there. He had the choice to go with you, and he said no.”</p><p>“I don’t remember that.”</p><p>“Oh right. The hit to the head. Sorry about that. It was DiZ, not me, but trust me, it’s not what I wanted.” His apology took Axel by surprise, but not nearly as much as what he said next. “You might not believe me, but I’m about to tell you something I’ll never repeat again. Even though we’ve been on different sides of the war, I’ve always liked you, and I think we could make a good partnership.”</p><p>Axel wasn’t sure how to take this news. He couldn’t remember if he’d <em> ever </em>been complimented by someone other than Roxas. Even Demyx, his only other friend, was constantly reminding Axel of his faults. Roxas had been the first one to see the good in him, and it had changed his entire life. Though he wanted to be upset with Riku, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling a flicker of happiness, so rare a feeling for a Nobody, and one he hadn’t felt since Roxas left.</p><p>“Why so quiet, Axel?”</p><p>“Just thinking… Is Namine around?” That was it. She was the answer to his problem. She was creating this mess, and she was the one who could fix it.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Just curious.”</p><p>“Maybe we can arrange a meeting once her work with Sora is complete. Until then, you should rest.  There are big plans afoot.”</p><p>“Wait, wait. How do you know Xemnas isn’t about to barge in here and kill us all?”</p><p>“We’ve fixed the, er, issues that caused you to be able to enter Roxas’s alternate reality. We’re unreachable.”</p><p>“I hope that’s true, because Xemnas is probably fantasizing about creative ways to murder me right now.”</p><p>“Not on our watch, Axel. Rest up.”</p><p>“I’m still not happy.”</p><p>”That’s perfectly fine as long as you agree to help Sora.”  He heard the sound of a lamp clicking off and a door closing.</p><p>The darkness was an instant relief. Axel resisted rest, reminding himself he should go find Namine immediately, but his exhausted brain got the better of him, and he fell into a deep sleep. </p><p>------</p><p>When he woke up, he was pleased to find he could open his eyes wide enough to examine the plain, windowless room surrounding him. A bedside table and lamp were the only furnishings. It was still mostly dark except for a line of white light that escaped under the door.</p><p>He laid his head back down, relieved to discover he was alone. He tried to think back through all the events that had led up to this point. He couldn’t help but ruminate on what Riku had told him about Roxas not wanting to return with him. Would Riku have made that up just to convince Axel to go along with his horrible plan? He could remember, vaguely, summoning a fire to avoid Xemnas’s surveillance, but that was his last complete memory.</p><p>There was also the matter of what he should do next. He was relatively safe here, much safer than he would be anywhere else, especially now that he was on the lam from the Organization. If he wanted to leave, he’d need time to discover new portals that he could use to get around. Every portal he’d learned to summon as part of the Organization would be monitored closely, so leaving on his own would be risky.</p><p>Plus, this was where Roxas was, so this was where he needed to stay. He was furious thinking about his current predicament. Roxas was probably already merged with Sora, and even if he wasn’t yet, Axel was powerless to stop it. His favorite person in the world stuffed into the body and mind of that overly-confident, self-righteous prick. Roxas was the opposite of that, so humble and innocent. He was so afraid of confrontation, he had barely defended himself against Axel’s mistreatment until the very end of their relationship. If he’d treated Roxas the way he deserved, he would’ve never left, and none of this would be happening.</p><p>In the beginning, Axel had been incredibly attentive. The short time they’d been romantically involved (following a long friendship) had been the happiest weeks of his life. However, eventually fears started to nag at him, and he’d purposely withdrawn himself from Roxas’s life without explanation. The truth was, he was ashamed of the secrets he was keeping from Roxas about his work at Castle Oblivion, and that was just the tip of the iceberg. Axel had done so many things he wasn’t proud of in the course of his existence, and he never wanted Roxas to find out about them. The problem was that Roxas always seemed to sense when he was hiding something, and Axel was sick of lying to him whenever he asked.</p><p>Everything had caught up to him the day Roxas had passed out during his first visit to Castle Oblivion. Axel had personally carried him back to his room and watched him sleep, holding his hand, waiting for any sign of consciousness. He’d promised himself that he would only stay until Roxas woke up, just to make sure he was okay, and then he’d honor his personal promise of leaving him alone. Yet when he finally did wake up, looking so confused and weak, Axel was compelled to stay. </p><p>Roxas didn’t even confront Axel about his long and unexplained absence. He calmly asked how he’d ended up in Axel’s room, and then requested to take a shower. Axel sat on his bed, waiting for his return, trying to decide if he should maintain his resolution to stay away.</p><p>He saw the bathroom door open, and Roxas approached him with purpose. Without saying a word, he closed the distance between them until he was standing no more than a foot away. Axel battled with himself, deciding whether or not to give into temptation. He put his hands on Roxas’s waist as if to stop him, but unconsciously pulled him a couple inches closer. It was so unlike Roxas to make the first move, and he couldn’t deny the effect it was having on him. The height of the bed adjusted for their height difference so they were precisely face to face.</p><p>Roxas put one hand behind Axel’s neck and pulled his face closer, but instead of kissing his lips, he’d gently planted a kiss on Axel’s neck. He moved to Axel’s earlobe, biting it lightly, teasing him, and Axel couldn’t stop the soft moan that escaped him as his fingers dug into his lover’s waist. </p><p>Roxas kissed his cheek and his forehead and placed a hand on his face. He looked into Axel's eyes before leaning to whisper in his ear, "I've missed you.” He traced a finger down Axel's jaw. He knew what Roxas wanted, and he wanted it too, more than anything, but the truth was, he didn’t deserve it.</p><p>He released his grip, and Roxas got the message. The disappointed look in his eyes as he fought back tears still haunted Axel. After that night, Roxas had started having visions of Sora and went totally rogue. Axel should’ve been there for him, but the worse Roxas’s mental state became, the more ashamed Axel felt for leaving him, and it kept him away despite his better judgment. They’d never kissed or even touched since that night.  What he wouldn’t give to be back in that moment to return Roxas’s kiss and whisk him away.</p><p>“No one would miss me.” Roxas’s parting words. <em> Did he really believe that? </em>Axel should have ran after him right then, begging for forgiveness. At the time, he had reasoned that by letting him go, Roxas might have a chance at a better, happier life without him. Time had passed and now he knew that he couldn’t let go of Roxas, no matter how hard he tried. He had to believe that Roxas felt the same in spite of everything. He’d rather be turned into a dusk than know that he and Roxas would never have their happy ending. </p><p>But now was not the time to dwell on the past. If he wanted to save Roxas, he needed Namine, and there was no time to waste.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I always imagined Axel and Riku as natural frenemies since they’re both sexy bad boys with good hearts. In chapter 3 we will cross paths with our adorable mystic Namine and take a shamelessly voyeuristic  trip into Axel’s fantasies about Roxas.</p><p>P.S. Also must say a huge thank you to my BFF since childhood for being my editor. Your present shipped a few days ago :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Plans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He tested his strength by attempting to sit up and found he felt alright. It was when he tried to stand that he started to see stars again. He waited for them to pass and shakily stood on his own two feet. He turned on the desk lamp and was relieved to find the light was tolerable. He looked down to discover he was dressed in only his underwear. He took a second to ponder who had undressed him, wondering if it had been Riku or (even stranger) DiZ, before remembering his only priority should be to find Namine. She could navigate the distance between a Nobody and a Somebody. She was the only one who could possibly get Roxas back. As he attempted to take another step, the door opened and the light blinded him, causing a burst of physical pain.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Axel.” The voice was soft, melodic, and soothing in his weakened state.</p><p>“Namine, I was looking for you.”</p><p>“I sensed you had something to tell me. That’s why I’m here,” she revealed in her own mystical way.</p><p>“Do you mind if I sit?” She nodded, and he slumped back onto the bed, exhausted from his thirty seconds of effort.  </p><p>He figured he should get straight to the point. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, Namine. You have no idea how I’ve come to regret how I treated you and Roxas -”</p><p>“And Sora,” she added. </p><p>He scratched the back of his head. “Yes, and Sora. But listen, Namine. The reason I need you - well, I need your help because -” He wasn’t sure what was making him falter, but he couldn’t find the right words to say.</p><p>“You’re in love with Roxas. I know that much already.”</p><p>“Well, I’ve never - never thought about it - like that. I mean, Nobodies don’t <em> have </em>hearts so, I guess it’s not something we think about, but yeah, okay...” Namine was patient as he struggled. </p><p>“You can call it what you want, Axel,” she offered gently. “I know what you want to ask me now, and I’m sorry, I could never do it.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Sora and Roxas are two halves of one person. Nobodies yearn to be reunited with their Somebody.”</p><p>“I don’t.”</p><p>She studied his face before continuing, “I should say <em> most </em>do. And all Nobodies should. It would make life much easier for them. For you, especially.”</p><p>“I know that, but it’s too late to change, and I’m really fine the way I am-”</p><p>“You aren’t fine. You’re miserable,” she observed, stepping closer to him. The kindness with which she spoke calmed him when he would have gotten defensive. “You’ve driven the only person you care about away, you’ve killed others, and ruined many lives. Would you not be better off - happier - as Lea?”</p><p>“No, no way. Now that I’ve met Roxas, I couldn’t go back. I’ve thought about it, Namine. Many times. I don’t want to be Lea, I want to be me, and I want to be with Roxas. Got it memorized?”</p><p>“It’s terrible, isn’t it, to imagine disappearing into someone else’s mind and losing all your own memories?” She shuddered with genuine pathos. “I felt so bad for Roxas when Riku forced him to come here against his will, but in the end, he agreed to be merged with Sora.”</p><p><br/>“You’re joking. There’s no way Roxas would have wanted that!”<br/><br/>“Please keep your voice down, Axel. DiZ might hear us. The truth is, we sat Roxas down and explained everything. He agreed with our plan. He wanted to be rejoined with Sora.”</p><p>“Did he say anything about me?”</p><p>She shook her head, “No, I’m sorry. He didn’t say anything, but I could sense that he was very sad, if that means anything.”</p><p>Axel pondered that. Was he sad because he missed Axel or because Axel had broken his heart? He felt the all-too-familiar pang of guilt return. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Axel. I’ve made you sad too. I have to remind myself that some things really are better left unsaid. You look like you’re going to cry.”</p><p>“Nobodies can’t cry.” This was a lie. Axel had cried the day Roxas left. He only said it because he resented this probe into his supposed “feelings” and worked to change the subject back to what <em> he </em> wanted from Namine.</p><p>“So let’s say that, <em> hypothetically </em>, you wanted to help me get Roxas back, just like he was before, is there any evidence that it’s possible?”</p><p>“I don’t want to give you false hope, but I think so. If I can merge them, it stands to reason I could separate them too. Of course, he won’t be exactly the same after spending time with Sora. However, even if it’s possible, I must stress that I will not attempt it until Sora completes his mission and the Organization is defeated. We need him too much right now.”</p><p>“I can live with that.” Axel felt relief wash over him. It was possible. Patience wasn’t his best quality, but he could wait forever for Roxas.</p><p>“I’d like to tell you something else in regards to you and Lea. I wasn’t being totally honest before when I said Nobodies yearn to be reunited with their Somebody… Before I tell you. I must request this stays between us Nobodies, got it memorized?” She winked before continuing, “Kairi seems as capable as ever, and we’ve been separated for a long time. Although I was formed from Sora’s memories of Kairi, it still seems natural that I should want to return to Kairi, and she should be missing me too,” she paused, “But I’ll tell you something I’ve never told a soul, Axel.” She whispered as she looked suspiciously around the empty room, “I’m like you. I don’t <em> want </em>to be reunited with Kairi any more than you want to be reunited with Lea, and I don’t think she needs me the way Sora needed Roxas.”</p><p>“Hmm…” Axel let this information sit with him. “So what’s the difference?”</p><p>“I can’t be completely certain without a lot more research, but my intuition says that because I was created from a memory, I’m different. It also means I have a real heart.”</p><p>“It makes sense. You’re sure as hell different from all the Nobodies I’ve met. But what about Roxas? He’s Sora’s Nobody. What made him so perfect?”</p><p>Namine smiled, “It’s very sweet the way you talk about him. To put it simply, he was born from more than one heart.”</p><p>“That explains why he’s always been so sensitive. I always suspected he could feel more than average people do.” <em> That’s why it was so horrible of me to break his heart </em>, he reminded himself.</p><p>As if she’d read his mind, Namine soothed him, “Oh Axel, don’t worry. It’s not worth it to focus on the past right now. We have to look towards the future.”</p><p>“And what does your future hold? I don’t see why you hang around here with DiZ.”</p><p>“I stayed here out of loyalty to Sora, but DiZ doesn’t want me to survive much longer. People either want to kill me because of my powers or use me for their own ends. As long as I survive, I’ll always be a target or a pawn.”</p><p>“I can relate,” Axel sighed thinking back on his days as part of the Organization when he was always at the mercy of Xemnas and Saix’s whims. “Is there anything I can do to help you? I don’t know you well, Namine, but I don’t want you to die.”</p><p>“You know, you don’t sound at all like yourself, Axel. Not the way I’ve known you.”</p><p>“Must’ve been the hit to the head,” he joked, gesturing to the source of his current agony. </p><p>She looked thoughtful. “Yes, that’s possible, but I also think it’s because of Roxas... You know, I’ve been thinking… because of how I was created, I seem to share a special connection with those associated with Sora, including anyone who has memories of him. However, you’re the first person I’ve met whose connection is with<em> Roxas </em>, not Sora, and I still feel the same connection to you. I could sense that you wanted to talk to me. It’s remarkable really.”</p><p>Axel pondered her words. He too could sense the connection Namine was describing. In spite of himself, he liked her. He wanted to help her. He was even beginning to think of her as a friend, and he desperately needed more of those.</p><p>Axel saw Riku quietly enter the room. He seemed nervous.<br/><br/>“Er, Namine. We have a problem.” </p><p>Namine didn’t move a muscle. Her eyes were wide as she stared at Axel. “He’s going to turn me into a dusk.”</p><p>“Oh no he’s not!” Axel shouted, summoning his chakrams and preparing to fight Riku.</p><p>“<em>I’m </em> not going to turn her into a dusk, you idiot! It’s DiZ. And what could you do to me anyway? Your head is cracked open and you’re not even wearing pants!”</p><p>Axel unsuccessfully tried to hide his amusement as Namine burst into giggles.</p><p>Riku grinned before speaking in earnest, “We have work to do. Namine, there’s no way I’m turning you into a dusk, but we can’t let DiZ know that I set you free or else I’m toast. Axel, remember that I saved your life when I tell you this next part - I need you to stay here for at least a couple more weeks and-”</p><p>“Why?” Axel demanded. </p><p>Riku rolled his eyes before continuing.  “It would look very, very bad for me if the person I <em> saved </em> in order to assist me and my <em> very </em> powerful master in our plans turned on us immediately, especially since I had to <em> beg </em> said master to trust me when I <em> promised </em> you would help us.”</p><p>“Fine,” Axel fumed.  He wasn’t happy with it, but he couldn’t pretend Riku’s reasoning wasn’t accurate. Having yet another one of the most powerful bad guys against him would not make his life any easier. “But where will Namine go?” he asked. </p><p>“Do you remember Leon and Yuffie from Sora’s memories, Namine?” She nodded. “I’ve arranged for you to stay with them in Hollow Bastion, just until DiZ leaves to complete his new research project and we’re able to safely get out of there.”</p><p>“Leon, huh?” Axel inwardly chuckled at how everything seemed to come full circle.</p><p>“That’s wonderful, Riku. Thank you,” she clasped her hands together in delight like a child.</p><p>“It’s the least I could do, Namine. When you go, I’m going to tell DiZ that I killed you as ordered. Axel, I need you to back me up on that. Namine, just lay low for now, okay?” She nodded. Riku opened a portal and Namine looked briefly at Axel before stepping through without a word.</p><p>“Now, you and I have an appointment with DiZ,” Riku said, turning towards the door. </p><p>“Sounds like fun,” Axel groaned, following him out, then abruptly turning back when he remembered he was still in his underwear. Riku returned his old clothes to him, and he stayed while Axel put them on. Axel swore Riku was checking him out. He’d never stopped to think about Riku’s sexual preferences simply because Riku wasn’t his type, but he planned to confirm them in the near future if only to satisfy his curiosity. The last thing he needed was for Riku to develop a crush on him. </p><hr/><p>Axel kept up appearances during the meeting with DiZ in order to make a good first impression, but once he returned to his room, the nausea from his pounding headache got the best of him.  He immediately turned off the light and lay down. </p><p>Axel had easily backed up Riku’s lies and fed DiZ everything he wanted to hear about Axel’s loyalty to the cause. He was so used to sucking up to obnoxiously self-obsessed men from his Organization days, and DiZ was, unsurprisingly, a lot like Xemnas. He didn’t trust Axel one bit, but at least he agreed to keep him around. He figured DiZ might try to barter his life to get something from the Organization or more likely, he’d try to dispose of Axel when he was no longer useful. Truthfully, he didn’t care much either way. He was confident that he and Riku could outwit him.  Plus, staying here kept him close to Roxas (<em> Sora </em>, he reminded himself, distastefully). Some day soon Namine would bring Roxas back, and everything would fall into place.</p><p>He imagined Roxas entering his room now, running to his bedside. He was so worried about whether or not Axel would be okay. Axel assured him there was a way Roxas could make him feel better and invited him under the covers. Roxas’s naughty smile showed he understood completely. He straddled Axel, kissing his neck and moaning softly in his ear as Axel hungrily touched every inch of him. He got closer and closer to climax as he imagined Roxas getting on his hands and knees, so desperate to please him. As he was about to come, his head pulsed with a fresh viciousness.   </p><p>“Ughhnnnn,” he groaned in frustration. This was going to be a long couple of weeks, followed by a long few months, or maybe years (hopefully not years; oh please, not years), until he could make any of his fantasies real. He forced himself to repress the thought that they may never happen at all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next week we hear about Leon and Axel’s first meeting in Traverse Town (in a dimly lit dive bar) and Axel makes Riku blush by asking him too many personal questions.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Friendship</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote a <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23141863">one-shot</a> about Lea &amp; Isa’s fraught relationship to accompany this chapter and provide a more detailed backstory. There’s also a very sweet Roxas cameo if you’re curious how Axel and Roxas first met.<br/>Thank you for the new kudos and subscribes. It puts the biggest smile on my face to know someone is enjoying this story!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel pondered his future. Soon he’d be returning to Hollow Bastion where his Somebody Lea had grown up, back when it was still called Radiant Garden. As far as he knew, Lea still lived there, but it had been a while since Axel had tried to find him. He would also be reunited with Leon. They hadn’t spoken since the first time they’d officially met, and Axel wasn’t sure how much their last meeting might complicate things if they had to work together. </p><p>Axel had come across Leon at a bar in Traverse Town two weeks after Roxas left him. He’d finished his mission faster than expected and figured he could stick around for a while without inciting Xemnas’s wrath.  He stumbled across a bar in the Second District with a patio overlooking an alleyway. It seemed dicey and dark, which suited Axel’s purposes well. He paid the doorman to take his cloak and entered in his regular clothes, an act absolutely forbidden by the Organization. </p><p>He noticed Leon right away, because he was hot, not because he’d known who he was (at first) or that they were fighting on opposite sides. The bar was in the center of the room with barstools lining it on all sides and very few actual tables. This was clearly a place you were meant to drink alone, and it was full of people doing just that. Axel sat diagonally across from Leon so he could keep an eye on him and notice if he showed any interest. Axel ordered a double, and as he did, Leon looked up. His eyes lingered a second too long, and Axel knew it was on. </p><p>He slowly savored his drink and waited. Building the suspense was half of the fun. Plus, Axel knew from experience that he couldn’t do this sober or memories and regrets associated with Roxas would consume him. He knocked the first drink back and ordered two more, sneaking a few glances at Leon all the while. It took a few looks for him to realize he <em> knew </em>this guy. Leon had also grown up in Radiant Garden and had been a few grades above Lea.  Lea had always thought Leon was hot, but he’d been too afraid to admit it to anyone, especially his best friend Isa who scoffed at homosexuality. Of course, Isa’s stance on the subject was confusing because he’d ended up kissing Lea on more than one occasion, but that was a different story. </p><p>With the alcohol in his blood, Axel had none of Lea’s reservations. <em> This one’s for you Lea, </em>he said to himself as he finished his last drink and sauntered over to Leon. He put his mouth right up to Leon’s ear and said just above a whisper, “I saw the way you were looking at me and had to buy you a drink.”</p><p>“Is that right?” Leon replied, his eyes fixed on the glass currently in his hand. His voice was deep, sexy, and commanding. Axel was intrigued by Leon’s apparent resilience to his charms, but not deterred in the slightest. He liked a good challenge. The alcohol was producing a perfectly euphoric effect, and he was grateful for the opportunity to seduce him.  “If you aren’t interested, I’ll go, but at least let me know your name.”</p><p>He hesitated, still not making eye contact. “Leon.”</p><p>“Leon, I’m Axel. Pleasure.” It was always a little strange to meet people from Lea’s life. They never seemed to fully recognize Axel, yet the resemblance they couldn’t place always appeared to throw them off balance, and it made them especially susceptible to Axel’s charms. As he introduced himself, the drinks he’d ordered arrived. Axel clinked his glass against the one he bought for Leon as it sat on the bar untouched. “Cheers,” he said as he stood up to go. When he did, Leon acted just as Axel had hoped. He picked up the drink and made his way  towards the dimly lit hallway that led to the bathroom without making eye contact. He downed the liquor as he walked, and Axel followed.</p><p>Leon led him behind a broken phone booth. Axel invaded Leon’s personal space, smoothly forcing him up against the wall where they couldn’t be seen. Though Axel was having trouble cracking Leon’s cold exterior, he could tell that Leon was an alpha like himself. Yet from the way Leon submitted to being cornered, Axel knew that he must like playing the beta too, which served Axel just fine.</p><p>Leon finally looked him in the eyes. “You mentioned the way I was looking at you, but what about you, Axel? You couldn’t stop staring at me since you walked through the door.” As he said it, the slightest smile appeared on his lips.  So he liked to play games too. They would get along well.</p><p>“I’m glad I followed you,” Axel smiled and moved closer, pushing his entire body against Leon’s to whisper in his ear again. “If I wanted to get out of here, would you go with me?”</p><p>Leon laced his fingers through Axel’s, and Axel opened a portal and led him through. That had been the only night they’d hooked up, and it had been a good one. Shortly after, Axel had realized that Leon was on Team Mickey and figured he’d do better to keep a distance. It was a pity because Axel had found Leon’s impermeable stoicism surprisingly comforting. Maybe because it was the opposite of Roxas and his extreme vulnerability.</p><p>Still, he hadn’t thought of it much - not until hearing Leon’s name and knowing Namine was on her way to stay with him. Surely now that Axel had unofficially switched sides, they’d be seeing more of each other. That wasn’t something he’d planned on, and he hoped that Riku and the others would never find out about that night. He wanted a clean slate when Roxas got back. He would explain his actions in his own time so Roxas would understand. It wasn’t that he had stopped pining after Roxas every second of every day, it was just that he was constantly trying to keep Roxas out of his mind, and sometimes falling into the beds of others was just the best way to do it. </p>
<hr/><p>“Good morning, Axel! Rise and shine! We have work to do,” Riku sang as he turned on the bright overhead light.</p><p>Axel kept his eyes shut and his body still with the sole hope of annoying Riku as much as Riku was annoying him.  It was only when he added, “I have news about Sora” that Axel opened his eyes. </p><p>“I know you won’t like this-”</p><p>“Oh please, that stupid smile on your face says enough, Riku. So Sora’s back and Roxas is gone. That’s fucking <em> spectacular </em> to hear!”</p><p>Riku ignored him and continued, “I’ve been bored out of my mind waiting for this day so I could finally get out of here! We might even be able to escape sooner than I thought. Until then, DiZ has ordered you to keep an eye on Sora and make sure there’s no glitches. He doesn’t trust Namine’s work apparently. Truth be told, he doesn’t seem to care much for Nobodies in general.”</p><p>“Well, let’s all hope he’ll make an exception for little old me... So let me get this right, if Sora’s still an annoying little puke, we’ll know the process worked, right?”</p><p>Riku laughed, unphased by Axel’s lack of enthusiasm. “You know, when I met Roxas, I could see the resemblance he shares with Sora. You’ll learn to do the same.”</p><p>“That’s very cute, but let’s get this straight.  I’ve always hated Sora, and I hate him more now that he’s stolen Roxas from me. Got it memorized?”</p><p>“I’d love to talk more about this, but DiZ has other plans. I wish I could go with you. You have no idea how much I can’t <em> wait </em>to get out of this place, but that’s a talk for another day. Sora is back!” he rejoiced, twirling to the door. </p><p>“Damn, I hate you this cheerful! What do I have to do to get back the Riku from yesterday?” </p><p>“Ha ha, Axel. Sora, Donald, and Goofy just boarded a train from Twilight Town to see Yen Sid.”</p><p>“Donald will be there? Dealbreaker.”</p><p>“Oh come on! You know the three of them are always together.”</p><p>“But Donald’s worse than Sora. Following those three around sounds about as fun as hanging around <em>you</em> all day.”</p><p>“But you have no other choice, so…”</p><p>“Fine. What do I wear?”</p><p>“You can wear the same clothes you did when you were a member of Organization XIII. It will make you look bad in Sora’s eyes, but the disguise will buy you time if you encounter any other Organization members. So all you have to do is watch Sora and make sure he seems normal - no more jokes please,” Riku said as Axel started to retort. “It would also be helpful for you to report back on anything important you hear. Tell <em> me,</em> and <em> I’ll </em>tell DiZ. This will only be temporary, I promise. Just until I tie up the final loose ends that will allow us to get out of here.”</p><p>Riku opened a portal. “When you’re ready…” </p><p>Axel threw on the cloak that was draped across the bed frame.  “Ready.”</p><p>“I love that can-do attitude of yours,” Riku smirked.</p><p>Axel rolled his eyes and stepped through the portal with his middle finger out. </p><p>As he stood on the lawn, he couldn’t deny that Yen Sid’s castle was impressive. He thought that meant a lot coming from someone who had travelled to as many worlds as he had. He crept through the front door, which, to his happy surprise, had no lock or security whatsoever. He ascended a series of winding steps with no railings and steep drops on either side. Each set of stairs was a new psychedelic mix of hypnotic colors. It was nice to be exploring and out in the world again. Axel’s head barely plagued him, partially thanks to the joy his freedom was bringing.</p><p>He stopped outside a large door when he heard a deep voice. “Its body fades from existence. For you see, Nobodies do not truly exist at all. Nobodies may seem to have feelings, but this is a ruse. They only pretend to have hearts. You must not be deceived.”  </p><p><em> What a charming fellow </em>, Axel grumbled to himself as he arrived outside the door.</p><p>“Nobodies… they don’t exist?” That voice clearly belonged to Sora. Axel was struck by how similar he sounded to Roxas. It was as though his mind was playing a trick on him, trying to convince him it was his lover speaking. </p><p>He missed what was said next while he got over the shock of the resemblance. Then he heard Yen Sid’s voice boom, “...Organization XIII. It commands the lesser Nobodies. While heartless act on instinct, Nobodies function in a higher manner. They can think and plan. And it seems they are working towards a goal. What that goal is, we do not know…”</p><p>Axel was stunned that even the supposedly great Yen Sid couldn’t figure out Organization XIII’s plan. The plan had never changed. Collect heartless, build Kingdom Hearts. Was it really all that complicated? </p><p>“Then I guess we better go find the King first!” Sora exclaimed.</p><p>“But where could he be?” Donald chimed in with a question so needless, Axel’s eyes threatened to roll back into his head permanently.</p><p>“Well, we won’t know ‘til we try,” added Goofy.</p><p>Axel couldn’t take one more second of these three and their meaningless banter. He opened a portal and returned to his room concluding that Sora seemed normal enough to him. </p><p>How could sweet, dear Roxas have come from <em> Sora</em>? It was completely impossible to understand. He wished he could talk to Demyx about it. He was the only person who had known Roxas as well as he had. He must be so miserably bored back at Organization headquarters, barely being sent on missions with no friends left. Everyone besides Roxas and Axel had basically written him off. Frankly, he was annoying, and Axel was happy to remind him of that to his face, but at the end of the day, he missed having a Nobody as a friend.  Demyx understood him in a way he didn’t think anyone else could. Plus, he needed Demyx to curb his worst impulses. He could definitely use him right now. He tried to think of a way he could visit his old comrade, but he knew it would have to wait until he was out from under DiZ’s control. </p><p>Riku interrupted his thoughts as he ran into the room.</p><p>“I’ve got to get a lock for that door,” Axel groaned. </p><p>“You’re back already?” </p><p>“Trust me, if you had suffered through what I did chumming it up with those three, you’d be done too.”</p><p>“How long have you been gone again? Was it <em>longer</em> or <em>shorter</em> than five minutes?” </p><p>“It felt like <em> hours </em>.”</p><p>“Well, how is he? Sora, I mean.”</p><p>“Ehhhh he seemed the same to me.”</p><p>“Did he say anything?”</p><p>“Nothing worth repeating.”</p><p>“Could you <em> be </em> less helpful? Please don’t forget the reason you are still among the living. I put my life on the line for you, and you’re barely trying!”</p><p>Something occurred to Axel that he hadn’t considered before. “Riku, do you have a crush on Sora?” </p><p>Axel implied from Riku’s reddening face and flustered expression that he had hit the nail on the head, but Riku responded self-righteously (another dead giveaway), “No, of course not! That’d be weird. He’s just my best friend.”</p><p>“What about Kairi?”</p><p>“No, no. Why do you ask? Are <em> you </em>, erm, interested in her?”</p><p>“Dear god, no! I’d date Donald first!” Axel scoffed, happy that Riku was guiding them back to their familiar rapport. </p><p>“Be careful what you wish for,” Riku responded with a sideways glance, and Axel couldn’t help but smile.</p><p>Axel was starting to warm up to Riku, but he still wasn’t finished sizing him up. “Why are you <em> really </em> helping me, Riku? I mean, I know you said you’ve always <em> liked </em> me, but you seem like a practical, dare I say <em> selfish </em>, person. It’s not an insult,” Axel clarified, noticing the defiant expression on Riku’s face. “I mean, we’re a lot alike, you and me. Risking your neck for a stranger seems.....”</p><p>“Stupid?”</p><p> “Frankly yes.”</p><p>“How should I say this… I’ve been given lots of second chances, and I thought maybe it was time I gave one to someone else... And you and I are very similar, aren’t we?”</p><p>“Must be the reason I find you so annoying,” Axel teased. They both smiled at each other and shared a tender moment that quickly turned awkward as they both waited for the other to speak first. “So Riku, now that we’ve had our heart to heart, what happens next? Am I just supposed to follow Sora around for a few more weeks? Because I’d rather sing in one of Ariel’s musical numbers than follow those three around all day.” Riku burst out laughing and couldn’t catch his breath for some time. </p><p>“Oh trust me, I <em> get it</em>. I try to stay out of Atlantica as much as humanly possible.”</p><p>“I<em> always </em> made sure those missions got reassigned to Demyx… I should probably apologize to him for that.”</p><p>“He’s your friend?”</p><p>Axel nodded, and there was another extended silence before Riku blurted “Ah, I just remembered why I came here! I got so distracted wondering how Sora’s doing, which you were <em> no </em> help with by the way. How would you feel about leaving sooner than expected?”</p><p>“Positively delighted.”</p><p>“Then let’s go.”</p><p>“What - right now?”</p><p>“Of course right now.”</p><p>“But won’t DiZ be after us?”</p><p>“Don’t you think I’ve thought of that?” Riku scoffed. “I’ve had everything in place for ages, I’ve just been waiting for him to leave for a few hours so I could complete the final touches. I thought it would take a few weeks, but it’s ready now! Do you really want me to sit here and explain or do you want to get out of here?”</p><p>“Out!” Axel confirmed.. </p><p>Riku summoned a portal, and Axel followed him through it.  He marvelled at how strange the past 24 hours had been, culminating in him being led by his former enemy into a dark portal leading to an unknown destination. It seemed like a stupid move, yet for some reason, Axel felt safer than he had in months.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In the next chapter, Axel and Leon meet face to face for the first time since their one night stand, and Axel makes Riku blush some more with questions about his sexuality.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Leon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel was excited to spend time in Lea’s hometown of Hollow Bastion. While he’d done a number of unauthorized trips there to keep tabs on his Somebody, he’d never had much cause to be there otherwise, and it would be nice to see a familiar place. His only concern was avoiding Lea and Isa (if they even still lived there). He didn’t want to get entangled in the dramas of Lea’s past. He had to stay focused on Sora. But when they arrived, it turned out to be the least of his concerns. Something was amiss. There were piles of rubble where his hometown had been.</p><p>“This doesn’t look right,” Axel whispered to Riku. “Could be the work of the Organization. I think we should leave.”</p><p>“And what? Go back to DiZ? Let’s at least find Leon first.”</p><p>Riku led him to a small cottage. He knocked, but no one answered. The door was unlocked and opened to a messy room that would’ve been described as quaint if it hadn’t had a gigantic computer in one corner. It looked as though the Organization had been here too. Chairs were tipped over and papers were strewn everywhere. </p><p>“Well, well, well, the traitor we’ve all been searching for falls right into my lap. How <em> lucky </em>of me to find you here!” Axel recognized that voice. This wouldn’t be pretty.  “Come back with me, Axel, and I won’t hurt you or your boyfriend,” Saix sneered. “For now at least.”</p><p>“Hmmm… how about me and my boyfriend destroy you instead?”</p><p>Saix laughed. “You wouldn’t dare. You haven’t changed much from the old days, my friend, not nearly as much as you’d like to think.” Axel tried not to let Saix get under his skin, but his old comrade knew him too well. The shared pasts of their respective Somebodies had been intertwined back when they were still Lea and Isa, and half the reason Axel had remained loyal to the Organization as long as he had was due to his attachment to his former friend. Things had changed, and now he had no qualms about turning Saix to ashes.</p><p>He summoned his chakrams and glanced at Riku who looked ready and excited to fight.</p><p>As the battle was about to begin, a whimsical old man with a long white beard and blue robes walked through the door. </p><p>“My goodness!” he exclaimed, putting down his purple bag. “Riku, I didn’t expect to see you here! And who’s this?” he bumbled, squinting at Axel through circular spectacles. </p><p>Everyone, including Saix, seemed too confused by this odd interruption to act. </p><p>“Merlin’s beard! Is that one of those Organization fellows?” the wizard asked, squinting at Saix now.</p><p>“Yeah Merlin,” Riku confirmed. “We were just about to annihilate him. Just give us and few minutes and-“</p><p>“Why I’m perfectly capable dear boy!” he insisted, as he waved his hands and a parade of books came daintily dancing out of his bag.</p><p>Saix laughed mirthlessly, “I’d be happy to kill all three of you.” But as he poised himself to fight, the most delightfully strange thing happened. Merlin’s books went on the attack. The tone in the room turned quickly from tense to bemused as they watched Saix flail, attempting to fight a tidal wave of bindings and pages. He had no choice but to disappear into a portal to avoid the humiliation of such an embarrassing struggle.</p><p>Riku and Axel couldn’t stop laughing as Merlin studiously returned the books to his bag, only pausing to ask if they liked to read. Axel had hoped to get his revenge on Saix in battle, but this unexpected turn of events had been even more gratifying than any physical pain he could’ve inflicted.</p>
<hr/><p>After confirming the whereabouts of the others with Merlin, they made their way through the rest of Hollow Bastion, and Axel was pleased to find some familiar places had been spared the Organization’s destruction. There were memories around every corner, familiar sights and smells that dragged him back into Lea’s memories.</p><p>He was lost in them when Riku asked, “So why did Saix call me your boyfriend?”</p><p>“He thinks it’s an insult. It’s a long story, but the gist of it is, my Somebody, Lea, was from here, and Saix’s Somebody, Isa, used to know me. Our relationship was complicated.”</p><p>“So did Lea know everyone else then too? Leon and Yuffie… aren’t they all from here?”</p><p>“I’m a few years younger than Leon and Aerith, so I doubt they’d remember me. Yuffie was around my age, but she didn’t associate with me. She was a good girl, and I was a bit of a troublemaker.”</p><p>“You don’t say?” Riku teased.</p><p>“Lea and Isa were best friends growing up. We got into a lot of mischief together.”</p><p>“We?”</p><p>“Lea,” Axel corrected himself. “It’s difficult because the memories are so vivid. It’s hard to separate who’s who, where he ends and I begin,” Axel replied wistfully. “<em> Lea </em> and Isa were best friends, though they were always fighting. They were both very competitive, you see. Usually Isa was a pain in the ass, but he had his moments,” Axel commented as they passed through the Marketplace and ended up at a balcony overlooking the city. “Actually, this was where we first kissed. Isa said it was a dare. He didn’t believe I would do it, and I was always in the habit of trying to prove him wrong, so..,”</p><p>Axel looked at Riku who was blushing profusely and steadfastly looking out at the view of the castle in the distance. “So what happened? How did the two of you become enemies?”</p><p>“Xehanort, the man who now goes by Xemnas, recruited us when we were still teenagers. We used to help him out here and there, and he would share his secret wisdom with us in return. We thought we were special. Xemnas always told us we were, but then one day he asked us to help him with a very dark experiment.  He was trying to make an army of soldiers with no hearts. He was frustrated by the feelings of others and wanted people to do his bidding without question. He tested our loyalty to him by forcing us to volunteer to split our souls in half. Those who did so became the founding members of Organization XIII. Isa and I never stopped to question it. We were both stupid and arrogant then,” Axel trailed off, not sure how much more Riku would want to hear. It was a dark story after all. </p><p>“So if you both agreed to do it, why did you stop being friends?”</p><p>“If you’re asking about Lea and Isa, Xemnas forbid them from meeting me and Saix, so I don’t know exactly what happened. I think Xemnas knew that if we met them, we would yearn to be reunited, which was the last thing he wanted. He needed cold-blooded killers with absolutely no feelings and nothing to lose. However, I wouldn’t settle for that. I eventually tracked Lea down. We never spoke, but I used to keep tabs on him. As far as I know, he and Isa aren’t friends anymore, and Lea’s definitely not in league with Xemnas.  Unlike me, he was spared participating in our boss’s most horrific schemes. If you’re wondering why Saix and I aren’t friends, that’s simple. Saix worshipped Xemnas without question, quickly becoming his number two. As for me, I was not cut out to be the top brass. I caused too much trouble and pissed Xemnas and Saix off more often than not. It was in Saix’s best interest to disassociate until he needed me for something, so he did. That’s all there is to it.”</p><p>“Did it make you sad when he did that?”</p><p>“It was frustrating, but I couldn’t feel sadness when I first became a Nobody, at least not the way you would understand it. I was definitely jealous, not only of Saix’s favor with Xemnas but also of Saix’s preference for him over me. Even though Nobodies can’t feel, I was still possessive of him, and he used it against me in order to fulfill the Organization’s darkest plans. That was, until Roxas came along and changed everything.”</p><p>“That’s very sweet, Axel.”</p><p>“After all that, you tell me how sweet I was?”</p><p>“I just think it’s nice that Roxas meant so much to you that you decided to work against the Organization.”</p><p>“It still took me a long time to reach that point, and I hurt a lot of people, including Roxas, before I got there.”</p><p>“Well, you’re doing the right thing now. That counts for something.”</p><p>Axel was touched. Riku’s kindness was surprising to him, and he didn’t know what he’d done to earn it. “In spite of what you did to Roxas… I’m actually kind of glad you kidnapped me,” he admitted.</p><p>It was so rare for him to hand out compliments, but sharing the story of his past and having Riku not be totally disgusted with him was very affirming. They both stayed in silence for some time as they walked, and Axel’s mind started to drift to other thoughts, like how he was about to reunite with his one-night stand. Leon had maintained an aura of mystery in high school from what Axel could recall of Lea’s memories. He was counting on Leon to keep things professional in front of the others. A frightening thought suddenly crossed his mind. What if Leon had developed some kind of crush on him? That would be a major complication for Axel’s future plans.<br/>
<br/>
“What are you thinking about?” Riku asked. </p><p>Axel, not wanting to reveal his real concerns to Riku, said the next thing that came to mind. “I was just thinking about how hot this crew we’re going to see is. I mean, you’ve got Leon, Cloud, Yuffie, Aerith, and Tifa - I’m leaving Cid out on purpose to spare him the humiliation of coming in last, unless you’re into older guys? Spill it. Who would you rather?”</p><p>“Who would I rather what?” Riku asked.</p><p>“Who would you rather have sex with?”</p><p>“Oh well, I haven’t thought about it. I don’t really know much about that, I mean...” </p><p>“Riku! I didn’t know you were so innocent,” he teased, genuinely starting to have fun as he watched Riku squirm a little bit. “Maybe it’s because you seem so mature for your age… Well, <em> most </em> of the time,” he joked, trying to calm Riku’s nerves. It didn’t seem to work. “Let’s put it this way. Who do you think is the hottest? I’ll start. Tifa.”</p><p>“Then I’ll say Yuffie!” he answered quickly.</p><p>Axel raised an eyebrow at not only Riku’s choice, but also his clear discomfort with the subject. They were friendly now, right? Isn’t this how friends talked? This was how Lea had talked with Isa, Axel reasoned. They had not only been talking about these things at Riku’s age, but also acting on them. </p><p>“What?” asked Riku urgently. “You don’t think she’s, er, cute?”</p><p>“She is,” Axel appeased him. “Who would be your second choice?”</p><p>“Tifa.”</p><p>“Now we’re talking. Third?”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know,” Riku mumbled.</p><p>“You know, I’ve never seen you get this flustered.”</p><p>“It’s just awkward talking about it. I mean, they’re our allies. We shouldn’t be judging how hot they are! We’ve got bigger things to worry about” he concluded.</p><p>“I’m sure you’re right,” Axel replied, barely registering his words. “Well, let’s just finish up this round, and then we’ll go back to those big things you want to worry about. I’d say Tifa, Cloud, Leon - and by the way, he’s only in third place because I’ve had sex with him already,” Axel admitted, his sudden light and playful attitude making his secret seem trivial next to the possibility of shocking Riku into being even more adorably uncomfortable. “Shhh! Keep that a secret. And that leaves poor Yuffie and Aerith tied for last. Nothing wrong with them, just not my type. I like my partners with a little more <em> umph </em>if you know what I mean,” Axel said, emphasis on the umph. </p><p>“You <em> slept with Leon?! But he’s a dude </em>!”</p><p>Axel had to let this one sit for a second. He stopped walking and turned to Riku who slowed his pace and turned back to look at him. “My dear, dear Riku. Remind me where you’re from again?”</p><p>“Is it really that strange to be surprised by this? I mean, on our island, you’d never see two guys together. They’d be banished. It’s just… not done.”</p><p>“Wait a minute… Does this mean you didn’t know that Roxas and I were -”</p><p>“What? No! I thought he was just your best friend like Sora’s mine.”</p><p>“Oh no, no! Sweet Riku!”</p><p>“Can you stop with these condescending terms of endearment, <em> please </em>?”</p><p>“Only when you stop being so sweet and naive, my little Riku!” Axel said, reaching out to pinch Riku’s red cheek. Riku glared at him.</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Axel said, putting up both hands in surrender. “Just let me ask you this… have you ever <em> been </em>with anyone? Kissed anyone, I mean?”</p><p>“Never.”</p><p>“Has Sora?” he dared to add. He’d been curious about this topic purely because Sora was Roxas’s Somebody, and he’d finally found the right time to ask.</p><p>“I don’t think so... but we’ve been apart for a long time now. So much could have happened that he hasn’t even told me about,” Riku lamented, and saying it out loud seemed to visibly deflate him. </p><p>“Let’s forget about it. I was just trying to have a little fun, lighten the mood… But don’t forget - Leon and I never met - got it memorized?”</p><p>“Fine… Can we go meet up with everyone now?” </p><p>Axel smiled and ruffled his hair. Riku felt like the little brother he never had. Should he tell him that or would it be weird? He decided to keep it to himself, but the more he thought about it, the happier it made him. Really happy, like Roxas level happy. <em> What’s happening to me </em> ? he mused, and found, for the first time in a long time, that he was pleased by the answer. <em> You’re feeling again. Imagine that? </em></p>
<hr/><p>They walked a few minutes longer before running into Cloud, who was pacing back and forth, apparently lost in thought.  Axel had a thing for blondes, and Cloud’s muscular, exposed arm was having an admittedly strong effect on him. He had to actively slow his imagination because he knew not only that Cloud was straight (which was usually more of a challenge than impediment for him), but also that he was off limits. Axel had to focus on getting Roxas back, and he couldn’t afford to fool around anymore.</p><p>“Hey there, bud!” Riku greeted Cloud with the utmost awkwardness, further confirming Axel’s suspicions about his sexuality. </p><p>Cloud looked up at them slowly and his eyes widened, looking back and forth between the two of them. “Are you here to fight me?” he asked in a husky voice that was threatening all of Axel’s internal resolve. <em> Don’t flirt, don’t flirt, don’t flirt. No sex jokes. Say something normal. </em></p><p>“No, on the contrary. We’re here to help. We want to join the Mickey Mouse Club!” he said playfully enough to hide the sarcasm, though he could practically feel Riku’s eyes roll. </p><p>“Is that right?” Cloud asked thoughtfully. “Well, you’d better talk to the others then. Follow me.” He led them down a long walkway and through a series of labyrinthian tunnels. He seemed to have a subtle eye on them as they followed behind him. </p><p>Axel’s brain had to scream at him not to ogle his sexy biceps or other assets as they walked. It had been a while since he’d jacked off, and his hormones were raging more than usual. He’d have to rectify that as soon as he had a moment to himself. Hopefully that would be soon, because he didn’t think he could stand it. Add Tifa and Leon to the mix, and he might not be able to function over the sound of his own fantasies. He forced himself to think about Donald Duck, which successfully quelled his erection and brought him back to the task at hand. </p><p>He looked over at Riku, who appeared to be doing exactly what Axel was trying not to do. <em> Riku’s totally checking him out. </em>It felt as though Riku sensed Axel’s thoughts, because he glanced at Axel and blushed. He stared at the ground for the rest of their walk. </p><p>They ended up in a large room with tall glass windows and a huge computer. Behind it was a vast and impressive room of what looked like rows of glowing orbs. Leon was the room’s sole occupant. He sat at the computer, furiously typing what seemed to be a series of wrong passwords as the computer protested at the end of every keystroke.</p><p>“Leon?” Cloud said in greeting, and Leon turned, then looked at Cloud, Axel, and Riku in turn without missing a beat. Axel was surprised by his own reaction to Leon’s self-control, which was a little pang of disappointment. He hadn’t wanted Leon to make a fuss, but couldn’t he have at least made his gaze linger on his former lover? Anything? Axel liked to think he was memorable in bed, and this was just flat-out disrespectful.</p><p>“I’m surprised you’re here so soon. I didn’t expect you for a few more weeks, but it’s good you’ve arrived now. We need your help more than ever.” He stood up and shook their hands, introducing himself to Axel as though it were the first time. “Welcome to the Mickey Mouse Club!” he joked. </p><p>“It’s like being stuck with two lame dads!” Riku protested, causing Axel to chuckle and Leon to look confused. </p><p>“I just made the same joke. Great minds think alike,” he winked. “Riku’s too young to remember the program, I guess.” Axel was pleased at the way Leon blushed ever so slightly as Axel spoke to him.</p><p>“Let’s get to work,” Leon suggested.</p>
<hr/><p>It was quickly apparent that Leon was the leader of the group. He explained what roles Riku and Axel should fill in detail, peppering his descriptions with warnings about everything that could go wrong. He was extremely thorough and direct, which Axel appreciated, and he spoke with a mesmerizing intensity that even Axel, usually so quick to quip, couldn’t bring himself to interrupt. He also looked wildly attractive in his current outfit, something that threatened to derail Axel’s attention constantly.</p><p>Riku was instructed to focus his attention exclusively on monitoring DiZ’s whereabouts and future plans. Riku protested at first, probably tired of his old boss, but Leon insisted he was the only person who could do the job. </p><p>Leon next directed his attention to Axel. He was to keep a close eye on Sora and monitor the members of the Organization to make sure they didn’t disrupt his mission of closing the keyholes in each world. They had apparently been working hard to infiltrate the Organization and had only recently succeeded. Axel was pleased to hear that Demyx had defected. </p><p>“Will I be able to talk to him?” Axel asked, trying not to sound as eager as he was. He wanted to stay as cool and collected as Leon was around him.</p><p>“It’s difficult to say. He comes and goes when he’s able. It’s sporadic. We never know when he’ll show up or when he’ll have to leave, so it’s possible, yes, but it’s too risky to arrange a meeting. If you’d like to leave any message in particular for him, I can make sure he gets it.”</p><p>Axel thought about it briefly and decided against it. He wanted to speak to Demyx face to face. </p><p>It was late into the evening when everything had been discussed, and Leon invited them to retire to their rooms.  Leon led them through a door past the Research Lab that led to a hallway lined with doors. He pointed out the available rooms. Riku chose the first one available, but Axel followed Leon to the very end of the hallway, choosing the room that was farthest away from those that were already occupied. </p><p>Leon followed him inside, ostensibly to explain to him how to use the shower, a lesson he had conveniently neglected for Riku, and Axel’s desire overtook him before his brain could catch up. The second they were both inside, he shut the door, pushing Leon against it and ripping off his jacket and shirt, running his hands down Leon’s firm chest, abs, and biceps, savoring the impeccable tautness of his features and the perfect tan of his skin. Leon did not resist, and when Axel unzipped the fly of his pants and got down on his knees, Leon uttered his first words, “Don’t stop, Axel.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter we’ll delve into Axel’s mission to keep tabs on Sora and learn a little more about Riku’s feelings for his best friend.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Sora</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel awoke late the next morning to find Leon was already gone.  He sighed and stretched, remembering his favorite details of the previous evening. He started to get hard again and gave into the temptation to touch himself. As he got closer to climax, Roxas entered his fantasy, like he always did, and filled Axel with guilt. What would he say if Roxas asked him how many people he’d slept with while they were apart? The honest answer was “As many as I could,” which he knew reflected poorly on his self control. It had been easier when Roxas had first left. He’d been so deep in his despair that he couldn’t see a future in which he would have to explain himself. </p><p>Now that all his goals were back on track and there was some possibility that he and Roxas would be reunited, he knew he had to shape up. He had to <em> prove </em> to Roxas that he was better than before, that he could be trusted. He picked up his cloak from where it had been thrown off the night before and fished out the “Winner” popsicle stick that Roxas had left on his nightstand the day he abandoned the Organization. <em> Remember you promised yourself that when you gave this back to him you’d be a changed man. And look at you now. Imagine the look on Roxas’s face when he finds out. </em></p><p>Suddenly Axel remembered something that had gotten lost in the hectic last few days. Riku had said that Roxas didn’t want to come back with him when he’d asked. Maybe his subconscious had been sparing him the pain of this reality on purpose. </p><p>Axel decided not to give it any more attention. For now, he would spend his time protecting Roxas in any way he could. While the thought of being around Sora’s big head and Goofy and Donald’s mindless banter didn’t delight him, at least he would know Roxas was safe. He was beginning to understand what Riku had told him from the beginning. If he wanted Roxas back again someday, Sora had to survive. He felt a surge of pride at the nobleness of his sacrifice. It overrode the guilt he felt from sleeping with Leon. One day he’d be able to complain to Roxas about all the time he’d spent bored out of his mind following Sora around, and Roxas would laugh and say how grateful he was for everything Axel had done for him. Roxas would get down on his knees and do exactly what Axel had done for Leon last night. Picturing it inspired Axel to return to his previous activity, except this time his orgasm came swiftly and without regret.</p><hr/><p>Axel walked to the Research Lab to find Leon alone. He considered coming back later when someone else was there, but he realized this would be happening often, so he might as well get used to it and take the opportunity to find out what Leon was like outside of the bedroom.</p><p>“Good morning.”</p><p>“Good afternoon,” Leon corrected, turning in his computer chair. “You look like you slept well.”</p><p>“I did,” he grinned. This was followed by an awkward silence, followed by them both speaking at once. Axel ended up finishing his thought first. “So how do I find Sora?”</p><p>“He’s at Beast’s Castle today. Are you familiar with the world?”</p><p>“It’s been a while,” Axel responded, thinking back to the last time he’d been there. He and Roxas had stayed up all night talking the evening before that mission. Roxas's lack of sleep had made him loopy and adorable, and he’d fallen asleep in Axel’s lap in the West Wing. It was one of Axel’s favorite memories. </p><p>“You okay?” Leon asked</p><p>“Yes,” Axel responded, reluctantly pulling himself back to the present. “So what should I <em> do </em>exactly? Just show up and announce that I’ll be stalking him from now on? Don’t know if that will go over well…” </p><p>“Sora won’t know that you’re on our side yet, and he probably won’t believe you when you tell him either. Honestly, I only trusted you because of what Riku told me.”</p><p>Axel wanted to make a comment about how much Leon had trusted him that night they spent together in Twilight Town, but managed to hold his tongue. “So what do I do then? Hide behind pillars and hope he doesn’t see me?”</p><p>“Essentially, yes. The reason why we’re so happy you and Riku defected is that you both have the ability to summon dark portals, which means you can report back on the enemies latest moves a lot faster than we‘ve managed to do. We only hear from Sora when he’s traveling by gummi ship. Once he’s on the ground, we completely lose contact. That’s where you come in, to fill in the gaps in our knowledge. Our goal is to be one step ahead of the Organization.”</p><p>“Fair enough… but what if an Organization member acts up? Should I step in?”</p><p>“Only if absolutely necessary, if it means protecting Sora’s life. We’d rather not let the Organization know that you’re helping us, for your safety and ours, so it’s best stay out of their way too.”</p><p>“No fighting, no talking to anyone. Sounds like a blast.” </p><p>“You’d be of great use us here as well, if you really don’t want to-”</p><p>“No, it’s alright, really, Leon. I’ll do anything for Roxas.”</p><p>“Noted.”</p><p>“Before I go, can I ask you something? How is Demyx doing?”</p><p>Leon colored slightly, something Axel wouldn’t have thought possible for such a composed gentleman. “He’s good-fine. He stops in, not as often as I’d - we’d - like. I mean, he seems good,” Leon finished lamely.</p><p>Axel was confused by seeing Leon so flustered, but continued, “Well, if he’s ever here when I am, can you let me know? I’d really like to talk to him again… We’re old friends,” Axel added in explanation to Leon’s oddly intent expression. “He’s one of my only friends actually.”</p><p>“Just a friend?” </p><p>“Yup,” Axel replied with a nod. It was more or less true.  They’d hooked up a lot before and after Roxas, but there was never any serious intentions. The look of relief on Leon’s face gave Axel an unpleasant sensation. <em> Leon has a crush on me </em>. Not good. He’d have to talk him out of it eventually. He switched the subject back to the day’s task. “There’s one problem… all the dark portals I used are monitored by the Organization. If I open one, they’ll be onto me in no time.” </p><p>“Riku knows how, but I’m not sure where he’s gone off to. He was very good at getting around DiZ’s defenses. He’s very intelligent.”</p><p>“I know where he is. I’ll show you.” Axel turned to see Tifa. She returned his gaze pensively. “Didn’t I know you from school? You were in the grade below me.”</p><p>“That was my Somebody, Lea,” Axel corrected, impressed that she noticed the resemblance. Apparently Leon had no memories of Lea at all because he didn’t react.</p><p>“Well, it’s all the same, isn’t it?” she shrugged. “Follow me.” She guided him back into the labyrinth of tunnels surrounding their headquarters. Axel liked her already. He tried not to be too obvious as he followed a step behind and admired her spectacular build.</p><p>She stopped suddenly and pointed to a door. “He’s in there. I’ve gotta be off! Bye Lea! Or Axel? Do you care which I call you?”</p><p>Axel would have sarcastically annihilated anyone else who tried to equate him with Lea, but not Tifa. “No, I don’t mind,” Axel said with a smile that she didn’t see as she briskly turned the corner.</p><p> “So you’re going by Lea now?” Riku grinned as he entered the room. </p><p>“<em>Tifa </em> can call me whatever she wants. I’m here because I heard you can get me to Sora.”</p><p>“Only if you promise me something.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“Promise you won’t hurt him.”</p><p>Axel resented this statement. “If Sora gets hurt, Roxas gets hurt, so I don’t see why you’re lecturing me.”</p><p>“I don’t mean hurt physically. I mean mentally. He’s been through a lot having just gotten all his memories back... You’ll let me know how he is, won’t you?”</p><p>“Why don’t you come with me and find out for yourself? I’m sure Leon wouldn’t mind.”</p><p>“There’s <em> a lot </em> I haven’t told Sora about what I’ve been up to. I’d rather wait until the moment is right… Was there ever a time you did something so bad you couldn’t tell Roxas about it?”</p><p>Axel nodded. There were too many to name.</p><p>“I knew we had a lot in common, Axel,” Riku sighed, and he looked as though he might be about to cry. “Please, just don’t tell Sora that I’m here, okay?”</p><p>Axel felt desperately uncomfortable and tried to come up with one of his sarcastic quips, but Riku’s earnestness made them all seem harsh and unwarranted. <em> What does he want from me?  </em></p><p>“What’s wrong, Axel?”</p><p>“I won’t say anything to Sora.”</p><p>Riku didn’t seem to hear him and continued thoughtfully, “I’ve been thinking… You and I have made a lot of the same mistakes, but at least you have an excuse. You were born as a Nobody, and you <em> had </em> to be part of Organization XIII. I didn’t have to work for DiZ. I could still be with Sora if I hadn’t been so reckless and stupid.”</p><p>“Don’t be too hard on yourself. I could’ve left the Organization if I’d really wanted to. I don’t have an excuse either.”</p><p>Suddenly, Riku was in his arms, sobbing into his shoulder. Axel patted his back gently, feeling more than a little confused about how to act. He wanted to help him, but<em> how </em>? Tell a joke? Kiss him? No and no. This was one of those moments when having a full-fledged heart would be incredibly helpful.</p><p>Thankfully, Riku’s tears subsided on their own, and he removed himself from Axel’s embrace.</p><p>“Thank you, Axel. I can’t tell you how nice it is to have a real friend.”</p><p>Axel felt this statement right where his heart would have been. Looking at Riku’s tear-lined face, he experienced a warmth of affection that surprised him.</p><p>“So, er,  good luck out there,” Riku offered with a timid smile.</p><p>“Hanging out with Donald and Goofy all day? I’m gonna need it.”</p><p>“You didn’t mention Sora?”</p><p>“Eh, I guess if he’s your best friend, he can’t be that bad. I’ll give him another chance,” Axel conceded.</p><p>Judging from Riku’s expression, Axel finally felt he’d picked the <em> right </em> thing to say, and, amazingly, it had come without thought or effort. </p><p>Riku taught Axel to create a portal that deposited him in a shadowy area of the castle grounds. He was grateful it was evening, so he could hide more easily if he ran into anyone, though he appeared to be alone. He made his way to a servant’s entrance and arrived in the main entrance hall. He could hear voices coming from somewhere upstairs but couldn’t see anyone. He walked in the shadows behind pillars and listened more closely. The sound was clearly coming from the East Wing, but Axel was tempted to follow the opposite staircase back to the place where he had spent that lazy afternoon with Roxas. How long ago had that been? Time had been flowing by in such a strange way. It had seemed to slow down after Roxas had left him and sped up as soon as Axel had left the Organization. He was happy to be here protecting Roxas from danger. He finally had a purpose. For the first time, he was doing something he wanted to do because he <em> chose </em> to be doing it. </p><p> He was lost in thought as he quietly made his way to the door at the end of the hallway in the East Wing. He could hear the unmistakable voice of the Beast, rife with emotion.</p><p>“This is what I am! When you first got here, I tried to change, but I was only fooling myself. I can’t be any different. I’ll always be a beast, so I should live like a beast. With no one, alone.”</p><p>Axel was paralyzed, telling himself he would have to move soon. <em> He’ll be coming out of the room, </em>he urged, but a much louder part of himself was reacting to the Beast’s words. Much like Riku just minutes ago, he had spoken aloud the fears that Axel had always kept to himself. It wasn’t until he saw the door open that he quickly hid himself in the space between it and the wall. He peeked out to see Belle walking alone down the hall. </p><p>He heard Sora’s voice next. It was so similar to Roxas’s, and hearing it in a place where they’d once been together, combined with all the fears the Beast’s words had awoken, made his heart sink with dread. His impulse was to get away immediately, but Sora’s voice transfixed him.</p><p>“What’s so special about one rose, anyway?” Sora asked gently. </p><p>Another unfamiliar voice answered, “If the master can love and be loved in return, the spell will be broken, but there is a time limit. He must find his true love before the last petal falls from the rose.”</p><p>“It’s as though all his hopes and dreams are tied to that single bloom,” another voice said.</p><p>“Poor Beast! Then we have to get it back!” Sora insisted. Axel was touched by the compassion and conviction in his voice. Roxas would have wanted the same. He would do anything for the people he cared about. He would’ve been loyal to Axel until the end if Axel hadn’t so recklessly betrayed his trust and broken his heart. For the first time, Axel started to feel something for Sora that he thought had been reserved only for Roxas. It was just like Riku said, maybe they weren’t that different after all. </p><p>Axel heard Sora, Donald, and Goofy exit the room. He watched them speed down the hallway and around the corner. He knew that whoever had been speaking must still be inside, so he carefully peaked through the crack between the hinges and the doorframe to see the bizarre image of a candlestick, clock, and teapot pacing back and forth on the floor. Axel waited until the objects were on the other side of the room to sneak past the doorway. </p><p>He sped back to the main staircase and heard the trio in the West Wing. He peeked around the corner to see the three of them entering the very room where he and Roxas had spent that magical afternoon. He’d felt compelled to go there moments ago, but now he hesitated. Suddenly, he felt like he couldn’t face the memory of it. It was too much. </p><p>It was Sora’s voice that urged him forward, “Are you really gonna throw your happiness away? The rose is your only hope, isn’t it? Don’t throw away your last chance. Remember what it was like before Belle lived here?”</p><p>Axel’s heart was aching. This was so like Roxas. He was a dreamy romantic, always believing the best in people, even people as stupid and hopeless the Beast seemed. “You can’t give up. Not now!”</p><p>“I know one thing,” the Beast said with confidence, “This castle belongs to me. Xaldin will never be welcome here.”</p><p>Axel panicked. Xaldin was the most recklessly violent of all the Organization members. While Xemnas and Saix were cruel and calculating, Xaldin destroyed his targets swiftly and mercilessly. Axel feared for Sora’s life. <em> But Leon told you not to intervene! </em> It took everything Axel had not to burst through the door, sweep Sora up in his arms and whisk him back to Hollow Bastion. There’s no way Sora would stand a chance against Xaldin. Why did they have a kid wielding such a dangerous weapon anyway? Axel was tormented by this thought as the door opened, and they all exited, heading back to the entrance hall. Axel meant to follow them, but the musty smell that hit him through the open door brought the memories back full force. </p><p>Roxas had been tired because they’d stayed up all night the evening before, the evening of their first real date. Axel had believed that he and Roxas would be together forever that afternoon. He’d even almost forgotten what he’d been doing at Castle Oblivion. He had been so seduced by Roxas’s adoration of him, he almost believed what Roxas said was true - that he wasn’t such a bad guy after all.</p><p>Axel found himself looking inside to see the pedestal where the glowing rose had been. He remembered staring at it peacefully while Roxas fell asleep in his arms. But just before he’d dozed off, he’d asked the question that Axel had been so afraid to answer. “What did you mean when you talked about Castle Oblivion yesterday?”</p><p>Axel’s reverie was broken as he heard Xaldin’s voice booming from somewhere outside. He ran to the balcony without bothering to be discreet and saw Xaldin summoning his weapons. Axel was prepared to run to Sora’s aid, but instead of seeing Sora being dismembered before his eyes, he had the pleasure of witnessing Xaldin getting absolutely pummeled. How did a boy, a dog, and a duck manage to fight so well? Axel was, quite frankly, impressed. He hid in the shadow of the curtains as he watched the rest of the battle play out. Every move Xaldin made, each one more desperate than the last, was countered with ease. When the battle ended, Xaldin shrunk back into a dark portal. There was some discussion outside, and then Sora and his companions left. </p><p>Axel took a portal back to Hollow Bastion.  Leon was there at the computer just as Axel had left him. It was strange to return after such a harrowing experience to find things so calm and unchanged.</p><p>“How did it go?” Leon asked. </p><p>Axel had a fleeting desire to answer honestly, but it passed. “It was okay,” was all he managed. </p><p>“Are they safe?’ Leon looked concerned now.</p><p>“Yes, it’s not that. Everything is okay. I just… it’s been a crazy fucking day,” he admitted. </p><p>“You know I’ve got a bottle of whiskey in my room that I wouldn’t mind sharing,” Leon grinned.</p><p>“Now you’re talking,” Axel smiled back. </p><p>Axel followed him to one of the many nondescript doors in the hallway of rooms. He entered to find Leon’s space was very messy. There were papers scattered around with random equations penciled on them and clothes thrown everywhere. It looked much like Axel’s own room would be once he got comfortable. </p><p>Leon produced the whiskey from the drawer in his bedside table, took a swig straight from the bottle, then handed it to Axel. “No cups, sorry.”</p><p>“I prefer it like this, Axel assured him. The warmth coursing through his body as he took the first sip filled him with relief. It had been a long time since he’d had a drink. He missed this feeling. He hadn’t eaten all day, and the liquor was going straight to his head, just like he wanted.</p><p>“So what’s ailing you, Axel?”</p><p>“Where to begin?”</p><p>“Sounds like you and I have been having the same kind of day then.” They passed the bottle a few more times until it was almost empty. </p><p>“So what’s bothering you?” Axel asked, hoping to keep the attention away from himself.</p><p>“It’s many things, but mostly... Fuck, I’ll just say it. I’ve got a crush.”</p><p>Axel managed to panic through the warm halo of alcohol. <em> Oh god, he has a crush on you, remember? You shouldn’t even be here. What are you gonna tell him? </em></p><p>Before Axel could say anything, Leon continued. “The awkward part is, it’s someone we both know.”</p><p>
  <em> He thinks I don’t already know. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! </em>
</p><p>“You’re not going to even ask? Fine, I’ll tell you, but you can’t make fun of me. It’s Demyx.”</p><p>Axel laughed with relief, then paused to imagine Leon and Demyx together. Stoic Leon with spacey Demyx. It might actually work. </p><p>“I know it’s preposterous, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Leon muttered, taking a seat on his armchair and the assortment of wrinkled clothes covering it.</p><p>“I’m not laughing because - no! I’m laughing because I’m relieved. I think you two would be surprisingly good together.”</p><p>Leon looked positively miserable. Axel felt obliged to comfort him.</p><p>“L<em>eon </em> ! Listen to me. Demyx is <em> hot </em>, and I give him a hard time, but he does have a few good qualities, and if you like him, why not go for it? Does he know?”</p><p>Leon was quick to jump in with a firm “No, and you can’t tell him! We keep things very professional. I don’t plan on doing anything about it until the war is over.”</p><p>“Oh, you need to be <em>doing</em> <em>him before the war is over</em> is what you need to be doing! You can’t hesitate because we might all be dead by then!” Axel easily admitted something he never dared consciously think about when sober. “Just go for it! I’ll help you. I’ve fucked him <em>so many times</em>. Trust me, I know everything there is to know. <em>Too much,</em> honestly,” he revealed before seeing the concerned expression on Leon’s face </p><p>“Have you had sex with<em> everyone </em>, Axel?” </p><p>“C’mon Leon! No!”</p><p>“Oh really? How many men have you slept with?”</p><p>“Just men? Uhh... I honestly couldn’t give you the number if I tried.”</p><p>Leon stared at him dumbfounded.</p><p>“What about you?” Axel pressed. “You’re sexy as hell. Haven’t you been with a lot of people?”</p><p>“I can’t even believe I’m about to tell you this, but I know you’ll insist anyway. Just two.”</p><p>“No way<em> . I </em>was number two?! I’m so honored, Leon,” he beamed. “But you seemed so confident the first night I met you. I never would’ve guessed…”</p><p>“I was just lonely and drunk and you made it so easy.”</p><p>“How romantic,” he grinned. “Demyx is number three. I’m making sure of it!”</p><p>“Axel, no! You can’t say anything.”</p><p>“Fine, we’ll do it your way. So what’s your plan?”</p><p>“Plan for...?”</p><p>“Your plan to seduce Demyx!”</p><p>“I don’t have one. Like I said. I’m bad at this kind of thing, and anyway, I’m going to wait until after-“</p><p>Axel interrupted his silly train of thought before it could get any stupider. “Leon, I’m at your service. How do you think I’ve fucked so many guys?  Flirtation is an art, and I’ll teach you everything I know. Demyx is an easy target too. I mean, he <em> does </em> insist he only likes women, but pshhh! Obviously not enough to kick me out of bed, so <em> we can overcome that! </em>” </p><p>“How?” Leon begged. “I’m not… I’m really not that type of guy.”</p><p>“Oh <em> come on, </em> Leon. You’re <em> cool </em>. You’ve got those moody scar-face vibes, the tough exterior, and that deep voice. All in all, it’s an alluring combination. We can use it to your advantage. I mean, unless you get to know Demyx and find he annoys the living shit out of you like everyone else…”</p><p>Leon was eyeing him with a strange look on his face. “You know I’ve never seen you get this excited…ever. I mean about something besides sex. Then again, I don’t know you all that well.”</p><p>“I don’t know what’s come over me. Maybe it’s the whiskey… Leon, what if we bust into the Organization and kidnap him right now?”</p><p>Leon laughed, “No! Of course we can’t, we’d <em> die </em>.” For some reason this sent them both into a fit of laughter. The alcohol was clearly working. </p><p>“Leon, would it hurt your feelings if I said this feels like a 13 year old girl’s slumber party? In a good way,” he added.</p><p>Leon stood up, pressing his body to Axel’s. “How would you feel if we made it a little more adult?”</p><p>Axel kissed him instinctively, but paused. His brain was reminding him he shouldn’t be doing this, but he couldn’t remember why. </p><p>“Is everything okay?” Leon asked, clearly sensing his hesitation.</p><p>“I don’t know. Is there some reason we shouldn’t?”</p><p>“No reason that I can think of. What’s one more time?” </p><p>“It just seems like.. I don’t know…” Axel hesitated, his euphoria clouding his reasoning.</p><p>“Wow, you’re <em> really </em> not yourself tonight.”</p><p>“Don’t be mad!” Axel begged, “It’s not that I don’t want to. I really want to.” He traced the line of the scar on Leon’s face gently with his finger, thinking. “You know what’s funny? For a second, I thought you had a crush on me.”</p><p>“Axel! Just <em> fuck me </em>already, would you?”</p><p>The offer was too tempting in Axel’s current state. He was willing to forget his concerns for tonight. Leon was right after all. What was one more time?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you’re curious about Axel and Roxas’s relationship dynamic outside of Axel’s memories, I wrote a fluffy/angsty little <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23312473">one-shot</a> of their first kiss.</p><p>Next week, Demyx makes an impromptu visit to Hollow Bastion, and Sora confronts Axel.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d tried very hard to be discreet around Sora for the first few weeks, but as time went on, he got lazy. He was sure Sora had seen glimpses of him and was starting to get suspicious. The problem was, the more Axel got to know Sora, the more he <em> wanted </em> Sora to notice him. He was starting to crave his attention and imagine what it would be like to speak to him, touch him, even more. It scared him. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. The plan was to get Roxas back, not fantasize about Sora in his absence. After the day Sora finally confronted him, it became that much harder.</p><p>The trio had been taking a break after defeating an army of heartless in Agrabah, and Axel had been staked out in a marketplace stall. It was a pleasantly hot and breezy day, so he’d decided to take a nap until things got interesting. He was just starting to doze off when he heard someone yelling at him. He awoke to find Sora standing in front of him looking angry.</p><p>Axel listened to Sora's threats with a smirk on his face. His identity was conveniently invisible to Sora under the hood of his robe. When Sora started to run out of steam, Axel felt compelled to do something reckless. </p><p>He stood up and took off his hood, and the look on Sora’s face when their eyes met had started it. His expression turned from angry to dazed, and he’d even blushed a little. He was so reminiscent of Roxas for a moment, but it didn’t last long.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Sora demanded.</p><p>Axel grinned. This would be fun. </p><p>“Just admiring the view, Sora.”</p><p>“I know that’s not true! I’m not afraid to fight you!”</p><p>“Funny, you didn’t look like you wanted to fight a second ago.”</p><p>“Yes, I did!” Sora insisted with less resolve.</p><p>“Then why are you blushing again?”</p><p>“I’m not!”</p><p>He really <em> was </em> different from Roxas. Roxas rarely raised his voice. Yet there was a vulnerability they both shared underneath it all. Sora didn’t want to fight him. It was all a front. Axel was making Sora nervous. He knew why, and he couldn’t stop himself from provoking Sora further. </p><p>Axel took a few steps closer, and Sora unconsciously lowered his weapon. Axel was just a foot away now, clearly invading Sora’s personal space. Sora didn’t move an inch. </p><p>“Are you blushing because you find me attractive?”</p><p>“No, I’m <em> mad </em> because you work for the Organization, and you shouldn’t be here!”</p><p>“You really want me to go?”</p><p>Sora’s face betrayed a wealth of conflicting emotions, and Axel was breathless wondering what he would do next.</p><p>He liked the way Sora talked back to him. Sometimes he’d wished Roxas would let him have it - tell him openly he was a liar and a fuck-up - but Roxas didn’t express himself that way. He’d chosen to leave quietly in the night. He would’ve gone without a word if Axel hadn’t found him out.</p><p>“How long have you been following me?” Sora asked. </p><p>“Long enough to know you’re not acting like yourself right now. You have a member of Organization XIII standing right in front of you unarmed, and all you can do is stare at me.”</p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>Axel chuckled and instead of telling him the naughty truth, he settled for a safe answer. “I just want to know what you’re thinking.”</p><p>“I’m not going to tell you,” he muttered. He was becoming increasingly flustered, and Axel found it impossibly cute.</p><p>“Why not?” Axel whispered, leaning in a little closer, transfixed by Sora’s blue eyes. They were identical to Roxas’s, and they were urging him closer.</p><p>“I have a feeling I shouldn’t trust you.”</p><p>“You’re right not to trust me. Got it memorized?”</p><p>Sora winced and put a hand to his temple. His eyes closed for a few seconds and when he opened them, it was as though he were waking from a dream. As soon as he registered Axel’s face in front of him, he stumbled away without a word.</p><p>It had been a baffling conclusion to their first real interaction, but the disappointment he felt when it ended made Axel desperate to talk to Sora again. It was all he could think about for the rest of the day and well into the night.</p><hr/><p>The next morning he was delighted to find a familiar face in the Research Lab.</p><p>“Demyx?! Fuck, I’m so happy to see you!” he exclaimed, scooping Demyx into a big hug. “How is everything?” </p><p>Demyx sighed before continuing. “It’s not good, Axel. I lost my battle with Sora - on <em> purpose </em> , I might add- but since then Xemnas has made life extra miserable for me. He always puts me on the worst missions, and other than that he keeps me cooped up at headquarters. I used to have you to kill the hours, but now I just sit around all day. I’m so <em> bored</em>!”</p><p>Axel couldn’t help but smile at his familiar theatrics. “I’ve missed you, Demyx.” </p><p>Demyx returned his smile and pulled him into another hug. They’d fallen into the habit of arguing almost constantly back in their Organization days, but Axel could see that Demyx had the same good intentions as he did now. </p><p>“Everyone is furious that you defected by the way. They all think I’ll be next, little do they know I’ve already done it,” Demyx grinned.</p><p>“Well, fuck them! You’re the only Organization member I care about.”</p><p>“I don’t think I’m wrong in saying you’ve <em> never </em> complimented me before, and you seem so <em> happy </em>. What’s changed?”</p><p>“You’re right… I guess it’s just that since I joined forces with the ‘good side,’” Axel said, adding some sarcastic air quotes so Demyx wouldn’t think he’d gone completely insane, “Life has gotten better.”</p><p>“What do they have you doing?”</p><p>Axel was a little hesitant to answer, fearing Demyx’s judgment, especially if he insisted on pressing for details. “I‘ve been keeping an eye on Sora.”</p><p>“If that’s all, then why do you look so guilty?”</p><p>“Ughhh Demyx. Can’t we just -“</p><p>“You’d better be nice to him for Roxas’s sake. I know you’ve never liked Sora.”</p><p>“Well, maybe that’s changed,” Axel admitted, wary of Demyx’s reaction again.</p><p>“So you have a thing for Sora now?”</p><p>“Well, if Roxas never comes back-“</p><p>“How likely is it that Roxas won’t come back?”</p><p>“I talked with Namine. She thinks she could revive him, but we have no way of knowing for sure. If Namine doesn’t survive this war, I don’t know who else could do it. She’s safe for now, but I worry what will happen to her, Roxas, Sora - all of us.”</p><p>“Since when do you give a shit about anyone else?”</p><p>Axel grinned. “Demyx, why don’t you leave the Organization and stay here? I think all of us would be happy to have you.” </p><p>“I want to, and I’ve thought about it, but the reason Leon approached me in the first place was to provide intel on the Organization’s plans. I can’t do that without being in the Organization.”</p><p>“Are you even privy to that information anymore? Don’t give me that look! I just mean because Xemnas keeps you locked up all day.”</p><p>“I’m here, aren’t I? And I still go to meetings.”</p><p>“Do you pay attention in those meetings?” Axel asked, goading him with a sarcastic smile. </p><p>“Gee, if I stuck around, I could be treated like <em> this </em>all day. Wouldn’t that be lovely?” </p><p>When Leon arrived, he looked surprised and smiled slightly, then settled back into his usual, impassable expression. </p><p>“Hi Demyx. Glad to see you back. Any news?” His professional demeanor was <em> killing </em>Axel. Leon would definitely need his help if he was going to woo Demyx.</p><p>“Nothing really. I was assigned to do reconnaissance on you guys today. I’ll need help making up some stuff to report back to Xemnas, but other than that, I’m free to hang out! Where should we go?”</p><p>“That’s not risky, is it - to leave? “ Leon asked, an edge of real concern escaping from his cool demeanor.</p><p>“Only one way to find out, right?” Demyx replied, wearing his most infectious smile. “So what do you do for <em> fun </em> around here?”</p><p>“Leon’s got whiskey,” Axel offered.</p><p>“It’s 9am,” they both responded in unison. </p><p>Judging by the look on both their faces, Axel could tell he wouldn’t get his way. “Fine, where shall we go?”</p><p>“I can’t just halt my work!” Leon protested. </p><p>“I thought you hadn’t made progress with that program in weeks!”</p><p>“You’re right,” Leon groaned.</p><p>“What about Sora?” Demyx asked. </p><p>“He’s in Atlantica today. No danger there, except dying of boredom. Besides, I hate the way I look as a merman,” Axel shuddered.</p><p>“Well, I think you <em> deserve </em> to be there after all the times you convinced Xemnas to send me there in your place,” Demyx complained.</p><p>“But I thought you liked Atlantica? Besides, you look cute as a merman,” Axel lied. No one looked cute as a merman.</p><p>“You really think so?”</p><p>Axel was pleased by how easy it was to flatter Demyx. He was so used to Leon and Riku by now. They were a difficult audience, and he was more likely to receive an eye roll than a smile.</p><p>“Is Riku here?” Axel asked Leon.</p><p>“No, already gone.”</p><p>“Damn, he gets up early,”</p><p>“I’ve told you before. You’re the <em> only </em>one who sleeps in this late, Axel.”</p><p>“You know where I want to go?” Demyx interjected. “Back to Twilight Town. It’s been a long time.”</p><p>“I know a good place,” Axel offered, opening a portal. After Demyx walked through, Leon gave him a somewhat panicked look, and Axel threw him a reassuring wink before following behind. </p><hr/><p>A few hours had passed, and Axel was very impressed by his handiwork. He had them all drinking at the local 24 hour dive bar within the first thirty minutes, effectively quashing any more complaints about Sora or Roxas from Demyx. As the day wore on, it had become painfully obvious just how much Leon liked Demyx, and how much Demyx seemed oblivious to Leon. Even so, Axel could see signs of potential. Demyx took the edge off of Leon’s cool guy persona with his quirky personality, and Leon made Demyx act slightly more mature for a change. He wondered how he could heat things up between the two of them and make Demyx see Leon as more than a friend. </p><p>His chance came when Leon approached the bar to get them another round of drinks and Axel was finally alone with Demyx.</p><p>“Leon’s hot, isn’t he?” Axel knew he was using the oldest trick in the book, but sometimes the oldest tricks worked best. </p><p>“Oh come <em> on,</em> Axel! Do you have to fuck everything that moves?”</p><p>“Leon asked me the same thing the other day. The two of you seem to have a lot in common!”</p><p>“Guess so,” he replied, zoning out as he shamelessly ogled the barmaid. </p><p>
  <em> Axel, think, think, think! You know Demyx. What does Demyx like? Water? No, that’s not helpful. Music! His sitar. He liked to play the sitar! But did Leon like music?  </em>
</p><p>As he pondered, Leon returned to the table with another round. </p><p>“Leon, did you know Demyx plays the sitar?”</p><p>“You really do? I play drums!”</p><p>Demyx’s face lit up.  “We should play together some time! I’ve missed jamming out. They don’t let us do that at the Organization.” </p><p>Axel’s tipsy brain rejoiced.</p><p>Leon seemed so pleased he was totally lost for words. “I’m sure he’d like that,” Axel offered, patting his friend on the back. </p><p>“Too bad I don’t have my sitar with me. Oh shit, guys! I need to get back!” he said, chugging the rest of the beer Leon had brought him. “Let me just find some cash.”</p><p>“It’s on me,” offered Leon. </p><p>“Thanks!” Demyx shouted as he ran outside.</p><p>“I think you two are cute together,” Axel encouraged.</p><p>“I think I need to get over him. He likes women, Axel. It’s obvious.”</p><p>“So do I, but I’m still banging you! It’s not so black and white, and it doesn’t mean we should give up! I can tell he’s distracted right now. I think the next time you need to cut through the bullshit and tell him exactly how you feel and what you want to do to him.”</p><p>“I could never!”</p><p>“It worked for me,” Axel shrugged.</p><p>“Please stop reminding me how easy this all is for you,” he grumbled.</p><p>“Well, if it helps, I can sleep with anyone I want, but I couldn’t keep the one person I actually care about,” Axel confessed before he could stop himself. There was a lot on his mind and with Demyx gone and the alcohol flowing, he had an urge to reveal the whole truth to Leon.</p><p>“Do you know I have a thing for Roxas?”</p><p>“I guessed it when you said you’d do anything for him.”</p><p>“We used to eat sea salt ice cream on the clock tower here every day after we finished our missions. That’s where we first kissed” Axel couldn’t help but smile as he remembered it. “Roxas asked me what a kiss was. He was so innocent and sweet in the beginning. I only wanted to help him, but I made his life fucking miserable instead,” Axel finished, gulping down the last of his whiskey. </p><p>“Sometimes I was so ashamed of the work I was doing for the Organization that I couldn’t even face him, but I couldn’t ignore him for too long either. The worst part was, he’d always accept me back no matter how long I’d been away because he didn’t have anyone, not until Xion came along. Xion and Roxas could relate to each other in a way no one else could. Neither of them had memories of their past. Once Roxas found out what I let happen to Xion, he left.” He didn’t like to think about Xion. The pain was too great. He glanced at Leon who was looking back at him with sincere compassion. It was a relief to see his friend still cared.</p><p>“How bad were things between you when he left? Maybe there’s still hope.”</p><p>“He tried to leave without seeing me, but when I found him, he said he needed answers, and he wanted to find them on his own. The last thing he said to me was ‘no one would miss me.’ That’s how little he thought I cared, and I <em> know </em> why he believed that, but it wasn’t true. Before Roxas, I had no feelings or regard for anyone or anything, but Roxas made me feel like I had a heart. From the second we met, I devoted all my time and energy to protecting him, and I <em> did </em> protect him - from death at least. That’s the one thing I’m proud of. But I also made him so unhappy that he agreed to merge himself with Sora, and now I may never get him back. I should’ve told him the truth. Maybe none of this would’ve happened, and we would still be together.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You were thrown into the Organization without a proper heart or conscience. I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like.  What I can tell you is that I don’t think you’re heartless anymore. You’re a good person, Axel. You did what you could for Roxas, and you’re still doing what you can for Sora. That counts for something. And you left the Organization behind. I’m sure that wasn’t easy.”</p><p>“Only because DiZ gave me brain damage and Riku bartered for my life.”</p><p>“Still, you’re making amends. It’s better than doing nothing… And even if Roxas never comes back, you still have us. I hate to talk about my feelings as much as you, but... I was really lonely before you got here, and you’ve made life at headquarters fun. For Riku, too. I see the way you are with him. The three of us aren’t perfect, and we’ve all done things we regret, but we have each other, and at least we’re trying. That’s what I tell myself whenever I lose courage.”</p><p>Axel was moved beyond words. Leon was right.  There was a special bond that tied the three of them together, and it was lucky that they’d all found each other.  Demyx had said he looked happier, and truthfully, Leon and Riku were the reason why. He didn’t have everything he wanted, but he had more than he’d ever had before. </p><p>“Axel, it’s not worth it to live in the past. You’ve got to look towards the future.”</p><p>Axel considered it for a moment before asking, “Leon, do you think it would be bad if I started talking to Sora?” </p><p>“We <em> really </em>need him in good shape so he can save the world for us.”</p><p>“You’re right. I’ll leave him alone.”</p><p>Axel managed to avoid talking to Sora for two weeks before he kissed him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For everyone who's read this far, thank you! I know this story is a slow burner, so I appreciate you taking the time to get to know these characters so you can fully appreciate the drama that's about to unfold.</p><p>Also want to say extra thanks to my little band of subscribers - I appreciate your faith in me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Temptation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for all the love - reading, kudos-ing (is that how we say it?), commenting, etc. It gives my life meaning and joy despite the Virus Who Must Not Be Named!</p><p>Okay, now please enjoy the shenanigans of this naughty redhead!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It happened in Twilight Town. Sora had been in a fierce battle with some dusks when Saix arrived. He was hooded, but Axel recognized his voice.</p><p>“Impressive,” Saix hissed. “By the way, have you seen a man named Axel? I expect he’s here somewhere.”</p><p>“Like I care!” Sora retorted. <em> Oh good </em> , thought Axel, <em> he’s got a soft spot for me already. </em></p><p>“You see, Axel’s no longer acting in our best interest,” Saix continued. Axel knew he was trying to gauge Sora’s reaction to this news so he could use it against him somehow. It was one of the many ways he enjoyed manipulating people. </p><p>“Is he with the Organization, too?” Goofy asked. Axel rolled his eyes. He’d had enough of Sora’s brainless sidekicks for a lifetime.</p><p>“Yes,” Saix responded.</p><p>“You having a fight?” Donald spewed.Axel couldn’t stand his gross little duck voice.</p><p>“Not a very organized Organization!” Sora chimed in. <em> Very clever. </em>Axel rolled his eyes. Sora was already disappointing him. Maybe he’d gotten too far ahead of himself thinking he and Sora could get along.</p><p>Saix continued, “Axel aside, it would break our hearts to hear something happened to you.”</p><p>“Hearts? You don’t have any hearts!” Donald retorted.</p><p>Saix sounded amused as he replied. “True, we don’t have hearts, but we remember what it was like. That’s what makes us special. Just keep on fighting those heartless,” he said as he disappeared through a dark portal.</p><p>Axel wasn’t pleased to hear the Organization was looking for him, but he thought he could take them as long as they came at him one at a time. He felt lucky he didn’t have to fight anyone today though. By revealing that Axel had defected, Saix had made the perfect opening for him to talk to Sora without being verbally attacked again. </p><p>At the end of the day, Axel followed the trio to the cozy inn where they always spent their nights in Twilight Town. This was usually the time when Axel would return to Hollow Bastion to report back to Leon, but not today. Axel was very thankful when Goofy and Donald retired early and Sora sat alone in front of the lobby’s fireplace with an empty armchair next to him.</p><p>As Axel sat down in it, Sora dramatically stood up. “I’m still not afraid to fight you,” he exclaimed, summoning his keyblade. Axel causally peered at the bell desk where a woman was looking at them wide-eyed with concern. </p><p>“Keep it down, Sora. Weren’t you listening earlier? It’s like Saix said, I defected. I’m at your service now,” he said, bowing his head and flashing his most effective smile. </p><p>He was pleased by the effect it seemed to have. Sora’s keyblade disappeared and he sat back down by the fire, looking at Axel expectantly.</p><p>“You told me not to trust you.”</p><p>“Wise of you to remember. I’ll try to prove it to you. I’ve been living in Hollow Bastion, and I’ve spent a lot of time with your friend Leon who’s trying to crack into Ansem’s computer. He sent me here to keep you safe and report back on the deeds of the Organization.”</p><p>“I don’t need you to help me. I’ve been perfectly fine on my own,” Sora protested.</p><p>Axel struggled to keep his composure. Sora’s antagonism towards him was becoming more annoying then cute. He’d been playing up the similarities between Sora and Roxas in his imagination the past couple weeks, and now Sora was doing a good job of reminding him they were not the same person.</p><p>“Of course you are,” Axel replied with forced sweetness. “It’s just that I can use dark magic,” he said, and seeing that Sora was not comprehending him, he added, “Dark portals. To get around. Send a message to Leon in case you’re ever really in danger. What I’m trying to say is I know you can fend for yourself, Sora. Like I said, I’ve been watching you.”</p><p>“Oh,” Sora responded, seeming satisfied with the answer. “So how long have you been following me?”<br/>
<br/>
“Not for too long.”</p><p>“And what made you leave the Organization?”</p><p>“It’s a long story, but basically, I didn’t want to be a bad guy anymore. It gets tiring, you know? Plus, now I get to spend time with you,” he said. If Sora had known him at all, he would’ve surmised that this last statement was pure sarcastic flattery, but he didn’t. Sora blushed and looked away. His genuinely sweet response was disarming and made Axel unwittingly let down his guard a little. He ached to see the side of Sora that would remind him of Roxas.</p><p>“Do you remember when you were at Beast’s Castle a few weeks ago? I saw you defeat Xaldin. You’re one hell of a fighter. And what you did for the Beast was really… sweet.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Sora responded quietly. “You know, I really felt bad for him. The heartless turn people into monsters.”</p><p>“I’m heartless. Does that make me a monster?”</p><p>“No way. If you’re helping Leon, you’re not a monster.” <em> Always believing the best of people, just like Roxas... Let’s hope it doesn’t lead him to the same fate. </em></p><p>Sora continued, “But why did you act so weird that day in the marketplace? You weren’t friendly then.”</p><p>“Well, you <em> did </em> threaten to fight me.”</p><p>“Because you were dressed like a member of the Organization.”</p><p>“All Leon’s idea, and probably a good one. So if you see me around again, are you going to yell at me?”</p><p>“No,” he smiled, “Sorry about that. I can tell you’re different from the rest of the Organization already”</p><p>It was a dangerous line to walk, but Axel let his curiosity get the best of him. “What makes me so different?”</p><p>“Besides the fact that you’re not trying to attack me? Most of the Organization members talk down to me. They see me as a means to an end, not a person. It’s just like what Saix said earlier.”</p><p>Roxas had also been bullied, belittled, and underestimated by Organization XIII. Axel had always gotten the impression that Sora wasn’t bothered by what anyone said about him because he acted so confident, but now he could tell it was more complicated than that. Sora wasn’t all bravado and arrogance like Axel had assumed.</p><p>Sora seemed thoughtful as he stared at the fire in the hearth, and Axel’s eyes were fixed on Sora’s face, suddenly feeling smitten. Axel was so entranced by the way the firelight played on his features that he didn’t notice how long the conversation had been paused until Sora returned his gaze briefly, blushed, and let out a small cough. </p><p>“You remind me of someone I used to know,” Axel revealed, feeling the sweat arise in the palm of his hands.  He hadn’t planned to bring up Roxas tonight. Even though it was his element, the fire in the hearth felt unbearably warm.</p><p>“It’s funny,” Sora said, looking intently at the fire. “You remind me of someone I used to know too.”</p><p>“Who’s that?” Axel asked, breathless. <em> Could it be? </em></p><p>“My best friend, Riku,” Sora responded. Axel felt the disappointment calm his nerves. It was maddening how his mind had started to play tricks on him. As every second passed, it was getting harder to tell if he was talking to Sora or Roxas.  </p><p>“Don’t be disappointed,” urged Sora. “It’s not a bad thing at all. Riku’s amazing.”</p><p>“You’re right about that,” Axel agreed knowingly, before seeing the surprised look on Sora’s face and realizing he shouldn’t have outed his friend. Riku said he wanted to keep his whereabouts private. <em> Think of a lie to tell </em>…. “We met a while back. He seemed like a nice guy.”</p><p>Sora looked disappointed.  “Oh, so you haven’t seen him lately?”</p><p>“Well,” Axel struggled to evade the question, “How’s this? The next time I see him, I’ll tell him you’re looking for him.” </p><p>“Please do!” Sora responded. “I miss him so much. I can’t even remember the last time we saw each other,” he said wistfully. </p><p>“Well, old friends are never really apart. Got it memorized?” </p><p>Sora looked puzzled as he explained, “You’ll think I’m crazy, but… the reason I ran away in Agrabah was because I had a memory when you said that phrase, like deja vu. It was so vivid, and now I think I know why. Did I see you at the clock tower here before?”<br/>
<br/>
There was only one explanation.</p><p>“Roxas?” Axel asked, barely daring to believe it. </p><p>“No, my name is Sora,” he said, but he didn’t seem at all sure. “But I <em> know </em> that name. But I don’t know <em> how </em>I know it”</p><p>“Sora, Namine merged you with Roxas. Roxas was your Nobody and my - my best friend,” he stuttered, not sure how much he should reveal about their true relationship.</p><p>Sora looked skeptical. “Why hasn’t anyone explained this to me before?”</p><p>“Apparently everyone was more worried about your future than your past. They didn’t think it was important” Axel explained. He moved to sit on top of the coffee table in front of Sora so he was directly facing him. </p><p>Sora seemed a little flustered by Axel’s sudden closeness. He sat a little further back in his chair. “Hmmm...So Roxas was your best friend? And now he’s what?”</p><p>“It’s hard to explain it, but basically, he’s part of you now. The process is supposed to be seamless, but the fact that you remembered the clock tower….That’s where Roxas and I used to hang out every day.”</p><p>“It’s so strange. It’s like I almost remember it. You know what else is weird? Today I met some local kids, and I could’ve sworn I met them before. Could they be people Roxas knew?”</p><p>Axel’s heart was racing. The implications of what he was hearing were fantastic. Roxas’s memories hadn’t been completely erased. It seemed too good to be true, but Sora’s revelations should be all the proof he needed, right?</p><p>Sora continued, “When you said ‘got it memorized,’ that brought back a memory too. I really feel like I <em> know </em>you,” he marveled. He studied Axel’s face and Axel took the opportunity to do the same.</p><p>“What happened that day on the clock tower that was so important?” Sora whispered, his face moving closer to Axel’s. Axel had a feeling Sora knew about the kiss already, but he was happy to remind him. He closed the small distance between their lips. It was nice for a few short moments, but Sora didn’t let it linger.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Axel asked.</p><p>“My first kiss… was with a guy?” he whispered, looking around the room as though he was afraid someone had seen.</p><p><em>“</em>That was your first kiss?” Axel froze, ignoring the comment about his gender for the time being. “If I would have known, I…” Axel struggled with how to finish the sentence. The truth was, if he would have known, he wouldn’t have kissed him in the first place. Sora’s revelation had forced him back to reality. Roxas’s memories might be there, but at the end of the day, he wasn’t Roxas. </p><p>It was easy enough to maintain this conviction until he noticed Sora’s obvious disappointment.  The way he slumped over slightly and avoided eye contact reminded him of his old lover again. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Sora. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”</p><p>“So you regret it?” </p><p>“What - no,” Axel quickly responded.</p><p>“My first kiss was with a guy I barely know, and he didn’t even want to kiss me,” Sora lamented. </p><p>Axel took Sora’s hands in his own, but Sora suddenly looked panicked as his eyes shut again just like they had in Agrabah.. </p><p>“I’m so <em> confused </em>! Where are all these images coming from?” He removed himself from Axel’s grip and escaped down a hallway. </p>
<hr/><p>Axel returned to Hollow Bastion and went straight to Riku’s room. As someone who knew Sora intimately, he wanted his opinion on what had just happened. He’d leave out the part about the kiss, just in case his suspicions about Riku’s crush were correct. He burst through the door without bothering to knock.</p><p>“Riku! You won’t believe it! I just talked with Sora,” he exclaimed, taking a seat on Riku’s bed. “And the weirdest thing happened. We were talking - and by the way, he misses you, you <em> need </em> to go talk to him - and he started to <em> see </em> Roxas’s memories! He saw things only Roxas knew. They’re connected, Riku. Roxas is trapped in there, I just know it! His memories are part of Sora. They’re buried, but they’re there, and can’t you see, we need to separate them? It’s cruel to keep them together.” Axel noted the skeptical look on Riku’s face, which replaced the happy one he’d seen when Axel had mentioned how much Sora missed him.</p><p>“Axel, what did you say to him?”</p><p>Riku was clearly not seeing the bigger picture, and Axel’s response came out defensive. “Nothing bad! I just said a few things that triggered Roxas’s memories, not on purpose! I was just <em> curious </em> to see what he was like.”</p><p>“Do you even care about him?” Riku snapped. </p><p>“Where is this <em> coming </em> from? Riku… I need to ask you something. Do you <em> like </em> Sora?”</p><p>“Of course I do,” Riku answered, evasively. </p><p>“I mean, do you have a crush on him?”</p><p>“No, I don’t. It’s just you’re messing with my best friend, and now you’re suggesting we rip his soul apart when I’ve already told you how I feel about it. That’s all,” Riku said defiantly.  </p><p>Axel studied his face, but he couldn’t read much further. He still thought he might be right, but maybe he <em> was </em> reading too much into it. Either way, he didn’t want to upset Riku further, though he did want him to see things his way. </p><p>“All I’m saying is, what’s the harm in <em> asking </em>, just asking, Namine if there’s a way to separate them so neither of them get hurt? Once the war is over, of course.”</p><p>Riku remained totally silent, so Axel asked, “Where is Namine, anyway?” in an attempt to change the subject, realizing he hadn’t seen her in a long time. </p><p>“She’s been off with Aerith and Yuffie. I’m not sure what they’re up to exactly, but I never see any of them. They stay at Merlin’s place in town.” </p><p>“Well, it seems like I should give you some time to…” Axel wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence so he didn’t. He left the room and shut the door quietly behind him. He knew he could convince Riku to see things his way. It would just take time. </p><p>The most important thing was that Roxas’s own memories were still somewhat intact, which gave Axel hope that Roxas could be recreated just as he was. </p><p>Axel remembered Sora’s comment about kissing a guy. He was from the same island as Riku, so it wasn’t that surprising really. Disappointing, but not surprising. Axel realized suddenly how lucky he was that Roxas hadn’t retained any of Sora’s memories when he was created. He’d never thought having a crush on Axel was weird, even though Axel had warned him that other people might think so. Could Sora <em> really </em> not be interested in guys if his Nobody was? Axel found it hard to believe.</p><p>And what about everything that had happened with Riku? Well, he’d just have to make Riku see things his way. </p>
<hr/><p>Axel followed Sora around The Land of Dragons the following day, and it was obvious he hadn’t forgotten that Axel was keeping an eye on him. He was constantly watching his back and peeking around corners while trying not to raise the suspicion of his companions. </p><p>At the end of the day, he saw Sora go into his own tent, and Goofy and Donald go into another. Of course he should return to Hollow Bastion, but he felt a pull of temptation that he could hardly resist.</p><p>He snuck into the tent quietly to see a shirtless Sora bending over to get something out of his bag. He really did have a cute butt, just like Roxas. Would it hurt to lead the conversation with that? Probably. He settled for “Hi, Sora” instead. </p><p>“What? Oh hi,” he replied, looking embarrassed and rifling a shirt out of his bag, which he hastily put on inside out without noticing. “I, well, wasn’t expecting you.”</p><p>He found Sora’s lack of decorum so adorable.  He could feel Sora tugging at his heartstrings again. Would he ever know what to make of these complicated feelings about Roxas’s Somebody? </p><p><em> Why are you even here, Axel? You’re only going to get yourself into more trouble </em>. </p><p>“Since you’re here…” Sora said, “I have a question I wanted to ask. What’s Roxas like?” </p><p>“He was very innocent and sweet and really awkward in the best possible way, and he had killer blue eyes. He looked good shirtless too,” Axel added with a wink. <em> Naughty, naughty, </em>he half-heartedly scolded himself. He could tell that Sora was pleased by his compliment, even as he tried to appear unmoved. </p><p>“Can I sit?” Axel asked, taking a seat on the military style cot before Sora responded. “You could join me, you know.”</p><p>Was he enjoying this too much? He felt a little guilty. This wasn’t Roxas after all, but wasn’t Roxas somewhere in there? Maybe he was watching, amused, even flattered. Still his subconscious chided him, <em> This seems dangerous, and a little stupid. But look how cute he is! And those muscles. And the best butt. </em></p><p>Sora sat as far away from him as possible on the cot. </p><p>“I had a dream about Roxas last night.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“Nothing important,” Sora mumbled, blushing. “I just wonder why all the sudden you show up, and just like that I start to experience his memories. Has he been here the whole time?”</p><p>“Is it just his memories you’re seeing? You can’t hear him or anything?” </p><p>“I don’t know how to explain it, but yesterday and today when you walked in, I felt...overwhelmed and lightheaded and <em> nervous </em> . I feel shy around you. I’m <em> never </em> shy! And it’s like I feel <em> drawn </em> to you, and I can’t help it. I’m not myself. I can feel it, even right now. I barely know you, but I feel like I do. I don’t think it’s me. I think it must be Roxas.”</p><p>Axel could feel exactly what Sora was expressing, the familiar electricity that seemed to connect him and Roxas. He noticed Sora’s eyes glance at his lips. <em> He wants me to kiss him again </em> . <em> Roxas, are you in there?  </em></p><p>“What do you mean when you say you’re ‘drawn to me?’” he whispered, leaning closer.</p><p>Sora broke the spell by turning his face away. “You should probably go.”</p><p>“Why?” Axel asked, not hiding his disappointment well.</p><p>“It’s… hard to explain,” he said standing up, clearly flustered but adamant. </p><p>“Fine, have it your way, Sora,” he said as he escaped through a dark portal, not bothering to hide his frustration. </p><p>Later, as he pondered everything that had happened, he simply didn’t know what to make of it. He’d been intrigued by what Sora said about feeling Roxas’s feelings, but how did he know it wasn’t just <em> Sora </em> being attracted to him and trying to pawn it off on Roxas? After all, kissing another dude was not common where Sora was from. Maybe he was ashamed of his own feelings. <em> But remember what he said yesterday. He knew about the clock tower. </em></p><p>Much like Sora, Axel wanted to believe that his attraction to Roxas’s Somebody was simply a result of his similarity to Roxas, but he didn’t know for sure. Whatever it was, he’d <em> really </em> wanted Sora to kiss him in there, and he hadn’t even thought about the mental gymnastics it would cost him later as he tried to justify his attraction and convince himself it wouldn’t hurt Roxas. <em><br/>
</em></p><p><em> Of course </em> , he told himself, <em> if the two of them were standing in front of me, I would choose Roxas every time, but Roxas isn’t here, and Sora is the closest thing I’ve got. Roxas will understand, right?  </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In our next chapter, everyone gets squashed in a room together, and we just... see what happens. Yes, this means Riku, Sora, Demyx, and Leon - even THE Mickey Mouse makes a cameo in this one! </p><p>Hope you’re staying safe out there, and mwah - that’s me blowing you a kiss from 6+ feet away (totally allowed by the CDC).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Preparation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d have to see Sora again today. There was no way around it. He’d been good since their last conversation. He’d forced himself to let it rest, but now the final battle against Organization XIII was upon them, and Leon had called all their forces together to plan their final offense. </p><p>He was in the shower thinking about how to handle the day’s events when he heard the door burst open.</p><p>“Demyx is coming today!”</p><p>He peeked out of the curtain. “Leon, welcome to my shower. I’m so glad you could make it… I thought Demyx specifically said he <em> wasn’t </em> coming?”</p><p>“He is now, and I realized you’re right, Axel. I’ve got to make my move. It’s now or never, right? Tell me what to do.”</p><p>Axel washed the shampoo from his hair and opened the curtain to reach for a towel which he wrapped around his waist before exiting. He and Leon hadn’t been hooking up lately, and even though Leon had definitely seen him naked more than once, he thought it might be best to maintain some small boundaries (even though Leon was clearly not respecting his at the moment).</p><p>“Do exactly what I told you before. Be direct and tell him how you feel, but be <em> cool </em> about it, you know what I mean?  Corner him after the meeting and get him to go to your room. Find any reason. Demyx will be lonely, and I’m sure he won’t have a reason <em> not </em> to sleep with you. I bet he’s really horny without me around,” Axel added with a grin.</p><p>“I just love it when you talk about how many times you’ve slept with him. It really makes me feel great,” Leon remarked with an eye roll.</p><p>Axel kneeled down in front of Leon who was sitting on the toilet lid. “It doesn’t matter, Leon. He has no stronger feelings about me than you do. My arrangement with Demyx was the same as my arrangement with you. We got together out of convenience because we had nobody else. What I’m saying is, if Demyx doesn’t go for it, he’s stupid, and it’s his stubbornness that lost him one of the best guys in the world. You, Leon, are a gorgeous man, and you’ve got a half-decent personality to match.”</p><p>“You know I don’t just want to sleep with him though,” Leon said, looking worried. “I want him to <em> like </em>me.”</p><p>“Baby steps,” responded Axel. </p><p>“Sex is the baby step?” Leon said, eyebrow raised.</p><p>“With Demyx, yes. Trust me, I was living that Nobody life just a few short weeks ago. Months ago? Can’t remember. Anyway, how do I put this? When you’re a Nobody, you don’t feel anything at all in daily life, but sex is a <em> little </em> different. It gives you a thrill that reminds you you’re alive. Trust me. Roxas kissed me once, and it changed my life. You can be that for Demyx.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll go for it. After the meeting,” he said as both of them stood up. Axel pulled him into a hug and felt Leon squeeze his ass. </p><p>“What’s that for?”</p><p>“If I get with Demyx, this will be my last time touching it. It’s a nice butt, that’s all.”</p><p>Axel kissed him. “And that will be our last kiss, and I’ll be happier for it. You’ve got this.”</p><hr/><p>After Leon left, Axel took a few moments to think about everyone that was about to be squished in a room together. Riku was going to have a lot to explain to Sora, and things between Sora and Axel would undoubtedly be tense due to their recent interactions. Leon would be leading the meeting and trying to impress Demyx, and Demyx was the wild card. Did he care for Leon at all? Axel was determined to get them together. Not only for Leon’s sake, but for Demyx too. Of course, Namine would be back also, and Axel was looking forward to seeing her. Besides enjoying her calming presence, he had a lot of questions about Roxas. </p><p>He made his way towards the circular room containing the portrait of a grim-looking Xehanort that Axel abhorred. He didn’t enjoy seeing his old boss glaring down at him, but that was the least of his worries once he noticed Riku frantically pacing back and forth.</p><p>“Everything ok?”</p><p>Riku barely looked up. “Axel, should I even stay for this? I’m so afraid to see him. I don’t want to hear the questions he’ll ask me. <em> What if he hates me now</em>?”</p><p>“He won’t hate you. Riku, I’ve been following him and his dopey friends around for weeks. All he ever talks about is how much he misses you.”</p><p>Riku paused his steps. “Really?”</p><p>“Yes! I wouldn’t lie to you, not when you look like that.”</p><p>“I’m just so scared things won’t be like they used to be.” Axel was relieved to have a normal conversation with Riku. They hadn’t spoken much since their last argument, and Axel had been worried about where they stood.</p><p>Axel saw Sora walk through the door followed by Goofy and Donald.</p><p>Sora made eye contact with Axel briefly, then stared at the back of Riku’s head, wide-eyed. “Riku?” he asked.</p><p>As Riku turned around, Axel had the pleasure of seeing Sora almost knock him over with a hug. </p><p>“I didn’t expect to see you here!” Sora exclaimed, beaming at him. </p><p>Riku was quite literally speechless, and a few awkward seconds passed before Axel decided to step in and help the poor boy out. </p><p>“He’s happy to see you too. In fact, he’s been telling me how much he couldn’t wait to see you!”</p><p>Sora was still all smiles as he asked Riku, “How did you end up here?”</p><p>Axel was tempted to break the long silence that followed once again, but he wasn’t sure how Riku planned to excuse his absence from Sora’s life so he said nothing.</p><p>“Let’s sit down,” Axel suggested, guiding Riku to a chair at the large circular table. Riku looked back at him helplessly and Axel mouthed “You’ve got this!” He took a glance at Sora who was looking more than a little perplexed. </p><p>“Is he okay?” Sora mouthed at Axel over the distracted Riku who was sitting between them. Axel offered a slight shrug and apologetic smile in return. </p><p>“Hi Sora,” Riku finally offered. “So much has happened, I don’t even really know where to begin.”</p><p>“We can talk about it later, after the meeting. I’m staying here tonight anyway,” Sora offered with a kind smile. </p><p>Axel definitely had his suspicions about these two, but he reminded himself that, according to Sora, he’d never been kissed, so if there was more than friendship between them, it hadn’t gotten far. Riku’s behavior was too odd to classify, but it seemed obvious his feelings for Sora were more intense than he’d been letting on. Axel was going to keep an eye on them today and try to figure out the nature of their relationship. The slight pull of jealousy he felt was outweighed by his curiosity. Of course, he also had to figure out the status of Leon and Demyx. He hoped this meeting didn’t involve him too much. He had work to do.</p><p>Leon arrived soon, followed by Yuffie, Aerith, and Namine who walked in talking and giggling. He gave up his seat for the latter, figuring Namine might be able to smooth out whatever was going on between Sora and Riku with her calm energy. This left him sitting opposite from them at the table, but right next to Leon, who seemed very relieved by his presence. </p><p>“You haven’t seen Demyx yet, have you?” he whispered. </p><p>“Not yet. Are you going to stick to the plan?”</p><p>Leon looked at him nervously, then Axel saw the color drain from his face as Demyx walked through the door. His sitar was with him for some inexplicable reason, slung over his back, and he looked like a casual rock star showing up for band practice. <em> Who are you trying to impress, Demyx? It better be Leon. </em> But Axel was horrified when Demyx plopped down his instrument, sat next to Axel and asked him directly, “You haven’t seen Tifa yet, have you?”</p><p>“No, why?” He didn’t like where this was going.</p><p>“I was just hoping to speak with her, if you must know.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“None of your business,” he insisted, glancing around the room. </p><p>So Demyx had a crush on Tifa now? Fuck, could Leon ever catch a break? He looked around hoping Leon hadn’t heard and was relieved to find he was conversing with King Mickey. Axel hadn’t talked much with the mouse, but he figured they wouldn’t have much in common, so he’d be happy to keep his distance. In truth, he also felt a<em> little </em> uncomfortable around the leader of the good guys, even though he supposedly was one now.</p><p>He looked over at Demyx. He’d like to tell Demyx that Tifa was a horrible choice and he should consider Leon instead, but Demyx, much like Axel himself, did the exact opposite of what he was told. It must be a Nobody thing. He was a horrible judge of what he really needed.</p><p>Axel would have to play this carefully. As he pondered his options, he looked up briefly to find Sora was staring right at him. Sora blushed and looked away, and Axel couldn’t help but smile at the sweetness of it, until he realized that Riku had noticed the exchange. It was apparent Riku was still struggling over this long-anticipated reunion with his best friend.  Should he go to Riku’s rescue or stay put and help Demyx help himself? He didn’t have time to think about it as Leon called the meeting to order. </p><p>“As most of you know, we are here to discuss Sora’s journey into The World That Never Was. He has already closed the keyholes to the other worlds, and this will be his final stop. Before I continue, I must add that we owe a great debt to you, Sora, Donald, and Goofy for everything you’ve done.” There were nods and murmurs of acknowledgement directed at the three from around the room.  While most were seated around the table, there were more, including Tifa, who were leaning against the walls, and the wizard Merlin had fashioned himself a kind of throne made out of books. Axel wondered when he’d had time to do that. He hadn’t even noticed him enter the room.</p><p>He also hadn’t observed Sora’s lackeys until now, but there they were sitting right next to Sora, silent for once.<em> Thank goodness, </em>Axel smiled to himself. Sora looked grave, and Axel started to realize how much there was at stake. Sora was about to walk into one of the most dangerous places in existence, home to some of the most ruthless and brutal Nobodies, including Xemnas, and he was supposed to defeat them all with only Donald and Goofy’s help. </p><p>“Axel and Demyx will, of course, be indispensable in this effort,” Leon announced. “Knowing the ins and outs of The World That Never Was, especially the castle, will be of great help to us. Not to mention their intimate knowledge of the powers and weaknesses of every Organization member who has yet to be defeated. The group of us will discuss more specific strategies together later. For now, I will lay out how the rest of you can help with this effort.”</p><p>Axel vaguely attempted to pay attention during this part, but since it mostly didn’t concern him, he found his eyes drifting around everyone at the table. Sora was a good pupil, which was very reassuring for his own survival. He listened intently to Leon and asked good questions. The only things that occasionally seemed to distract him were Donald, who was kicking his legs back and forth (and every now and then let out an obnoxiously loud sigh), and Riku and Axel, whom he took turns glancing at furtively every so often. </p><p>Riku had his eyes steadfastly fixed on Leon, but didn’t seem to react to any piece of information, no matter how shocking.  There was no way he was absorbing even a fraction of the presentation. As Axel was studying Riku, who paid no attention to him either, he noticed Sora was staring at him again. And again, as soon as Axel looked, he blushed and his eyes stared down at the table. Just after it happened, he noticed Namine’s eyes were fixed on him as well. Prior to this moment, she had been wearing an inappropriately happy half smile, seemingly unperturbed by the grave proceedings. <em> Maybe she’s happy because she knows it’s all going to end alright</em>, Axel thought, knowing she had a penchant for pre-cognition. He found the idea very encouraging. She maintained eye contact for an awkwardly long time before returning her attention to Leon. </p><p>If Leon were class president, and Sora valedictorian, Demyx was the stoner kid in the back of the class fixated on what he was going to eat for lunch. He was extremely fidgety, which wasn’t at all abnormal for Demyx when he was forced to sit still. He had been a terror during Organization meetings, and Axel had always had the displeasure of sitting directly next to him, just like he did today. </p><p>Of everyone in the room, Axel was most impressed by Leon.  He was a natural leader, and he had the full attention of everyone except Demyx and poor, poor Riku, who looked like his depression was sinking him farther and farther into his chair by the second. Axel was surprised to find that Leon held his composure despite Demyx’s disinterest, though Axel was sure he’d hear his <em> true </em> feelings later.</p><p>Axel’s attention returned to the present when he heard his own name and found it was time for him to break off into a separate meeting with Leon, Sora, Donald, Goofy, Mickey, and Demyx, to discuss their strategy for The World That Never Was. </p><p>It was determined during this meeting that Axel should follow the trio and Mickey as they made their way to the Castle That Never Was. Much to his frustration, he was told that he and Demyx should not focus on battling Organization members, but instead keeping the dusks at bay. Apparently they were multiplying by the second as the final battle loomed closer. The more he learned about what they were going to undertake, the more he feared for Roxas and Sora.</p><p>He could tell Sora was attempting to appear confident for everyone’s sake, but there was an underlying tension as they discussed the skills of every surviving Organization member. There were so many. It would be exhausting, and they would have to fight Xemnas last after so many battles had already taken place. To expect this much of one person seemed insane. He had to remind himself that Sora and his crew had defeated Ansem before. <em> But last time they didn’t have the entire Organization to fight off either,</em> he reminded himself. Axel was worried. He could see the same anxiety on Demyx’s face whenever they locked eyes. He was definitely paying attention now. </p><p>After it was all done, they somberly discussed their next steps. Sora would leave the following morning, heading straight for The World That Never Was. Axel and Roxas had shared a lot of memories there, and Axel wondered if being back in their old stomping grounds would trigger any of them for Sora.  It was the place Axel had seen Roxas for the last time before he left the Organization and heard his parting words - <em> no one would miss me </em>. Roxas had left too soon to hear Axel insist it wasn’t true. Now all of Axel’s hopes hinged on Sora surviving long enough to consider re-creating his Nobody. </p><p>Axel also begrudgingly considered the cost of that action for Sora. If he had been as unwell without Roxas as Namine said, could Axel really do that to him? Now that he’d gotten to know Sora and seen where Roxas came from, could he really ask him to give up half of his soul?</p><p>Even more concerning, what would Roxas want? What if Roxas <em> liked </em> being connected to Sora and didn’t want to separate himself again? He imagined living out the future he had imagined with Sora instead of Roxas. It didn’t seem so bad a compromise until he thought of Riku.</p><p>For now, he had to focus on keeping Sora alive.  To that end, he decided to table all his thoughts and fears about after the war. He wanted to talk to Sora and encourage him. He wanted to apologize for whatever discomfort he had caused and assure him he would be there for him tomorrow.</p><p>As everyone dispersed, Axel approached him. “Can I speak with you alone? Just for a few minutes?”</p><p>Sora didn’t have time to answer as Riku intervened. “Sora, can you come with me?”</p><p>Axel didn’t resist. He knew a moment with Sora was possibly even more important to Riku than it was to him. He had a lot to get off his chest before the final battle. Maybe it was best if he didn’t speak to Sora after all. He always ended up saying the wrong thing anyway, and Sora needed a clear head for tomorrow. As much as he was tempted, perhaps he should let it be.</p><p>He decided to turn his attention to Demyx instead, simply with the hope of debriefing after such a distressing meeting, but Demyx had already disappeared from the room. He was disappointed until he remembered he might be with Leon. </p><p>Axel noticed King Mickey was the only one left in the room, and he was looking at Axel rather intensely. Axel didn’t like it. </p><p>“You know you don’t have to worry? Everything will be alright. I’ll make sure of it,” Mickey affirmed.</p><p>“Er - ok - that’s great,” Axel responded. It was awkward talking to someone only a little over a foot tall, but his words also made Axel feel slightly reassured. He’d heard that Mickey had some mad powers hidden in his tiny rodent body. He hoped it was true for Sora’s sake.</p><p>“See ya real soon!” Mickey said with a wink, exiting the room and leaving Axel alone.  </p><p>Anyone he might have wanted to talk to was apparently gone already, including Namine. He figured most of them probably wanted to rest before tomorrow. He made his way back to his own room to find Leon sitting on his bed, looking defeated. </p><p>“It didn’t go well with Demyx,” Leon said with a sigh. </p><p>“Oh,” was all Axel could get out. It hadn’t been long since the meeting had ended. Maybe ten minutes at most. How had Leon had time to not only hit on Demyx, but also get rejected? Of course, he didn’t want to say that to Leon. </p><p>“Demyx doesn’t know what he wants. He’s just a stupid Nobody like me. He’ll come around to it. I know he’ll be interested once he gets to know you. He just hasn’t truly seen what a great guy you are yet.”</p><p>Leon was unmoved by this insight. “<em>You </em> fucked me after five minutes!” he insisted hysterically, raising his voice for emphasis as he popped off the bed and started pacing. </p><p>“Can you say that a little quieter?” Axel pleaded. He knew the rooms next to him, previously empty, were now filled with people who’d just been at the meeting, and he wasn’t keen to broadcast this fact.</p><p>“So what should I do now?” Leon asked, falling back into Axel’s chair so forcefully it made a loud thump as it hit against the wall.</p><p>“How many drinks have you had, Leon?”</p><p>“Just a few,” he replied, laying his head on the back of the armchair. He continued staring at the ceiling without saying a word.</p><p>“Well, what did he say to you when you asked him?” Axel asked</p><p>“He said he had to get back to the Organization.”</p><p>“Well, that’s got nothing to do with you, Leon! He’d be in loads of trouble if he didn’t get back in time.”</p><p>”You could’ve gotten in loads of trouble and you just saw me and five minutes later we were fucking!” Leon said, raising his voice again.</p><p>“Geez, Leon. Could you calm it down with that?”</p><p>“What? It’s true. I walked in and then you came up to me and basically said, ‘Let’s fuck, Leon,’ and we just <em> did </em> it. <em> Five minutes.” </em></p><p>Axel couldn’t help but smile at seeing Leon’s transformation from self-assured tactical strategist to angsty dejected lover boy. “Okay well, Demyx didn’t have a death wish like I did. Let’s leave it at that. Can we?”</p><p>“Axel, come here.”</p><p>Axel walked towards him, and Leon took both his hands and pulled Axel into his lap. </p><p>“Oh hi,” Axel said, still bemused by the entire situation, but when Leon went in for a kiss, he backed away. </p><p>“Leon, you know this is a bad idea.”</p><p>“But what do we have to lose? We could all be dead tomorrow if Organization XIII prevails. I know the risks,” he emphasized. “You can’t be with Roxas, and I can’t be with Demyx, and the last times we’ve fucked haven’t been so bad, have they?”</p><p>“To be clear, you mean the times we fucked after five minutes?” </p><p>Leon finally cracked a smile. “See, this is why I knew I should come here. You make me happy, Axel,” and, seeing the look on Axel’s face no doubt, he rolled his eyes and added,” I’m not trying to marry you. I just know that Demyx doesn’t want to be with me, and you can’t be with Roxas, and we might all die, so who would even care?”</p><p>Axel was so stressed and wired and everything in him was urging him to find a way to forget. Leon’s kisses were deep and addicting as he pulled him closer. “Fuck it,” Axel smiled.</p><p>“See, it’s like I said. Five minutes. I wish every man were as easy as you.”</p><p>“Oh shut <em> up,</em>” Axel growled as he pulled Leon up from the chair and led him towards the bed.</p><hr/><p>They lay next to each other, Leon curled up at Axel’s side with his head on the red head’s chest. The sex had calmed Axel down considerably, and he was grateful to have Leon with him.  He definitely didn’t want to be alone tonight. At some point he drifted off to sleep and awoke to Leon’s voice.</p><p>“Sora’s at the door.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Sora’s outside. What should we say to him? I can’t think of any reason why I’d be here at this hour,” he whispered.</p><p>“Fuck,” Axel groaned leaning over and putting his face in his hands. As he did, he heard a knock on the door and Sora’s voice: “Axel, <em> please, </em>I need to talk to you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Probably goes without saying that the next chapter will be an important one. It’s time to find out what Sora really thinks of Axel and what Axel’s going to do about it.</p><p>Hope everyone is staying safe out there! Thanks for sticking with me this far!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Disappointment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome and thank you to my new subscribers! It means so much that you care about this story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel could sense Sora’s nervous energy the second he opened the door. He was fidgety and awkward. He had never looked more like his Nobody than in that moment, and Axel felt his stomach drop. He didn’t want to mess with Sora’s head tonight, not when tomorrow was so important. </p><p>“Who’s in your room?” Sora asked, trying to peer inside. He must’ve heard Axel and Leon talking. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Sora. I really am,” he pleaded. “What do you need?”</p><p>“I had to talk to you. I couldn’t sleep.”</p><p>Leon appeared at Axel’s side. “Sorry,” he whispered, glancing at them both as he departed. </p><p>Axel stepped inside his room and Sora followed. They stood silently just inside the doorway, occasionally glancing at one another.</p><p>Sora finally spoke. “Are you and Leon dating?”</p><p>“No, Sora. We’re just friends.”</p><p>Sora looked skeptical but continued. “I came here because I want to know how you feel about me.”</p><p>Even if he’d wanted to share his feelings about Sora, he didn’t know what they were, and he feared Sora’s motivation for asking.</p><p>“Fine,” Sora said, “Tell me how you feel about Roxas.”</p><p>“He was my best friend,” Axel deflected, hoping Sora wouldn’t push him further.</p><p>“That’s all?”</p><p>“Why are you asking?”</p><p>“Roxas wants to know.” </p><p>This gave him pause. Axel looked into Sora’s eyes, willing Roxas to show him some kind of sign that didn’t come. </p><p>“Please,” Sora insisted. The tears forming in the corners of his eyes weakened Axel’s resolve. </p><p>“Well… for starters, I would still be slaving away for the Organization, probably dead, if I’d never met him, so I owe him everything, including my life.”  </p><p>Sora stared at him intently. He realized he’d never really told Roxas how he felt about him, and Roxas could be dead tomorrow. There was no way of knowing if his lover could hear him, but perhaps it was worth it to try. He wondered vaguely where to begin, but it turned out that he didn’t need to think. The words poured out of him.</p><p>“I cared about him so much, more than anyone, and I regret every day that I let him down because he was only ever perfectly kind to me. I miss his smile and the way he’d laugh at all my jokes even when they weren’t that funny. I can’t say what I did to deserve it, but he believed in me, and it made me a better person to the point that I stopped hating myself and felt like I could be something more than what the Organization wanted me to be. He is the most purely perfect human to ever exist, and I don’t know what I’d do without him, which is why it’s so important that you both survive tomorrow. All my dreams live and die with you. You are more important to me than anything or anyone. It’s-“</p><p>Axel didn’t get to finish his sentence as Sora’s lips crashed into his. The surprise quickly wore off, and Axel pulled him closer. Sora’s arms wrapped around his waist, and he gripped the back of Axel’s shirt in his fists just like Roxas used to. <em> That’s Roxas. That’s Roxas trying to tell me it’s him,</em> he thought.</p><p>Sora gently pulled his face away but couldn’t escape the grip of Axel’s arm which was holding him tightly. </p><p>“I feel dizzy.”</p><p>“Me too,” Axel replied, kissing him softly once more.</p><p>“That was better than the first one.”</p><p>Axel’s grip loosened. He and Roxas had kissed dozens of times. It was Sora who he’d only kissed twice. <em> But the way he held you...  </em></p><p>“Can I stay with you tonight?” Sora asked.</p><p>Axel hesitated as he looked into Sora’s eyes. He could see everything he adored about Roxas inside of them. If he said yes, he would be plunging himself further into the complicated line that blurred between Sora and Roxas, and he couldn’t even fathom the consequences of that. And the fact that Sora had asked how Axel felt about <em> him </em> before he asked about Roxas… Sora had feelings for him, and that was Axel’s fault. He thought of Riku and felt sick. The life or death consequences of tomorrow had sobered all his thinking, and he realized how reckless he’d been to talk to Sora, let alone kiss him.</p><p>But if he said no and Sora died tomorrow, he would be denying himself his last chance to be close to Roxas, and he was sure he would regret that forever too.</p><p>Sora looked more and more dejected the longer Axel took to answer. What should he do for this poor, helpless boy standing in front of him? He wanted to protect him from pain, but what did that mean?</p><p>Axel was counting on him to survive tomorrow. That took precedence over everything else. </p><p>He nodded. He would do it, but he would play it safe. He needed Roxas to know that this was all for him. <em> By taking care of Sora, you are taking care of Roxas. Roxas knows how you feel now. He’ll understand. </em></p><p>“You can take the bed, and I’ll sleep here,” he said gesturing to his armchair.  </p><p>“Okay,” Sora said tentatively, getting into the twin bed and pulling the covers over himself, sitting with his knees up. It was clear he didn’t plan to sleep anytime soon.</p><p>“I feel bad taking the bed when you’re sleeping there,” Sora apologized. </p><p>“Don’t. You need sleep way more than I do. You’ve got an important day tomorrow.”</p><p>“So do you.”</p><p>“Not as important as yours, Sora. Everyone is counting on you. Besides, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.”</p><p>“You could join me. It wouldn’t make me uncomfortable,” Sora suggested. </p><p>“I’m fine here, Sora.”</p><p>“You were my first kiss, and now you don’t want to be near me. You’re acting like it meant nothing.”</p><p>“Sora… I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But let’s talk about it another time. You need to rest,” he implored. </p><p>“Is it all for Roxas? Don’t you care about me at all?”</p><p>He had no idea how to answer that.  He imagined what Roxas would think listening to this conversation, but Roxas was Sora and Sora was Roxas, so he tried to provide an answer that would satisfy both of them. </p><p>“I do care about you, Sora. Watching over you all this time, I’ve seen how brave you are and how kind. You’re loyal to your friends, but you care about everyone, no matter how small or unimportant. I admire how you’ve been able to stick to your goal all this time. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, and I admire you even more because of what you’ve sacrificed.”</p><p>“Axel, I really came here to tell you I’m in love with you.”</p><p>The confession sucked the air out of him. <em> Love</em>? Axel never used that word, so he knew Roxas didn’t know it either. This was all Sora. <em> Let him down gently. </em></p><p>“Sora, I know you think you’re in love with me, but think about it. You barely know me.”</p><p>“But I <em> do </em> know you. I’ve seen all Roxas’s memories. How can you love him and not love me? Roxas came from me. We’re the same person.”</p><p>When he saw the devastated look on Sora’s face, he was transported back to another moment he had lived over and over. Roxas in his room, standing in front of him, waiting for Axel to kiss him. And Axel hadn’t done it. He’d denied the only person he’d ever truly cared about his last attempt at connection. Roxas had left the next day. </p><p>Sora could be gone tomorrow too, and that would mean no more Sora and no more Roxas.  He had one chance right now. He could tell Sora to leave or he could soothe his pain, make him happy, and give him one last good memory to remember tomorrow when things got tough. </p><p>“I love you too.” It felt so good to say it, it might even be true.</p><p>He stood up and sat next to Sora. Axel kissed him, sweetly at first, but soon the mania and desperation he’d felt for Roxas all this time started to boil over into a passion he could hardly understand. He kissed Sora recklessly, forgetting the guilt that had plagued him.</p><p>This could be his only chance, their only chance. He slid off Sora’s shirt, trailing kisses from his neck down his chest. He was pleased to hear the little moans that escaped his lover as he submitted to Axel’s touch.</p><p>When Axel took off his own shirt, Sora pulled Axel on top of him, and the sensation of their bare chests touching as Sora kissed him made Axel feel lightheaded and euphoric beyond belief. It turned out all this time he’d been waiting for this had been worth it. All the long nights he had spent alone, dreaming of this moment. Now it was here, and it was even better than he’d imagined. He buried his face in his lover’s neck, nipping his neck and ears in the way that used to drive Roxas crazy. Sora’s hips involuntarily thrust, pressing his erection into Axel’s.</p><p>“Roxas,” he moaned, and he looked up expecting to see his lover's face, but saw Sora’s instead.  It was a face that looked hurt and angry.</p><p>“Of course,” Sora sighed. “Of course this is all about Roxas.”</p><p>Axel was speechless as he stared at the man pinned under his arms, squirming to escape. “Oh sorry,” he murmured as he moved so Sora could get up. He had really fucked up now. What could he do or say to make this better? There was nothing. He stared at Sora helplessly as he put on his shirt and turned to leave. </p><p>
  <em> No, Axel, no. It’s happening again. Just get up and go after him. Say you’re sorry and stupid. Get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness. Don’t let it be like last time. Don’t just let him go.  </em>
</p><p>“Sora!” was all he managed to say.</p><p>“Nice of you to remember my name,” Sora scoffed, slamming the door behind him.</p><p>Axel’s body remained paralyzed in place, barely believing the moment was real. It all felt too familiar, like reliving a nightmare. <em> Of course, </em>he scolded himself, <em> of course it would end like this. You should have known from the beginning. You thought Roxas had changed you. You thought you would do all this to prove something, and all you’ve proven is that you’re the same fucking Nobody who broke Roxas’s heart. </em> </p><p>Perhaps it was time to be reunited with Lea again. Since he couldn’t live for Roxas’s happiness, or Sora’s, maybe he could live for Lea and all the promises of his future. <em> You couldn’t fuck up anything this badly with Lea in control, could you? You won’t even know you exist. </em>The thought was calming.  The only thing that made him hesitate was his friends. Demyx, Leon and Riku... but once they knew who he really was, they would hate him anyway.</p><p>As the night wore on, his tortured conscience dissipated into total numbness. In this neutral state he could think more clearly, and he knew he would have to stay until the end of the battle tomorrow. He would protect Sora at all costs, then he would tell Namine his intentions, and that would be it. He would do his best to stay out of Sora’s sight tomorrow. </p><p>Axel didn’t know what time it was when he heard a knock and saw Riku’s frame in his doorway. Riku was silent as he walked through the dark room to sit in the chair by Axel’s bed. </p><p>“Riku, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know where to begin.”</p><p>“You could begin with the part where you kissed Sora,” accused Riku. He sounded as exhausted as Axel felt. “I always thought <em> I </em>would be his first kiss. I even told him that once, when we were kids. I remember he laughed at me. He told me I was being weird and that boys don’t kiss each other. And ever since that day, I’ve fought my feelings for him. I wonder if he even remembers. We never spoke of it again. </p><p>“I grew up worshipping someone who would never love me back, and I had to pretend like I didn’t think of him that way, but over time it made our relationship suffer. I was cruel to him on purpose. I even pretended to like Kairi because I thought he liked her. I did everything I could to hide the truth. So imagine my surprise when Sora comes to me crying and tells me he was just with Axel and not only did they kiss, but they also confessed their love for each other, and then Axel broke his heart. Why’d you do it, Axel? On this night of all nights and with my best friend when you don’t even give a shit about him?”</p><p>Axel’s resolve about his own fate solidified further. He would cease to exist in a few days, and it would be a relief to everyone.</p><p>”Riku, I can’t say in words how <em> sorry </em> I am. I see it so clearly now. I’m living proof that Nobodies can’t change. Nobodies hurt people, and it’s all they’re capable of doing. I promise you that after tomorrow, you and Sora will never see me again.”</p><p>“Good,” Riku said, and he stood up and walked out the door without a second glance.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As you can probably guess, in the next chapter, Axel fights alongside Sora in the final battle against Organization XIII.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Sacrifices</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! This chapter is a re-upload, so it's possible you've already read it if you started reading this before April. While the events of the chapter haven't changed, I got some suggestions from readers that they felt this chapter could've had some higher emotional stakes, so I decided to do a re-write. I will be uploading the next chapter immediately after this one so as not to disappoint loyal readers with just a re-write! Thanks for your patience.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel awoke to find Leon leaning over him, looking concerned. The memories of the previous evening came crashing back.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Leon asked.</p><p>He had no idea how to answer. He sat up and looked at his friend, wondering if he knew about last night’s mistakes. Leon didn’t know about the kiss in Twilight Town either, and he wanted to keep it that way. He wanted someone to believe the best of him today. </p><p>“Did something happen with Sora?” Leon asked. </p><p>Axel felt relieved, then nervous, fearing Leon would press him for details. “I really, <em> really </em> don’t want to talk about it.”</p><p>He nodded. “Understood. How can I help?”</p><p>“I’d honestly rather be left alone,” Axel replied at first, but as Leon turned to go, he called him back. “No, nevermind. I wouldn’t.” He got out of bed and dissolved into Leon’s arms. Leon held him tightly before putting both hands on his face.</p><p>“No matter what happens today, we’ve got to be strong. I need you out there as much as Sora does. You have to stay safe. I’m counting on it, okay?”</p><p>“Okay,” Axel agreed, attempting a smile as Leon pulled him into another hug. </p><p>“I wish we had more time Axel, but I’m sorry. I should go. You can have a few minutes, but don’t wait too long. Sora’s already on his way. Everyone’s gathered in the lab.”</p><p>“Thanks Leon, for being such an amazing friend. I’m lucky I met you.”</p><p>“Same, Axel. When this is all over, I’m taking you out. Anywhere you want to go. Drinks on me. We can reminisce on what a crazy adventure it’s been.”</p><p>Undoubtedly noticing that Axel still looked miserable, he started picking out clothes for him to wear under his robe and stayed as he got dressed, even attempting to tame his hair into something less disastrous.</p><p>“You look great,” he lied. “You’ll do well today. I know you will. You remember everything we talked about yesterday?”</p><p>Axel nodded. All of this care and effort on his behalf was both heartwarming and upsetting because he didn’t deserve it. <em> Just be nice for Leon. He deserves it </em>, Axel told himself before saying with a forced smile, “Yes, I remember. I won’t let you down.”</p><p>“Let’s give the Organization what’s been coming to them.”</p><p>The confident tone of Leon’s voice and the thought of taking down Xemnas and Saix buoyed his spirits. He’d been so focused on Sora’s well-being that he’d forgotten how satisfying it would be to see the empire of his enemies fall. A few less Nobodies in the world would make it a better place, and that was a cause he definitely believed in. </p><p>Leon made his exit, and Axel sat on his bed, trying to rid his mind of all his regrets, forcing himself to focus on the task at hand. It should be simple. Stay out of Sora’s way and make sure he survives, no matter what the cost.  </p><p>Yet even the thought of Sora made him feel sick. He could never get it right when it came to Roxas, but he would use the last of his time to prove to Roxas and Sora how much he cared. At the very least, maybe he could return to Lea with a reason to feel proud instead of ashamed.</p><p>Even so, Axel dreaded every step he took out of the comfort of his room, especially when he remembered Riku.</p><p>When he arrived in the lab, everyone was huddled in a semi-circle, completely silent. Axel was relieved that Riku didn’t notice him as he joined the group. He overheard something about Twilight Town on the radio. </p><p>“Sounds like we have a new plan,” Leon said.</p><p>“But Sora’s not prepared for this,” Riku worried.</p><p>“You’re right,” Leon agreed, “Someone should go to him, and I think it should be you, Axel. This sounds like the work of the Organization.”</p><p>Axel nodded, his eyes flitting to Riku who avoided his gaze.  </p><p>The room was silent and solemn. It felt like a funeral. <em> It might be, </em> thought Axel. <em> Everyone in this room could be dead by tomorrow. </em>He thought of Sora and realized there wasn’t much time.</p><p>Even though he had no idea what danger lay ahead, it wasn’t the thought of facing the Organization that made him hesitate - it was picturing how Sora would react to seeing him again. Would he be uncomfortable? Sad? Angry? Perhaps Axel should have stolen away last night and avoided him altogether, but it was too late now. He summoned a portal and took one last look at Leon before walking through. </p><p>He was not in Twilight Town. In fact, he didn’t know where he was. It looked as though he was in a vast tunnel surrounded by gray clouds that were shaded with ominous hints of red. He heard Sora’s voice and turned to find him standing beside Donald and Goofy. They hadn’t noticed him yet, and he struggled with how to explain why he was there, why he just kept appearing in Sora’s life when he wasn’t wanted and always made things worse.</p><p>Then Sora looked into his eyes, and he remembered why. For him, he would do anything. </p><p>To his surprise, Sora didn’t yell at him or tell him to go away. He rushed to his side. </p><p>“Do you know where we are?”</p><p>Axel shook his head. </p><p>“It must be the Organization, right?” </p><p>Axel shook his head again. “I really don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like it. How did you end up here?”</p><p>“It’s a long story, but -” </p><p>Sora was distracted by something behind him. Axel turned to find an army of dusks, more than he could possibly count, coming at them through the cloud of endless nothing. </p><p>It would be impossible for the four of them to fight off this many of them alone. He attempted to summon a portal, but nothing appeared in his hand. He tried again, shuffling through every location he could think of, but all he got were little flickers of black that dissipated as soon as they appeared.</p><p>“Can you communicate with Leon and the others?” Axel asked.</p><p>“No,” Sora replied. </p><p>“What should we do then?  Do you have any ideas?”</p><p>“I guess we fight,” Sora shrugged, looking towards their foes with the hint of a grin on his face. </p><p>His confidence was reassuring, and Axel was amazed at his composure under the circumstances. His ability to treat Axel with civility in spite of everything that had happened was most surprising of all. He was sure it was partly due to their desperate circumstances, but then again, Roxas had always been the same way - quick to forget and far too forgiving.</p><p>Even if he’d had the words to express what he wanted to say, there was no time.</p><p>Donald and Goofy joined them as the fight began, and at first, he could honestly say it was exhilarating, even fun. He was reminded of Organization missions with Roxas. There was an intuition they shared unlike anything he’d experienced in combat. They knew exactly what the other one needed and when. He allowed himself the flicker of a fantasy in which that really meant something before he felt Sora’s hand on his arm. </p><p>“Axel, there’s too many, and they’re still coming. Look.”</p><p>They had cleared the area immediately surrounding them, but Sora was right. The four of them could not do this forever, yet until the dusks were gone, there was no way to move forward. </p><p>More dusks came, and the battle began anew. Dusks were unintelligent, predictable, and very easy to kill, but over time, they would be tiring. They could exhaust them by sheer force of numbers.</p><p>Axel pondered every way to escape, every attack he knew, and that’s when he remembered it.</p><p>Yet now that he was looking at Sora and remembering Roxas, he couldn’t bring himself to consider the possibility. He wanted to hold on for as long as he possibly could. As long as Roxas lived in any shape or form, he wanted to live too - just to be there for him, even if it wasn’t romantic like he’d always imagined. Even if he was just there on the off-chance Roxas needed anything. Maybe he wasn’t the best at taking care of him, but he wanted to get better at it. And to do that, he needed time, but time was what he didn’t have.</p><p>He saw Sora take a hit. It didn’t knock him over or draw blood, just caused a momentary lapse of coordination and a step back. Sora returned to the fight in a matter of seconds, but Axel wasn’t focused on the present. He was thinking about what would happen after this battle was over and Sora had to fight off all of Organization XIII. </p><p>Once Sora set foot in The World That Never Was, there wouldn’t be a single second for slowing down or slipping up. The Organization wouldn’t allow it. They would run him ragged until he made the same mistakes he was starting to make now. </p><p>Axel knew what he had to do. He waited until they had cleared the area surrounding them and approached Sora.</p><p>“I have an idea. I’m pretty sure I can get rid of all these dusks and give you a better chance, but I need the three of you to stay back.”  </p><p>He couldn’t reveal more or Sora would try to stop him. Even after all the pain and sorrow he’d caused, neither Sora nor Roxas would want anything bad to happen to him. That’s just how they were, and that was why he had to do this.</p><p>Still, Sora stood in front of him, unmoving and silent. He sensed the gravity of the situation without Axel needing to say it. </p><p>“Sora, please. It will only be a few seconds, and then you’ll be on your way.”</p><p>“What are you going to do, Axel?”</p><p>“It’s just a trick I learned in the Organization. I haven’t had a reason to use it before, but it’ll get rid of all these dusks.”  </p><p>He wanted to add an apology, embrace him, tell him how much he loved him, but all of those actions would only serve to fuel the growing suspicion in his eyes and prevent Axel from doing what he had to do.</p><p>Saix had personally taught him this trick, probably hopeful he would someday have to use it. Saix adored death. </p><p>Axel’s mind inexplicably flitted to Lea and Isa’s first kiss, and the way he’d felt at the moment of contact, wired and infinite. He wondered what Lea would think about the fact that Isa’s Nobody had taught Axel how to die. </p><p>Axel had to complete his attack before Sora could process what was happening. He sped into the middle of the hoard of dusks, summoning every molecule of strength he had left.</p><p>It was similar to summoning fire only far more draining and a thousand times more painful. All thoughts were abandoned besides the prerogative to keep pushing onward in spite of the horrific sensations that gnawed at his flesh. It felt as though he were burning himself alive, turning his matter into ashes that could destroy everything they touched.</p><p>He wasn’t able to see the result as his body crashed to the ground, and it was as though every bone broke and then went numb. <em> It won’t be long now, and I’ll be dead </em> , he thought. <em> Destroyed by my own element </em> . <em> Funny.  </em></p><p>He heard Riku’s last word echo in his mind: <em> Good </em>. He smiled. Every detail of his death felt so appropriate, and he was probably just delirious, but he also felt surprisingly peaceful. Thoughts floated through his consciousness - playing with Isa in his childhood bedroom, the taste of sea salt ice cream, Leon’s reassuring smile, the look in Roxas’s eyes the first time they met.</p><p>Riku would take care of him. Demyx and Leon would too. They might even do a better job than he could, so what was there for him to worry about?</p><p>
  <em> You saved Roxas. He knows you love him. You did something right. It won’t be long now. </em>
</p><p>And the further his thoughts drifted away from his body, the better he felt. </p><p>The last thing he heard was his name, and the voice that said it sounded so familiar. <em> Is that you, Roxas? </em> he wondered as the world faded into nothing and he thought no more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I must give a huge shout out to Miss_Macabre_Grey for reading over this chapter for me and offering some great insight. You're the best!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Waking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He awoke feeling peaceful. Was this another dream like the endless ones he’d been having? Visions of Roxas, Sora, Riku, Leon, Demyx and Namine repeating themselves. Memories all his own but told from someone else’s perspective. </p><p>He was surrounded by smooth gray walls, and he felt emboldened to reach out and touch them. As he did, they unfolded like a blossoming flower.  Axel experienced it with the awe of a child. His mind traveled back to young Lea rolling in the grass, picking a flower for Isa. Even Lea’s memories felt more vivid and real, and the feeling was comforting, like he had a real history and a past - Lea’s past as well as his own. As the final petals unfolded he saw Namine standing there beaming at him. </p><p>“It worked,” she said simply, but Axel had a feeling she’d never doubted it would. She walked over and put her hand out to him and he took it. The step he took felt like his first. </p><p>“What did you do to me?” he asked, and his own voice sounded beautiful to him. </p><p>“You’ve been recovering your memories. I’ll explain in a second,” she said. “Follow me. You should sit.” She guided him to a gray bench that perfectly matched the understated room surrounding them, never letting go of his hand. Axel was thankful. He liked the feeling of her delicate, warm fingers in his, so when she tried to remove it, he took it back and held it with both his own. She smiled. </p><p>“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you like this, Axel,” she beamed. “I hoped my plan would work, but I had no idea it would be this successful. You look positively ecstatic, nothing like you did a few months ago.”</p><p>“Is that how long I’ve been gone?” he asked.</p><p>“Yes, you could’ve come out whenever you were ready, and you chose now.”</p><p>“But how did I get here?”</p><p>“The whole story is - well, it’s really quite extraordinary. Do you remember when you sacrificed yourself?”</p><p>Axel thought for a moment. That had been his last memory before the infinite dreams began. He nodded. He remembered the fire and falling to the ground and hearing Roxas’s voice. <em> Roxas </em> . <em> What had become of Roxas? </em> He was tempted to interrupt, but the look in Namine’s eyes was so compelling that he allowed himself to become lost again in the soothing calm of her voice.</p><p>“Well, this is what’s so incredible. When you died, <em> a Nobody was created </em>,” she said the last words in an enthusiastic whisper as though they were too incredible to say out loud. </p><p>“A Nobody created from a Nobody?”</p><p>“I know it sounds impossible, but you’ve changed our ideas about everything, Axel. For a long time, we thought Nobodies didn’t have hearts, so we assumed they could never obtain them, but you’ve shown that that’s not true. When you died, you should’ve ceased to exist, but you created a Nobody, which means you <em> had </em> a heart, Axel. How you managed it, we’re still struggling to fully understand, though I have my theories,” she smiled. “Demyx has been allowing us to study him as well, so I imagine we’ll know more soon.”</p><p>“Demyx!” Axel exclaimed. The remembrance of his old friend delighted him. “He’s alright then?”</p><p>She nodded, “He’s better than ever.”</p><p>“And what about… everyone else?” he finished, feeling a degree of terror that he had never known as he realized they could all be gone.</p><p>“Everyone survived.”</p><p>Axel sighed as gratitude filled his entire being and spilled over into his eyes. He wasn’t supposed to be able to cry, but by some miracle, he was.  Namine squeezed his hand. </p><p>“I know. I know exactly how you’re feeling,” she smiled as her eyes grew wet. They sat in silence for a time before Namine continued. “I suppose you’ll want to hear the rest of the story of how you came to be here? As I said, a Nobody was created when you died. After the battle was over I found him and convinced him to come back with me. You were stubborn at first -”</p><p>“Me? But I don’t remember any of that.”</p><p>“I didn’t want you to remember. I wanted you to be just as you were when you left us, except with a real heart this time.”</p><p>“Let me just... be sure I understand. I’m still a Nobody, but I have a heart?”</p><p>“Yes, and Lea has also been recompleted with your memories.”</p><p>“Have you talked to him?”</p><p>“Leon did.  He said Lea was very relieved to hear you’re alright.  I think it might be worth a visit to Hollow Bastion to see him. I know how hard you’ve tried to avoid him, but he’d really like to see you.”</p><p>Axel nodded. The thought terrified him, but she was probably right. </p><p>“There’s one last thing I want to tell you. It’s the reason you have a heart again...Remember how I told you that because I was born from Sora’s memories of Kairi I am a special kind of Nobody? When your soul returned to Lea and all we had left was your Nobody, I thought to myself, what if I were to… <em> re-create </em> Axel, so to speak, with the memories of his friends? It took months to determine the best way. We didn’t want to change you. We all wanted the <em> real </em> Axel back, just as we had known you. We agreed to share our memories with you, and as a result you have a real heart now.  My hope is that you can see yourself as <em> we </em>see you. Before you were so consumed by your own regrets and self-hatred, but all of us, we love you.  We gave you all our memories so you could see yourself through our eyes.”</p><p>Throughout this entire speech, Axel’s heart had taken a journey of feelings that he had never imagined possible, and now the gratitude was there again, a warm blanket surrounding him. He found that he was crying again. </p><p>“I can see that it worked. You are still our Axel, but a heartless no more.”</p><p>“Who gave me their memories?”</p><p>“Me, Leon, Demyx, Riku, Sora...”</p><p>He hesitated to ask the question that was now at the forefront of his mind.</p><p>Namine’s face looked slightly troubled as she continued. “I know you want to ask about Roxas…. When Sora was battling off the members of the Organization, Roxas was re-created as well. This was also unusual.  Nobodies usually never return to their original form the way you and Roxas did. We weren’t sure who would be waiting for us when the battle was over, but it was Roxas, just as you and I knew him. He was… <em> relieved </em> to be out of Sora’s body, to put it mildly. He felt as though he’d been trapped there, looking for any opportunity to get out, and finally he had his chance.”</p><p>“Where is he, Namine? I need to talk to him.”</p><p>She looked away. “This is the part I’ve been dreading to tell you… Roxas left a few months ago, and… well, he hasn’t been back…”</p><p>Axel felt a rising panic and anxiety building. His fear, just like his other emotions, was much more acute now. </p><p>“He lost contact with everyone, even Demyx who he was closest to,” she sighed, studying Axel’s hands. “The truth is… after everything that happened, he wanted to move on with his life, even if it meant leaving his old friends behind. I hesitated to mention it before, but you are also made from Roxas’s memories. That was his parting gift to you.”</p><p><em> Roxas’s parting gift </em>.  He felt around, but his pockets were empty. </p><p>“Don’t worry, I kept it,” she said, producing the “winner” popsicle stick from her own pocket.  “Just for safekeeping.”</p><p>“Did Roxas know about it?”</p><p>“No… I kept it from everyone. I thought it was your secret to share.”</p><p>“Thanks… Namine, do you have any idea where I could find him?”</p><p>“I have my guesses, but I have to let Roxas keep his secrets too. I’m sorry, Axel.”</p><p>He couldn’t fault her for anything after everything she’d done for him. “I understand… What about the others?”</p><p>“They’re not too far away. They’ve all returned to Destiny Islands. They said they’d come as soon as you woke up, but I say we go to them. What do you think? If you’re strong enough?”</p><p>He nodded, and she summoned a portal herself. Unlike Axel’s, hers was pure white, and they passed through it together, ending up on the soft sand of a beach, overlooking a magnificent ocean. The breeze wafted a sweet smell to Axel. <em> Just like sea salt ice cream </em>, he mused as he watched the waves. </p><p>“Do you need a minute, Axel?” she asked.</p><p>“No, no. It’s okay, Namine. It’s just so beautiful. I hope I’ll be seeing more of this place.”</p><p>“You will,” she said in her knowing way, as she led him towards a charming blue house just steps away from the beach. It was lifted on stilts and had white trim and a wraparound porch stuffed with tables and mismatched chairs.</p><p>“I know they’re home, but it’s probably polite to knock” she said. </p><p>They heard someone yell “Coming!” Axel recognized that voice. The door opened to reveal Leon, who almost knocked him over with a hug. “Axel, I can’t believe it. Namine always said - but we could never be <em> sure </em>. Prove to me it’s you and not some fucking Nobody,” he grinned.</p><p>“Fuck off,” he said smiling, and Leon ruffled his hair affectionately and pulled him into another hug. </p><p>“Want to see our place?” Leon asked,</p><p>“<em> Our </em>place?” Axel inquired.</p><p>“Well, obviously you’ll live with us. Demyx and Riku live here too,” Leon said, then seeing the smirk on Axel’s face, he added, “But it’s not what you think! Riku suggested we all move to the island to take some time to recoup after the war, and we fell in love with this house and haven’t wanted to leave yet. I think you can understand why.”</p><p>“And what about Demyx?”</p><p>“Demyx and I are just friends...”</p><p>“I can’t believe you haven’t made a move after all this time.”</p><p>Leon was about to protest before they were interrupted.</p><p>“Axel!” he heard a familiar voice yell as Demyx bounded down the stairs and threw his arms around him.</p><p>“Damn, you look amazing, Demyx!” Axel said, studying his face. Whatever Namine was doing clearly worked. “I missed you.”</p><p>“You didn’t say that to <em> me </em>,” Leon deadpanned, narrowly avoiding Axel’s attempt to shove him away. </p><p>“I missed you both, okay? Happy?”</p><p>“Extremely,” Leon grinned.</p><p>“Did Leon tell you about our band?”</p><p>Axel looked at Leon in disbelief.</p><p>“We’re not a <em> band </em>,” Leon mumbled. “It’s more of a hobby, since we both play anyway.”</p><p>“Tifa’s our lead singer, and we’re still looking for a bassist,” Demyx said, plowing right through Leon’s doubts.</p><p>“What kind of music do you play?” Axel asked.</p><p>“Hmm… I guess you’d call it… psychedelic rock… opera?” Demyx responded. “I write the music, and Leon writes the lyrics.</p><p>“I’ll be damned,” Axel mused, positively beaming. The thought of all his friends together on this beautiful island making music filled him with so much joy. For a moment he could do nothing but smile. </p><p>Demyx gave Leon a serious look. “Do you know where Riku is?”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure he’s out back,” Leon responded. “We’ll take you.”</p><p>Axel felt a vague sickness at the thought of seeing Riku again, but there was excitement too. As they walked through the center of the house, Axel had a chance to admire it. The ceilings were magnificently tall and open, making the space look like the ballroom in Beast’s castle, except instead of yellows and deep blues, everything was a fresh white. On either side of the entrance were grand, curved staircases that led to landings on the second floor with doors that Axel presumed led to bedrooms. As he walked through the main living space, he could see part of a dining room with large bay windows to his left. The most impressive feature was the back wall which had floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out onto a lush forest of green.</p><p>“How are you feeling about seeing Riku again?” Leon asked.</p><p>“I just hope he’ll forgive me.”</p><p>“I’ll let him tell you, but I don’t think you should worry about that.”</p><p>Demyx returned, panting after having ascended a staircase that led from the back porch balcony down to sea level. “He’s just down the stairs. Wanted to speak with you privately. We’ll be inside.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Axel smiled, giving him a pat on the back. He looked at Leon who offered a reassuring smile before closing the balcony door behind him.</p><p>Riku was sitting alone with his elbows on a circular, white table. He didn’t look up, so Axel took the seat across from him and waited. </p><p>Riku finally made eye contact, and when he did, Axel felt relieved. He could tell Riku wanted to make amends judging solely by his gentle expression. </p><p>“Axel, I’m so sorry. I’ve had so much time to think it over - everything I said to you - and I can’t believe those words came from me. When I thought you were dead, I was inconsolable. Without Leon and Demyx, I’d probably still be a mess right now, but they made me keep fighting and helped me forgive myself - or at least distracted me enough to forget what I’d said. Then when Namine told me you could come back… I was so <em> relieved </em> because I’ve been waiting to say this to you for so long. You are like an older brother to me, Axel. You understand me in a way that no one else ever will, and I need you in my life. I’ve needed you since the day you left. When I think about the last words I said to you…” He started to break down, and Axel moved his chair so it was facing Riku’s. </p><p>“You know, Riku, I thought about the word you said to me just before I died, and you know what I did when I thought about it? <em> I laughed </em> . It’s because…” Axel struggled for the words. “It’s because you didn’t tell me something that I hadn’t already thought to myself a million times. By the time I was dying, I welcomed it. I even thought it would be the best thing that could happen, and… as it turns out, I was <em> right </em>.”</p><p>Riku smiled curiously at him. Axel could tell he was still conflicted, not quite believing Axel’s words. “It wasn’t the ‘best thing’ to me. I’d have preferred to have you here all that time,” Riku admitted.</p><p>“But look at me now. I feel <em> whole </em> again. I never had that as a Nobody. I was always grasping at straws. It was enough to drive me crazy but not change me. Namine told me what you all did for me. I’m a better person, a real person, because of it. I still exist because of how much you cared about me. You were a friend to me when I was still heartless.”</p><p>“I don’t believe you were ever really heartless,” Riku said, his eyes welling with emotion again. </p><p>Axel was so incredibly touched. He wanted to bask in Riku’s kind words, but there were words he needed to share too. </p><p>“I regret what happened with Sora,” Axel confessed. “I was too selfish to consider how it would make you feel. And you have to know that none of it was ever <em> really </em> about Sora. It was always for Roxas. Since I couldn’t have him, I wanted the next best thing, and it happened to be the person you cared about most.”</p><p>“I should’ve told you the truth about my feelings the first time you asked. It wasn’t just your fault.”</p><p> “What about Sora? Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”</p><p>“He already has, Axel.” These words lifted his spirits considerably, though he wasn’t entirely sure if he could believe them. Riku seemed to sense his doubt and added, “As soon as Roxas was re-created, it was like Sora became a new person again. He explained it like there was a stranger inside of him, a person who couldn’t speak or act, but who could change his emotions and manipulate his memories. Once Roxas was gone, he couldn’t understand how he’d felt the way he had. He thinks of you as a friend now. Trust me, Axel. I can see the doubt on your face, but if <em> I </em> believe him, it’s the truth. Not only have I known him since childhood, but I was also insanely jealous of you, so if he’s eased my doubts, I promise you, you shouldn’t worry about it anymore.”</p><p>Axel let these words sink in. Everything seemed so convenient now, wrapped up in a bow for him. The only thing still not falling into place was Roxas, but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to talk about it yet. He asked the next most urgent question on his mind. “So are you and Sora -”</p><p>“No,” Riku interrupted, shaking his head. </p><p>“Oh no, Riku. What happened? I’m sure he’ll come around to it.”</p><p>“I haven’t told him how I feel,” Riku sighed.</p><p>“Even after everything that’s happened?”</p><p>“Especially after everything that’s happened. Axel, he told me that it was Roxas who made him interested in you. He insists that he’s not interested in guys.”</p><p>“And as his best friend since childhood, do you believe him?”</p><p>“No,” replied Riku. “But I do believe he’s not interested in me.”</p><p>“You don’t know that!” said Axel, raising his voice a bit too much and looking around as though Sora might hear them. “Does - does Sora live here?”</p><p>Riku shook his head. “He lives up the hill with his parents. We invited him to move in, but he insists. I guess he misses them... I don’t see him much, honestly.”</p><p>“What about your parents?” Axel asked, realizing he had no conception of Riku’s past.</p><p>“Oh, my parents are...they’re dead. But I go to see my grandma on the other side of the island every week. She raised me.”</p><p>“Oh,” was all Axel managed. He couldn’t believe that this had never come up before, and it made him sad to think of an orphaned Riku. </p><p>“I’m okay,” offered Riku. “It was a long time ago. But I understand Sora’s reasoning. After everything he’s been through, I think he sees the importance of staying close to the people you love.”</p><p>“Then he should be staying close to you.”</p><p>Riku still looked skeptical. </p><p>“Seriously, I followed him around for months, and I heard the way he talks about you.  He thinks <em>way</em> too highly of you,” Axel teased, and Riku grinned.</p><p>“It’s not over yet, right?” Axel encouraged, putting both hands on Riku’s shoulders and bending slightly to look him in the eye. “I’m here for you now. Got it memorized?”</p><p>“Memorized,” Riku affirmed with a smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was one of my favorite chapters to write. I love a good friend reunion &lt;3</p><p>I'm sure you're wondering where the heck Roxas is, and Axel wants to know the same thing! In the next chapter Axel tries to get intel from his friends and has a heart-to-heart with Sora.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Feeling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel spent an extremely pleasant afternoon sitting on the balcony overlooking the ocean with Leon, Demyx, Namine, and Riku. The five of them reminisced about old times, and his friends filled him in on what had happened while he was gone. It wasn’t surprising to hear that life had been very good since the Organization was defeated.</p><p>Leon and Demyx had done some travelling since the worlds had opened up, and they shared hilarious stories about the wonders of Arendelle and the bizarre creatures of Fantasia. Axel couldn’t help but notice their obvious chemistry. The two of them already behaved like a couple. They finished each other’s sentences and laughed at inside jokes. He also noticed the subtle way Demyx leaned closer to Leon and found every excuse to touch him.</p><p>Leon was an idiot for not making a move, and he could say the same for Demyx. They were very lucky Axel hadn’t died or they would probably be suffering like this forever. As things were, they had nothing to worry about.</p><p>When he wasn’t scheming about ways to get Leon and Demyx together, Axel considered the idea of doing some travelling himself, visiting new worlds because he wanted to, not because he had missions to complete. But not alone. There was one person he wanted to see it all with, and that person was out there on one of those worlds. Axel just didn’t know which.</p><p>As daylight faded, Demyx pulled out a box of sea salt ice cream. They enjoyed their treats quietly on the sand of the beach as they watched the sunset. Axel was reminded of the many evenings he’d spent doing the same thing with Roxas in Twilight Town. Every emotion was felt more deeply, including his yearning to see Roxas’s face.</p><p>Even though he was delighted and comforted by having his closest friends beside him, his subconscious was still anxious about his lover’s fate. He just needed to know where he stood, to hear it from Roxas’s lips - his thoughts, his feelings. Was he lonely out there? Was he happy? Was he safe?</p><p>At the end of the night, Leon led him to his new room only to find the bed covered in half-completed sheets of music and piles of dishes caked with debris.</p><p>“I told Demyx to clear his shit out of here,” Leon grumbled, before adding more affectionately, “This is where he likes to write music. He’s even messier than you and me, if you can believe that. It’s fine - you can sleep in my room.”</p><p>“I think it’s best we don’t-” Axel started before Leon interrupted him.</p><p>“I agree completely. Let’s just be friends from now on.”</p><p>Axel smiled, relieved.</p><p>“By the way,” Leon continued, “There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you - I’m sorry I forced your hand on our last evening together. Riku told me everything, and I feel responsible for how it all played out.”</p><p>“Don’t. It had nothing to do with you, and it’s not like I was pushing you away either.”</p><p>“It’s hard for me to even understand my thinking then, now that life is so carefree, but, in a way, I felt like I needed you back then, and I don’t regret anything, even though we made so many bad decisions,” he grinned. “You kept me sane and level-headed and took the edge off what would’ve been a fucking miserable time, so… thank you.”</p><p>“Same, Leon. My entire life would’ve turned out differently if you hadn’t intervened. I still managed to fuck things up pretty royally all on my own, but you were always there for me, and I hope we stay close, not as close and you and Demyx should stay,” he said suggestively, prompting a nervous look from Leon. He decided to abandon the subject, but only for this evening.</p><p>They sat on Leon’s bed talking and laughing, and it was well past midnight when Axel finally got up the courage to ask Leon about Roxas.<br/>“I want to see him, Leon, but I don’t know if he’ll want to see me. He has so many reasons to hate me, and he left here knowing I was coming back, so he obviously doesn’t want to see me… But everything inside me wants to return to him, even though it’s obvious that’s not what he wants.”</p><p>“Whew. It’s gonna take a while to get used to you.”</p><p>“What do you mean by that?”</p><p>“The old Axel would already be out looking for Roxas whether he wanted it or not. We didn’t even really expect you to stay the night. I told Demyx to have the room ready, but...”</p><p>Axel smiled before growing serious again. “Do you think I should go out and look for him? Maybe the old me was right. The idea is tempting, and at the very least, I need to know if he’s okay. You can be honest with me - what was he like before he left?”</p><p>“Honestly… he seemed depressed. He stayed in his room most of the time and barely talked to anyone, especially not me. I got the sense he was still upset over Sora finding me in your room. We were all worried about him, and then one day he disappeared without a word.”</p><p>“Does he still talk to anyone?”</p><p>“I think he talks with Demyx some, but that’s it.”</p><p>“Not Sora?”</p><p>Leon shook his head. “Sora came by to see him a few times, but his visits never lasted long.”</p><p>“You think Roxas is mad at Sora for hooking up with me?”</p><p>Leon avoided his gaze. “That’s the impression I got from Sora, though you should honestly go talk to him yourself. I’d rather not reveal the things he told me in confidence.”</p><p>Axel considered what he’d just heard. Roxas was sad and hurting and had left everyone he knew behind, and it was all Axel’s fault. His actions had isolated Roxas from all his potential friends. Now who could Roxas go to when he needed someone? He was glad he was at least speaking to Demyx, but it didn’t seem like enough. The guilt gnawed at his insides as he pictured Roxas, always so positive and bright, holed up in his room all day.</p><p>“Wow, I really couldn’t have fucked things up worse, could I?” Axel asked, feeling like he might cry again. His full range of emotions were constantly threatening to overwhelm him. How did normal people handle all this? He hadn’t even had a full day of feelings, and he was already exhausted.</p><p>“Put things into perspective, Axel,” Leon urged. “You didn’t have a full heart before, and now you do. You were at the mercy of Organization XIII for years, forced to kill and destroy everything in your path or risk being murdered. Considering the life you’ve been handed, I really don’t think you’ve done that badly. And don’t forget - you died for Roxas, or at least you meant to. You made the ultimate sacrifice, and that means something. Remember that.”</p><p>Axel had a rebuttal for every one of Leon’s points, but he didn’t want to burden his friend with all his tortured thoughts. “Thanks, Leon.”</p><p>“I can’t stand to see you like this,” he sighed, then grinned. “Here’s something that might cheer you up. I’m sure Namine told you we had to relive all our memories of you so you could get your heart back, correct?”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“Well, she saw <em>all</em> of them.”</p><p>“Right, and?”</p><p>“<em>All of them</em>, Axel.”</p><p>Axel mind flitted through all the hours of hot sex, all the whispered words in Leon’s ear, all the kinky moments that should’ve never left the bedroom, and it did make him laugh. A lot.</p><p>“Poor Namine. I promise I’ll never give her a hard time again,” Axel smiled.</p><p>“I won’t either. She could blackmail us with some of that.”</p><p>“She’ll know about me and Demyx then too. Oh fuck - sorry Leon. I don’t mean to keep bringing it up. Just Namine basically has a record of my entire sex life now.”</p><p>He burst out laughing again and Leon joined him.</p><p>As they quieted down, he asked one more question.</p><p>“What do you think I should do, Leon? About Roxas.”</p><p>“I think you should go look for him.”</p><p>He couldn’t deny the idea was enticing, but was it wise? Leon was usually a pretty good judge.</p><p>“But I fucked up a lot, Leon.”</p><p>“Well, no one’s denying that,” Leon grinned. “But the truth is, we’re all worried about him. We thought we should give him some space, but I think it’s been long enough. And you’ll have to talk to him eventually. I can’t imagine the two of you can stay away from each other for too long given your history.”</p><p>“You’re probably right…”</p><p>“How does this sound? Give yourself a few days to think it over. At least take some time to talk to Sora. I know he wants to see you.”</p><p>His mind inexplicably flitted to Riku, and he asked exactly what was on his mind, “Do you think Sora’s gay?”</p><p>Leon’s eyes widened, “Axel, don’t you dare start down that path again.”</p><p>“No, Leon! I’m not going to hit on him. It’s just something I’m... curious about.” He wanted to keep Riku’s secret, but he feared the abrupt way he’d presented it might give Leon some clues. Thankfully Leon had tact, and if he suspected Axel’s motives, he didn’t reveal anything. It was possible Leon knew about Riku’s crush anyway, or at the very least suspected.</p><p>“I’ve considered the possibility,” Leon answered, “And given Roxas’s preferences, it wouldn’t be surprising, but we’ve never spoken about it.”</p><p>“Thanks, that’s all I needed to hear... So what are you going to do about Demyx?”</p><p>“I think it’s time we get some sleep,” Leon insisted, turning off the bedside lamp and crawling under the sheets</p><p>“I’m not going to let it go,” Axel responded.</p><p>“Yeah, trust me, I know,” Leon grumbled.</p><p>Axel smiled as he lay his head on his pillow. He’d get to work on Demyx first thing tomorrow.</p><hr/><p>He woke up the next day feeling refreshed and content. He walked outside to see a clear blue sky over the ocean and realized how simple his life could be going forward. He had all his friends living with him in a gorgeous home on an island paradise. No one was telling him what to do. He didn’t have to fight for his life anymore or scheme or plan (unless getting his friends together counted). The universe was no longer at risk of being destroyed.</p><p>Still, the ache of missing Roxas was ever-present, a nugget in the pit of his stomach that made everything feel not quite right. Even so, he was used to much worse.</p><p>He went to the kitchen to find cold scrambled eggs and a piece of bread in the toaster, which he ate happily on the balcony overlooking the private jungle that was their backyard. As he was finishing up his meal, Demyx came bounding out and sat next to him.</p><p>“It’s good to have you back,” he exclaimed. “How did you sleep?”</p><p>“I slept great. It’s like I’m a whole new person. I guess I am, so… makes sense.”</p><p>“Did anything happen with you and Leon last night?”</p><p>Axel struggled to hide his grin. <em>You like him, don’t you Demyx? I knew it.</em></p><p>Axel also knew that Demyx was stubborn and would not react well to Axel pointing out the plain truth. His next words were strategic. “No, nothing happened. I actually found out he has a crush on someone else.”</p><p>“What, really?” Demyx blurted. Then, attempting (poorly) to mask his emotions, followed it up with, “You know he used to have a thing for me.”</p><p>“Is that right?”.</p><p>“He didn’t tell you about it then?”</p><p>“Hmm… maybe he mentioned it…”</p><p>“Well, he didn’t say he had a crush on me exactly, but he invited me to his room, so it’s basically the same thing, right? But I said I wasn’t interested.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“I had too much on my mind.”</p><p>“And what would you do if he invited you to his room now?” Axel asked, raising an eyebrow while attempting to hide the joyful leaps his heart was making.</p><p>“Probably the same thing,” Demyx replied unconvincingly.</p><p>“Well, that’s very wise of you, considering the band and everything.”</p><p>Demyx looked positively miserable. Axel smiled inwardly.</p><p>“So you don’t know who he likes then?” Demyx urged.</p><p>“No idea. I think he mentioned he likes red heads, but I can’t say for sure.”</p><p>Axel was having far too much fun playing with Demyx. While he’d rather be honest and direct, he knew it wouldn't work. Demyx would have to come around to it in his own time.</p><p>For now, he had some questions for Demyx.</p><p>“Can you tell me something, Dem?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“Why do you think Roxas left?”</p><p>“He swore me to secrecy, and even I don’t know the whole story, but I guess he just felt like he needed to build his own life. He wasn’t really happy here with all of us, ya know?He didn’t fit in. Not that he <em>couldn’t</em> have fit in. He just kept to himself too much. <em>Trust me.</em> I was always trying to get him to hang out with us, but he just seemed too sad.”</p><p>“Do you know where he is now?”</p><p>“I really shouldn’t say much more. He’s my friend too. You never seemed to get that.”</p><p>That stung. “I knew you were friends,” he defended.</p><p>“Axel, I don’t want to start a fight. I just felt like… you know… once you and Roxas got together, I barely saw the two of you anymore, and it never occurred to you that I might be lonely and that Roxas might need a friend besides you, that’s all.”</p><p>“You’re probably right, Demyx,” he conceded, “I always thought I was being protective of him, but... I think I took it too far.”</p><p>Demyx sighed. “I guess we all have regrets from being in the Organization, me included…. And Roxas had them too. I think that when the chance came to give you his memories, he was reluctant to relive them.”</p><p>Demyx was quiet and thoughtful after this statement. Axel could understand too well why Roxas wouldn’t want to relive their time together. It had been a year of misery with only the slightest flickers of happiness.</p><p>“Axel, I don’t think Roxas only left because of you. Namine met with each of us in person, and she told us all the same thing, that reliving our memories of you would be emotionally draining. We would be experiencing every minute again- the good times and the bad -as though it were the first time. Even I hesitated. So many rotten times in the Organization, ya know? It wasn’t easy for any of us, but it was especially hard on Roxas.”</p><p>Axel contemplated the sacrifice his friends had made for him with a mixture of gratitude and guilt. “I really am sorry about Roxas and everything else. I should’ve been a better friend to you, Demyx.”</p><p>“About Roxas… I think maybe you just need to give it time. I’m sure he’ll want to talk to you eventually… just not yet.”</p><p>Axel nodded. “Funny, Leon said I should go out and look for him right away.”</p><p>“Well, Roxas is kind of pissed at Leon, so I wouldn’t listen to him. When did he say that?”</p><p>“Last night when we stayed up talking.”</p><p>“Ya know what? I’ll clear out the guest room so you can sleep in there tonight, because... it might be more comfortable to have your own space.”</p><p>“That’s very sweet of you,” Axel grinned. When Demyx was willing to clean up after himself just so Axel wouldn’t sleep next to Leon, he definitely had it bad.</p><hr/><p>Later that afternoon, Riku walked him all the way up to the door of Sora’s house, then refused to go in with him</p><p>“Don’t you two need to talk on your own?” Riku asked, looking around nervously as though Sora were about to pop around the corner</p><p>“It’s nothing I wouldn’t say in front of you anyway. Why are you so afraid of him?”</p><p>“I don’t know, Axel,” he whispered, “I never used to be like this, but since I realized how I feel about him, I just- what if he doesn't like me back?”</p><p>“Well, avoiding him won’t help you answer the question, right?” Axel insisted as he knocked on the door. Riku practically sprinted down the street, and Axel was tempted to run after him until he turned to find Sora looking up at him. Axel had come here on Leon’s orders, but he hadn’t really planned what he was going to say, and now he was regretting his lack of preparation.</p><p>To his relief, Sora jumped into his arms. “Thank you for saving my life.”</p><p>Axel wrapped his arms around Sora, and the embrace felt so familiar and comforting. He loved the way his head could rest on Sora’s, and it made him ache for Roxas. Even so, it made him happy just to know that Sora alive. The reality that Sora was hugging him instead of yelling at him was nearly unbelievable.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Sora,” he whispered, still not letting go.</p><p>“I am too. I let things get carried away.”</p><p>“Because of Roxas,” Axel clarified. “It was a difficult situation.”</p><p>“For you too,” Sora added before he gently broke away from their embrace.</p><p>“How did you know where I live?” Sora asked, leaning against the doorframe.</p><p>“Riku showed me.”</p><p>“Is he here?” Sora asked, peering behind Axel.</p><p>“Sorry, he left. He had something he was supposed to do,” Axel mumbled, feeling annoyed at Riku for running off and upsetting Sora like this. Axel probably shouldn’t have mentioned Riku’s name at all.</p><p>“Right. It’s just, I haven’t seen him in a while,” Sora lamented, “I feel like he’s avoiding me.”</p><p>Axel wasn’t sure how to respond. He felt protective about both of them. He didn’t want to give away Riku’s secret any more than he wanted to see Sora look so sad.</p><p>He changed the subject. “Can we sit?” he asked, gesturing to the front steps of Sora’s home. They sat next to each other, and Sora rested his head on the side of Axel’s shoulder, only because he wasn’t quite tall enough to lay on it. He was much more physically expressive than Roxas was, and it took Axel a little by surprise, even as he enjoyed the closeness.</p><p>“I’m sure you want to ask about Roxas,” Sora said. Axel felt his stomach flutter. He might be about to find out the truth, and he realized he was unprepared to hear it. He feared the worst.</p><p>“It’s a little complicated, but Namine explained it to me like this, and I think it makes sense. Even though I was still in control of myself when Roxas was there, he was able to manipulate my emotions. I wouldn’t have even realized Roxas existed if you hadn’t spoken to me in Agrabah. After that day, I slowly started having memories of you and feelings for you which made no sense to me at all, and when you kissed me, it became that much more intense.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Sora… I can’t imagine how you felt about everything. I wonder how Roxas feels...”</p><p>“The truth is, I don’t really know, but I do think he was upset. That’s why I turned you away that night you visited my tent. Roxas was frustrated, and at that point, I could still differentiate myself from him, but over time it became harder and harder. I feel so embarrassed for telling you I was in love with you - ugh - <em>what was I thinking</em>?” he groaned, removing his head from where it lay on Axel’s shoulder and burying it between his own knees instead.</p><p>Axel gently wrapped an arm around him, missing the physical contact. He found Sora’s presence so remarkably comforting, especially when he had fully prepared for Sora to hate him.</p><p>“You didn’t do anything wrong, Sora.”</p><p>“Then why does Roxas hate me?” Sora asked.</p><p>Axel flinched. “It’s because of what <em>I</em> did, Sora. I’m sure it had nothing to do with you. If it makes you feel better, Demyx thinks Roxas will come back someday.”</p><p>“I don’t think so. He never responds to my letters,” Sora mumbled.</p><p>“Do you know where he lives?” Axel asked, feeling a flutter of excitement rise in his chest.</p><p>“I promised Demyx I would keep it a secret,” Sora explained. “Sorry, Axel. I wish I could, but I don’t want to give Roxas another reason to be mad at me. I want to be his friend. I <em>hate it</em> when people don’t like me, and if Roxas doesn't like me, that basically means he hates himself, right?”</p><p>Axel felt that like a punch to the gut.</p><p>“Sora, I want your opinion on something - only if you feel comfortable to give it… Do you think I should go out looking for Roxas or wait for him to come back here? I really want to see him, but I don’t want to invade his space or-”</p><p>“I think you should go find him. It would be so romantic.”</p><p>Axel chuckled. “And you think Roxas would like that too? Would you want that if it were you?”</p><p>“Doesn’t hurt to try,” he shrugged. “But I can’t pretend to understand Roxas, not fully. We’re not as alike as you’d think.”</p><p>“You’re right. It’s strange, but you really are different. Not <em>that</em> different, but… It’s actually really nice getting to know you. Makes me miss Roxas a lot though.”</p><p>Sora was silent for a few moments before he replied, “You know, I’ve never known two guys who were in love before. I never thought I would kiss a guy, or - well, the truth is, you made me think about things differently.”</p><p>“Well, gender shouldn’t matter if you’re in love,” Axel suggested hopefully. “Why don’t you and Riku talk again?”</p><p>“It’s like I said. Things have just been weird between us since I got back. A few months ago, I had so many friends from all across the worlds, and now I just sit at home all the time, and even my own best friend doesn’t want to see me. It sucks.”</p><p>“You should come over to the house more. I'll be living there, and I'd love to see you.”</p><p>“That would be great,” Sora smiled.</p><p>“Maybe I’ll see if I can force Riku to hang out with us too.”</p><p>“Yeah, good luck… Do you really think he would?” Sora added hopefully.</p><p>“Well, I can’t guarantee he’ll be any fun to be around,” Axel rolled his eyes, “But it’s worth a shot, right? Why don’t you come over tonight?”</p><p>“I can’t, but I promise I will soon.”</p><p>Axel walked away from their conversation feeling relieved about Sora and more worried than ever about Roxas. Leon and Sora were urging him to go, and Demyx was telling him to stay. Leon was the person he trusted most in the world, and Sora was Roxas’s Somebody, but Demyx was the only person who Roxas had personally confided in. He supposed he should follow Roxas’s wishes and wait it out.</p><hr/><p>“You really don’t mind me wearing your clothes?” Axel asked Leon back at the house.</p><p>“Like I said, as long as you don’t touch my rock star side of the closet, we’re good,” Leon answered. “Those are all clothes Demyx decided I should wear to the shows we haven’t booked yet - because we don’t even have a real band.”</p><p>“He dresses you now too?! I’m surprised you two aren’t already married.”</p><p>“I wish you would drop it.”</p><p>“I don’t care. He likes you too, by the way.”</p><p>“What did he say?” Leon asked cautiously.</p><p>“He asked if we slept together last night.”</p><p>“That doesn’t mean anything… does it?”</p><p>“If you’ve known Demyx long enough it does… just trust me. Make your move.”</p><p>Axel could tell from the expression on his face that Leon still had no confidence on the matter.</p><p>“Listen, I wish I could force Demyx to hit on you, but he’s stubborn. He won’t do anything just because I told him to, and he’s too afraid of rejection to ask you out. That’s why it has to be you.”</p><p>“I’ll think about it, but how should I even begin?”</p><p>“I don’t know, Leon,” Axel teased, “You seduced me in <em>five minutes</em> after all. It should come naturally.”</p><p>Leon smiled. “So your plan is to come back tonight, right? I’ll see about clearing up the guest room again.”</p><p>Axel nodded. “I think Demyx mentioned he might clear it out himself.”</p><p>Leon rolled his eyes. “Sure he will.”</p><p>“Either way is fine. I’ll be back tonight. I just need some time alone, to think.”</p><p>With that, Axel opened up a portal and found himself in the heart of Twilight Town. It was about an hour until sunset, and everything looked romantic and peaceful, bathed in hints of orange and pink.</p><p>Without his Organization robes, Axel felt normal for the first time in his existence. He was so incredibly grateful for this new chance at life. He walked up the winding path to the hill that overlooked the city. It was beautiful, but he knew a place where the view was even better. He grabbed a sea salt ice cream and made his way up the many steps to the very top of the clock tower. His timing was perfect. The sky was a brilliant display of rich colors. He turned the corner to take his usual seat on the edge of the tower and nearly tripped over himself as he dropped his ice cream.</p><p>“Roxas?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm evil with my cilffhangers, I know! I'm a sucker for suspense myself, but I apologize if you feel personally victimized! I will get the next chapter out pretty quickly. </p><p>I must now commend you for being an awesome (and super patient) audience. We are 13 chapters in, and you've yet to see Axel and Roxas interact with each other! Needless to say, that will be remedied in the next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Reuniting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The look of surprise on Roxas’s face mimicked his own. They stood there staring at each other for what felt like a very long time, and Axel could think of absolutely nothing to say. Thankfully, Roxas broke the silence.</p><p>“How did you know I was here?”</p><p>Axel should’ve been relieved that Roxas wasn’t openly hostile towards him, but instead he felt a pang of disappointment at the fact that he didn’t seem happy either.</p><p>To be fair, Axel couldn’t imagine he looked any happier himself. He was out of breath, his stomach tied in tight knots, as though he were preparing for battle instead of reuniting with the person he adored most in the world.</p><p>He’d known, hadn’t he, that Roxas was out there in the worlds somewhere, metaphorically speaking, but finding him in the same place they’d been hundreds of times before... Perhaps he shouldn’t be surprised.</p><p>“I - I didn’t know you were here,” Axel stuttered. “Not really.”</p><p>Axel had planned to take Leon’s advice - wait a few days to think it over, collect his thoughts, determine exactly what to say. How could he even begin to express what was on his mind and in his heart?</p><p>“Sora didn’t tell you?” Roxas pressed.</p><p>Axel shook his head, “No, he wanted to keep your secret.”</p><p>“So you’ve been talking to him?” Roxas accused, the malice behind his words so uncharacteristic of the sweet person he had known that it physically hurt Axel to hear.</p><p>The distance of ten feet between them might as well have been miles. Axel was reluctant to breathe, let alone take a step closer. Roxas waited for him to respond as he leaned against the side of the clock face with folded arms and a frown on his face.</p><p>“I went to see Sora today, to ask about you,” Axel explained. “He’s worried. We all are. Demyx said you barely came out of your room.”</p><p>Every sentence was a struggle with Roxas eyeing him so coldly. He remembered when his mere presence was sure to make Roxas smile.</p><p>The tension was thick, and he could feel it squeezing his insides, making rational thoughts impossible. He ached to see some sign of the connection they had once kindled, but the ties that used to bind them were broken beyond recognition. The familiar warmth Roxas had reserved only for him was entirely gone, along with his smile.</p><p>Roxas didn’t respond, just stared silently at the sunset.</p><p><em>That’s where he was standing the first time I kissed him</em>, Axel mused.</p><p>The contrast of remembering their first kiss to the misery of the present made his shoulders slump and his body grow weak. He felt lightheaded and didn’t think he could stand for much longer.</p><p>“Do you mind?” Axel asked, not waiting for an answer as he took a few steps closer to the clock tower wall and steadied himself against it, still maintaining the distance between himself and his ex-lover, worried that Roxas would find any further intrusion into his personal space unwelcome. To his surprise, Roxas came closer.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Roxas asked.</p><p>“Yeah, Roxas. I’m good,” he replied. He was entranced by the perfect shade of blue as their eyes met. His mind wandered to a past that felt so long ago he could hardly envision it, a past where those eyes adored him.</p><p>A little of the coldness melted as Axel saw a glimmer of concern in Roxas’s expression. It calmed him just enough to ask a safe question.</p><p>“How are you?”</p><p>Roxas looked away. “I’m alright.”</p><p>“Are you really?”</p><p>“Didn’t expect you to care,” Roxas shrugged, leaning his back against the clock face once more and looking towards the blazing sunset, the light of which made his features look striking and brilliant.</p><p>Words failed Axel again. The glimmer of affection between them had ended, and the task of rebuilding it felt insurmountable. But he had to try. This was <em>Roxas</em> - the one he had sworn to protect, the one he had given his life to save.</p><p>“I do care,” Axel replied. “I know I’m fucking this up. I planned to give you time, and I’m sorry I showed up here. I guess maybe I knew deep down this is where I could find you, but I promise I didn’t come here with the intention of bothering you.”</p><p>The longer Axel existed in the void of Roxas’s cold indifference, the worse he felt, and he decided he should leave before he broke down completely.</p><p>“I’ll leave - give you some time to…” he drifted off, taking one last look at an unresponsive Roxas before making his way down the spiral steps.</p><p>If only he could reset time. What if they had met somewhere else in some other time or place? Would Axel have had a shot or would he have fucked that up too?</p><p>“Axel, wait!”</p><p>He did, not realizing until he heard it how desperate he’d been to hear Roxas say his name.</p><p>He bounded up the stairs two at a time.</p><p>Roxas stood in the entranceway to the staircase, backlit by the last glow of the setting sun. Axel was entranced by the way the light flecked off his golden hair. Dear god, he was magnificently beautiful, and Axel felt an irresistible urge to kiss him, and he got the dangerous impression that Roxas wanted him to. Axel let his eyes stray to Roxas’s perfect lips, tempted but uncertain.</p><p>There were a few steps between them still, and he ascended all but the last step so that he and Roxas were standing nose to nose, almost the same height. He waited to see if Roxas would protest the closeness, but he didn’t flinch, just stared into Axel’s eyes, willing and helpless.</p><p>Axel waited.</p><p>Roxas took a step back.</p><p>“What’s wrong, Roxas?”</p><p>“We can’t do that,” Roxas replied softly. “I have some things to tell you.”</p><p>“I have so much to say to you too. I don’t even know where to begin.”</p><p>“I wasn’t ready to see you. Not yet.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s fate,” Axel dared to suggest. “How could it be a coincidence that we’re both back in the same place at the same time?”</p><p>“I come here every day actually.”</p><p>“You mean you live in Twilight Town?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Seems like a nice place,” Axel offered, feeling grateful just to have the semblance of a normal conversation. Even though Roxas remained eerily quiet, Axel sensed that their intimate moment had broken down some of the barriers between them, and he needed to tell Roxas how he felt before things became strained again.</p><p>“I’m so sorry for the way I treated you, Roxas. It was bad enough when we were in the Organization. When I think back on that night you came to my room... I’ve lived it over and over, and I can’t believe I didn’t whisk you away that moment. We could’ve left and started over so easily. It seems so obvious now. And the worst part is, I think I didn’t kiss you because I was afraid of hurting you, but I hurt you anyway, so what was the point?”</p><p>“I think about that moment a lot too. If you had kissed me, I think everything would be different. I would never have left you,” Roxas admitted.</p><p>Axel felt a stab of pain at an old wound. Roxas had confirmed what he’d long suspected. It was both a relief and crushing sorrow to hear out loud.<br/>“But maybe it was a good thing,” insisted Roxas, “It changed the course of everything.”</p><p>Axel wanted to object, but he allowed the words time to settle. He thought of life after Roxas. It had been miserable at first, but he had abandoned the Organization, made new friends, and now he had a heart to show for it. Perhaps Roxas was right. Maybe their time apart had been a good thing, or at least some good had come from it.</p><p>“I’d never thought about it that way before, Roxas. You have a bright way of looking at things. I’ve missed that. I’ve <em>needed</em> that. Damn, it feels so good just to <em>talk</em> to you again. I almost can’t believe you’re real.”</p><p>“Axel, before you say anything else... I - I’m not sure how to say this. I won’t - I can’t… we can’t be together anymore. Not the way we were.”</p><p>Axel’s heart sank to his stomach. “Oh?“</p><p>“I’m seeing someone.”</p><p>He tried to imagine Roxas with someone else, someone better than Axel, someone Roxas had chosen <em>knowing</em> Axel would be back any day, someone Roxas preferred. It would have made him angry if it weren’t for the despair that was slowly sedating his body and mind.</p><p>“Who is it?” Axel asked.</p><p>“You probably don’t know him.”</p><p>“Are you… happy with him?”</p><p>“Axel, that’s not the point,” Roxas objected gently. “I wouldn’t be with you anyway.”</p><p>All Axel had been fighting for, waiting for, hoping for - gone, so quickly.</p><p>He should’ve expected this outcome, but deep down he had maintained the belief that they were soulmates, that they could patch things up, that it would be difficult, but Roxas would conclude the same thing Axel always had - they were destined to be together.</p><p>“Maybe we should sit,” Roxas suggested, taking a seat with his back against the clock face once more.</p><p>Axel nodded. He followed Roxas and sat a few feet away from him.</p><p>Axel didn’t truly want the answer to the question he asked, but he also knew he couldn’t rest without it. “Roxas, I know it’s probably obvious after everything I’ve done, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to hear it from you… Why didn’t you wait for me to come back before you left?”</p><p>“You’re going to make me say it? I can barely talk about it,” Roxas quavered.</p><p>Axel flinched.</p><p>“You flirted with Sora in front of me. You kissed him. You even told him you were in love with him.”</p><p>Every word made his heart sink further, but at the very least, he couldn’t allow Roxas to believe he was in love with Sora.</p><p>“I was only attracted to Sora because of <em>you</em>, Roxas. The feelings I had for Sora are gone now that the two of you have been separated, and I expect you won’t believe me, but the night I said ‘I love you,’ I meant it for you.”</p><p>“You mean that night you <em>kissed Sora</em>?”</p><p>“I was afraid you were going to die,” Axel insisted, trying to hold back tears so he could at least finish his sentence. “I just wanted a few more minutes with you. I said your name instead of his because you were the person I was thinking about."</p><p>“But you wished you hadn’t said it. You felt bad for disappointing Sora. I could see it in your eyes. You would have had sex with him that night if you could have, if my name hadn’t inconveniently popped into your head, right?”</p><p>Since when did Roxas know anything about sex? Axel had tried so hard to keep him innocent.</p><p>“No Roxas! No!” he pleaded. “It was always about you. He was the closest thing I had, and I missed you so much, every single day, from the second you left. And I didn’t know if I could ever get you back. I thought I would have to settle for something less than perfect just to be closer to you.”</p><p>“Even if that were true, what about Leon? I know all about you two, by the way. I made Demyx tell me the truth.”</p><p>“It didn’t mean anything. He’s just a friend,” Axel insisted.</p><p>“Like Demyx was just a friend? You sure like to sleep with your friends, don’t you?”</p><p>“But it wasn’t like that for us. Leon knew I wanted to be with you. I was just lonely, and I missed you, and I didn’t cope well without you.”</p><p>“You say that you care about me, that you couldn’t stop thinking about me, yet you had sex with other guys when you only ever kissed me? Then I find out you were with Leon, and you tried to be with my Somebody <em>who you barely even know</em>!” Roxas was fierce as he listed his grievances, but then his shoulders slowly started to shake and tears began to fall, and Axel felt the meaning of true helplessness as he witnessed the devastating results of his own carelessness.</p><p>“Roxas, I know how it looks, but I didn’t care about any of them the way I care about you.”</p><p>“I remember when you told me right here, in this exact spot, that a kiss changed a relationship between two people forever. How many people have you kissed since then?” Roxas asked. He had stopped crying but his voice was still strained.</p><p>The truth was, Axel didn’t even know. There had been so many drunken nights at bars all over the worlds, and he’d gone home with whoever would take him. Should he admit it? Roxas spoke before he could decide.</p><p>“I knew it. You lied to me. You made me think I was special. I fell in love with you, and you made it seem like it was nothing to you.”</p><p>
  <em>Fell in love.</em>
</p><p>“You never told me you were in love with me before.”</p><p>“Well, it’s not like you told me either, not until Sora showed up,” Roxas replied. “I didn’t even know what love meant until I spent time with Sora. Before that everything I knew came from you. Being in Sora’s mind helped me learn about things I never knew existed.”</p><p>Axel felt the implications of this revelation sprout in his stomach and squirm their way into his heart and mind. Axel had tried to help Roxas by teaching him everything he knew, but Axel was a heartless and a Nobody, so everything he’d offered was broken and damaged. </p><p>“You’re right, Roxas. I think you would have been better off if you’d never met me. I’ve been so selfish only thinking about how much worse off I am without you.”</p><p>In a way, it made Axel’s next steps forward feel, if not easier, more resolute.</p><p>“All this time, I imagined we needed each other, that we were meant to be together, but now I see all the ways our relationship limited you, and I promise I won’t do that to you anymore. I was always trying to protect you from the Organization, but I should’ve protected you from myself too. I’m sorry it took me all this time to realize that.”</p><p>The sky was dark now, and the lights of the town had begun to sparkle below them. He remembered when that same sight used to delight him. Now it was just a miserable reminder of what once was.</p><p>Axel stood up to go before realizing he had to say one last thing even if it made Roxas upset because the thought of Roxas lonely and friendless was worse than Roxas hating him.</p><p>“I know you don’t want to hear this from me, but I hope you’ll think about responding to Sora’s letters.”</p><p>“Guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’d be looking out for him.”</p><p>“I’m looking out for both of you. He’s your Somebody. The two of you should be friends.”</p><p>“Why does everyone think I should be friends with him?! Just because he’s my Somebody doesn’t mean I like him.”</p><p>“I know you’re mad at him because of what happened between us, but he doesn’t think of me romantically at all now. We just want to be friends. He’s lonely, Roxas. He needs you.”</p><p><em>You need him too</em>,  Axel thought.</p><p>“<em>He</em> needs <em>me</em>?” Roxas scoffed. “He has everything I ever wanted - a family, friends, a home... then as if that wasn’t enough, he took you too.”</p><p>“He didn’t <em>take me</em>, okay? I’d still belong to you... if you wanted me,” Axel replied, his voice dwindling to a whisper. He was breathless, hoping against hope for the response he craved, even the slightest hint that there was still some affection for him hidden underneath the resentment.</p><p>“Axel, this is why we can’t be together,” Roxas sighed. “You always make it sound like such a good idea, and it never is.”</p><p>Axel breathed deeply, forcing himself to set aside the way these words made him feel in order to ask one final question, an important one.</p><p>“I just want to ask one more thing before I leave… Does your boyfriend treat you well?” Axel asked, hating to hear the word <em>boyfriend</em> applied to some unknown stranger instead of him.</p><p>Roxas looked surprised, but his response was self-assured. “Yes, he treats me very well.”</p><p>“I’m glad to hear that. That’s exactly what I needed to hear actually. Then I’m happy for you. I’m relieved to know that you’re safe and you have someone who’s good to you.”</p><p>There was a long pause before Roxas spoke again. “Why did you have to hook up with Sora of all people? While we were apart, I never kissed anyone or even thought about it. I was still always thinking about you.”</p><p>How could he possibly explain how reckless and stupid he had been? He could hardly understand it himself now that he had a heart.</p><p>“It wasn’t because I didn’t miss you. You left me, Roxas, and I don’t blame you, but… I didn’t know if you were ever coming back, and I didn’t have a heart to guide me.”</p><p>“How convenient for you.”</p><p>“I know, Roxas. There’s no excuse. You were always so good to me.”</p><p>He was surprised by the impact of his words. Roxas was gentle when he responded, “I should thank you for sacrificing your life to protect me."</p><p>“I owed it to you. I’d do anything for you. I know you said you think your life isn’t as exciting or interesting as Sora’s, but to me… I disagree. I’m so excited to see what you’ll do. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be amazing, and one day, if maybe we can be friends, I’d love to hear about it.”</p><p>From Roxas’s silence, he understood that even friendship was not a possibility, and that wounded him further, and he desperately wanted to leave, knowing he would break under the slightest blow if he stayed.</p><p>“I'll go now. The last thing I want is to get in the way of your happiness,” Axel said. He was not paying enough attention to notice the gooey remnants of the sea salt ice cream he’d dropped earlier before he stepped in them.</p><p>Axel was determined to just ignore the added embarrassment and keep walking, but he heard Roxas chuckle, and surprised, he turned to look at him. His smile was sweet and beautiful and for a moment Axel’s mind journeyed back to all the times they’d spent up here, talking, laughing, kissing. He was grateful, happy for those times. Roxas was a beautiful person, and Roxas had taught him how to love. That was something to be grateful for.</p><p>“Before I go, Roxas, I just want to say thank you for… being my friend. If you hadn’t come to the Organization, I would’ve died as their pawn, and no one would’ve missed me. If you hadn’t been brave enough to leave, I never would’ve left either. I wouldn’t have any friends or a future like I do now. I owe so much to you. You’re the reason I have a heart.”</p><p>Axel knew he was going to start crying if he kept talking like this, and he didn’t want to leave Roxas feeling bad for him. He wanted Roxas’s last memory of him to be a pleasant one.</p><p>He added the last part on a hopeful whim, his confidence boosted by the perfect way he’d just communicated what he really felt - finally.</p><p>“I know you probably don’t, but if you ever decide you want to, uh, see me, I’ll be living on Destiny Islands, and I’ll always be happy to see you. But I know - I don’t expect that you would, after everything...”</p><p>He braved a look at Roxas’s face and found his expression was unreadable, so he was surprised when he felt Roxas’s arms around him. Axel held him closely, memorizing every detail of the way it felt down to the sweet scent of his hair and the way it tickled his cheek as they embraced.</p><p>“I hope you’re happy too, Axel. I really do. I hope you have a great life,” Roxas assured him, and even though they were the sweetest words Roxas had offered Axel so far, he felt the hidden meaning behind them. Those words meant goodbye. He squeezed Roxas a little tighter before letting go.</p><p>“Bye Roxas.”</p><p>“Bye Axel.”</p><p>Was it just his imagination or did Roxas look disappointed? Wishful thinking, probably.</p><p>Axel made his way towards the stairs again with one final look back at Roxas, standing there in the glow of artificial light.</p><p>When he reached the bottom step, he opened a portal and tripped through it, landing harshly on the floor of his bedroom. He could not keep the sobs that escaped him quiet. Riku was there in moments, and Leon and Demyx quickly followed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hate when these two are apart :(</p><p>On another note, I'm curious if you have any guesses as to the identity of Roxas's new boyfriend. It's probably not who you think, but I would be mad impressed if you got it right...</p><p>In the next chapter, Axel takes Leon and Namine's advice and goes to see Lea. We also find out who Roxas is dating.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Lea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a head's up that I’m going to be introducing a few Final Fantasy characters in these last chapters. They are all minor characters, hence why they are not tagged, but if you're an FF fan, I hope you'll enjoy the cameos :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Days passed in devastation that turned to numbness. His friends diligently delivered three meals a day that Axel could rarely bring himself to eat. He knew he should be grateful - happy to be alive and comfortable, surrounded by friends in one of the most beautiful places he could imagine. He should be relieved that Roxas was safe and happy, yet the coldness in Roxas’s expression haunted him. Every one of his past mistakes felt magnified now that he had a heart, and the ways he had hurt Roxas tortured his recollection. He often wished that Namine had spared him his memories of the past so he would not know the unbearable suffering that plagued him night and day.</p><p>The misery continued for two weeks before his friends staged an intervention and gently urged Axel to at least show his face downstairs at dinner sometimes, insisting he needed to get out of his room. While Axel couldn’t deny the validity of their concerns, he had absolutely no idea how to move forward without the possibility of Roxas, and that made any action, no matter how small or mundane, feel daunting.</p><p>It was Namine who finally inspired him to leave the house.</p><p>“Axel, I really think you need to go see Lea,” she urged. She was sitting at the edge of his bed looking grave. Axel had no idea how pathetic he’d become until he saw it freshly reflected in the compassion in Namine’s eyes when she’d entered his room.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Namine, but that’s just another messed up area of my life that I don’t want to revisit. I want to forget the past. I even wish I could forget Roxas,” he choked, “But he’s all I can think about.”</p><p>“Roxas still cares about you.”</p><p>Axel shook his head. “You didn’t see his face, Namine, or hear what he said. He hates me. I knew he would be upset, but I never thought Roxas was capable of hating anyone. You knew him before - you knew how sweet and gentle he always was. He’s changed.<em> I</em> changed him. I made him cynical and bitter when he used to be so innocent.”</p><p>“Have you ever considered that it may be a good thing? Roxas can stand up for himself now. He’s stronger than he used to be and less naive. Experience doesn’t come without a cost, of course, but I assure you that Roxas’s cynicism doesn’t rest on your shoulders alone. You’ve both been through so much. The battle for Kingdom Hearts changed all of us, for better or worse.”</p><p>Her words calmed him, and he could see there was truth in them. It was good to be reminded that the world was bigger than him or Roxas or any of their troubles.</p><p>“Besides, it wasn’t all your fault, Axel. I was convinced that uniting Sora and Roxas was the right thing to do, but I didn’t see all the consequences it would have, and I’m very sorry for that.”</p><p>“I don’t blame you for anything, Namine,” he said, desperate to comfort her after all she’d done for him. “Maybe this is how things were supposed to end. Maybe… I don’t know. Maybe there’s someone else for me out there that I haven’t met yet,” he offered, the very idea repugnant to him. “Not that I really want to be with anyone else. I’m not over Roxas, not by a long shot.”</p><p>“Just go see Lea, please?” Namine suggested once more. “I don’t think you’ll regret it. I have a good feeling.”</p><p>Axel had seen glimpses of Namine’s abilities. She called them hunches or feelings instead of outright precognition, but all of her friends were convinced she knew more than she usually let on, particularly when it came to people connected to Roxas and Sora.</p><p>“What are you thinking, Axel?”</p><p>“I’ll do it.”</p><p>She smiled at him, and he felt reassured it was the right decision.</p><p>After Namine departed, Axel changed into real clothes and spiked his hair for the first time since that fateful day. He summoned a portal to Hollow Bastion before he could second-guess himself and walked the cobblestone streets to Lea’s home.</p><p>Axel already knew exactly where it was because he had studiously avoided it when he had lived in Hollow Bastion with Leon and Riku. It hadn’t been difficult since he’d rarely had cause to leave their headquarters, but he’d taken care when needed. There were too many bad memories that clawed at him from Lea’s past, none of them happy.</p><p>In the past couple weeks, Axel had started to draw dark parallels between the way Isa had treated Lea and the way Axel had treated Roxas. Isa manipulated Lea until he was desperate for Isa’s approval, until he lived for the nights Lea would deign to kiss him, all the while never noticing the ways that Isa had ruined his life. Isa was the one who had convinced Lea to join forces with Xemnas in the first place and started Lea and Axel down a dark path.</p><p>In the same way, Axel had positioned himself as the center of Roxas’s universe, shielding him from everyone else. As Demyx had accurately pointed out, he had not only isolated Roxas from his enemies, but also his potential friends. He had disposed of Zexion on Saix’s orders even though he was one of the few Organization members Roxas liked.</p><p>Without meaning to, he had made Roxas dependent on him for everything, and he had selfishly enjoyed having Roxas as his own. Yet the worst part was what he’d done after that. As soon as he had enticed Roxas into his web, he had started to become afraid of what he’d done. He began to realize that he was not prepared to be the only person in Roxas’s life. He was ill-equipped to care for someone so sweet and sensitive. As a result, he had withdrawn himself over time. He’d seen the disappointed look on Roxas’s face when he avoided him, but he’d done it anyway.</p><p>Then there was Lea. While his feeling for Isa were overwhelmingly negative, his feelings for his Somebody were more complicated. Before Roxas had joined the Organization, Axel existed to appease Saix and perform the will of the Organization. It always left him empty and hollow, and he hungered for more, for something deeper that he couldn’t name. That’s when he’d become obsessed with Lea.</p><p>He was jealous of his Somebody, mad that he got to live a real life, bitter that he had created Axel to suffer his fate at Saix’s cruel hands. He’d quite literally fantasized about killing Lea and taking everything he had, and he probably would have done it if he hadn’t also become obsessed with Lea’s girlfriend (now wife).</p><p>Even though Axel had never met her, he’d been seduced by her beauty, her tall and regal posture, the alluring way she dressed, and his obsession had only fueled his resentment towards Lea. How was Lea deserving of such a fantastic partner when Axel had nothing but memories of a past that didn’t belong to him and a future that he couldn’t change?</p><p>As he approached Lea’s house, he observed that they’d fixed the front window. Axel had seen them kissing one evening and had impulsively thrown a rock through the glass. He had been fairly sure they’d caught a glimpse of him before he quickly summoned a dark portal and escaped. Prior to breaking Roxas’s heart, that had been Axel’s lowest moment. He’d met Roxas shortly after and Lea and his wife had faded into the background.</p><p>Axel paused when he reached Lea’s front door, too nervous to knock (even though he’d broken inside on more than one occasion). He wondered if Lea was as curious about him as he was about Lea, or had his Somebody simply moved on with his life and forgotten all about him? Axel didn’t know if he was prepared for the answers, but he reminded himself that Namine wouldn’t have suggested he come here without a good reason.</p><p><em>Just knock</em>, he pushed himself. And he did, nervously tapping his index finger on the railing as he waited for Lea to open the door.</p><p>To his surprise, Lea’s <em>wife</em> appeared holding a stylish baby dressed in all black with a tiny pink bow on her head. The baby was a definite surprise.</p><p>Axel felt a flutter of the old attraction he’d had for Lea’s wife rise in his chest. She looked striking with long, black braids cascading from a bun. Her bangs framed a face decorated with dark makeup and purple lipstick. The fur that lined her collar dipped into ample breasts that Axel had to actively stop himself from staring at. His eyes fluttered to hers, and they were no less intoxicating than everything else about her. Her gaze was intense as she examined Axel with a frown.</p><p>“You know, it took months after you threw that rock through our window before Lea finally told me who you were? But I’m more persistent than he is patient, I guess. Come in. Axel, right? I’m Lulu.”</p><p>He followed her inside, down a narrow hallway that led to a small living room that was pleasantly disorganized. Each of the two mismatched side tables by the black couch were piled with books and baby toys and uncleaned coffee cup rings. Behind it were floor-to-ceiling bookshelves displaying books with mystical symbols and what Axel suspected were voodoo dolls. It was cozy and creepy at the same time, and Axel loved it.</p><p>A little white dog bounded over to him, and he hesitantly bent down to pet her. It had been a long time since he’d been around animals, and he felt a little overwhelmed by the appearance of the dog along with everything else.</p><p>As Axel worried, he could see that Lulu remained poised and calm. He found it off-putting instead of comforting.</p><p>“Have a seat,” Lulu offered, pointing to the armchair by the side of the couch. The dog followed him dutifully, cuddling up in the small space at his side.</p><p>“Actually, do you mind holding Ara for a second? I have to get the laundry out,” Lulu asked.</p><p>“Ara,” Lulu cooed, adopting a baby voice. It was quite a surprise coming from the mouth of someone who looked like a gothic punk princess.</p><p>“Axel, this is Aranea, Ara for short. Ever held a baby before?”</p><p>“No,” Axel said, shaking his head emphatically to indicate that under no circumstances should she trust him with a baby.</p><p>“Dear god, you’re just like Lea,” she rolled her eyes. “It’s a baby, not a bomb. She’s old enough to hold her head up. Just make sure she doesn’t fall over.”</p><p>“Uhhhh… do I have to?” Axel asked, chiding himself for sounding like a disobedient child.</p><p>“You might as well learn now.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Well, won’t you be coming to see us often? I figured since your Lea’s Nobody you’d want to get to know us. Now that you have a heart, I’m not as worried about having you around as I used to be.”</p><p>Axel stared at her blankly. A relationship with Lea, his wife, <em>and</em> their baby was not at all what he had planned.</p><p>“Why are you here?” she asked when he remained silent.</p><p>“My friend Namine suggested it.”</p><p>“Ah, Leon mentioned her.”</p><p>“You know Leon?”</p><p>“He stopped by the house to tell us you and Roxas were okay. It was a huge relief. After Lea got your memories, we were both so worried. We thought you might both be dead, and… it was a very tough time for him,” she finished, and Axel could finally see a hint of softness breach her tough exterior.</p><p>Lea was worried about him and Roxas? Hard to imagine. Axel felt desperately uncomfortable and would do damn near anything to leave and forget he’d ever come.</p><p>“Listen Axel, I know Lea wants you to be part of our lives, Ara’s too. He wants you to be like family.”</p><p>Axel panicked at the very notion.</p><p>“Damn, you are so much like him,” Lulu commented. “I take it back. I don’t think I could even handle both of you.”</p><p>“What do you mean by that?”</p><p>“Lea freaked out at the idea of having a family too. Perhaps I should say you’re both terrified at the idea of familial responsibility. I suppose your parents weren’t the best,” she shrugged.</p><p>It was true. Lea had been an afterthought growing up. Isa had shown more guidance to him than his own mother and father. He’d certainly spent more time with his best friend than his parents ever spent with him.</p><p>“It’s not as bad as you think though,” Lulu assured him. “We’re laid back around here. Lea’s warmed up to family life. I don’t think there’s anything he wouldn’t do for us,” she mused, and he saw another glimmer of tenderness in her expression. He also felt a stirring in his heart, a yearning for the idea of it. A real family.</p><p>“Just think about it,” she said, handing him Ara before he could protest.</p><p>“Uh shit - I mean, sorry. Am I doing it right?” he asked as he held the baby up so she was standing on his knee.</p><p>“Crushing it,” she said with the hint of a smile and a little wink. Axel felt weak from the warmth of her affection. It was remarkable how different she was from Roxas, but he could easily tell why Lea liked her.</p><p>He heard the baby murmur something unintelligible and turned to look at her. She was wide-eyed as she reached for his hair and giggled as it tickled her face. Axel smiled, totally charmed. Babies were alright.</p><p>“Hi Ara,” he said, and the baby buried her face in his chest.</p><p>Lulu returned with a batch of laundry. “Oh wow. That’s honestly - and I don’t use this word a lot - pretty cute. Think she likes you.”</p><p>Axel blushed and felt a few moments of calm before Lulu hit him with what she asked next.</p><p>“What happened to Roxas? I know he left Destiny Islands, but that’s the last I heard.”</p><p>Axel hesitated. Even if he wanted to talk about it, he wasn’t sure where to begin. How much of the story did Lulu know already? Since Lea had Axel’s memories, it was possible she knew everything, and the idea filled him with fresh shame.</p><p>“Listen, Axel. I’m not about to give you a hard time. Lea told me the whole story, and I feel bad for both of you. I know what the Organization is like, and I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you. We did our part to fight them too. Well, until I got pregnant. Still, it was important to Lea to fight against Xemnas and Saix. He had so many regrets, including creating you, though he sees you differently now than he once did. He’s impressed - in awe, really - of the fact that you defected from the Organization and fought for the right side. I feel the same. It was a relief to us both to know you made something of yourself.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, it took me long enough to get there,” Axel insisted, feeling that her assessment, though sweet, was not really deserved. Lea couldn’t have told her everything or she wouldn’t be saying that.</p><p>They both turned as they heard someone open the front door.</p><p>Lea walked into the living room. Axel had half-forgotten Lea lived here between the deep discussion with Lulu and surprise of the baby, and he saw his own feeling of shock mirrored on his Somebody’s face.</p><p>Lea looked nearly identical to him, but he had dyed his hair black, and he wore it shoulder-length and a little messy as opposed to Axel’s meticulous spikes. He had a smattering of tattoos on his arms now and was wearing black skinny jeans and a loose black shirt that was cropped to reveal his toned stomach. He was kinda ripped. He looked honestly pretty hot and definitely very cool, and Axel momentarily considered changing his own look before remembering something akin to <em>Oh shit, that’s Lea</em>. <em>What the hell do I say to him?</em></p><p>Lea looked from Axel to Ara who was now reaching for her dad. Lea looked at his daughter helplessly before directing pleading eyes to Lulu.</p><p>“Why don’t I take Ara and give you two some time?” Lulu offered.</p><p>“No!” they both said in unison.</p><p>Lulu laughed for the first time since Axel had met her before returning to her usual deadpan expression. She scooped up Ara before Axel could resist. “Ara and I are going on a walk.”</p><p>Axel noticed the desperate look Lea gave Lulu. Did Axel pout that much? Seemed a little dramatic watching someone else do it.</p><p>Lea sat as Lulu left, and not a word was spoken for an unbearably long time. Eventually, they both scratched the backs of their heads in almost perfect unison, spoke at the same time, then laughed.</p><p>Lea pushed through the awkward moment to say “Axel, you know I always meant to… well, I’m glad you’re here because...I always wondered what happened to you.”</p><p>“Thanks,” was all he managed in response, still feeling the shock of having someone he had fixated on for so many years right in front of him.</p><p>Lea continued, “Now that I have all your memories, I feel horrible for everything you went though. I should’ve known how bad the Organization would become, but it even surprised me. I can’t believe I did all that just for fucking Isa.”</p><p>Lea’s vulnerability took him by surprise, and while he had expected to be bitter at his Somebody, he felt a rush of sympathy for him instead. He knew too well what Isa had been like.</p><p>“Do you and Isa still talk?” Axel asked.</p><p>“Hell no! I spent my time during the war trying to take him down, and he retreated to god knows where when everything ended. Fucking coward. I can’t believe all the years I wasted chasing after him. It’s embarrassing, especially now that I have Lulu... He’s nothing compared to Saix though,” Lea finished apologetically.</p><p>“My life hasn’t been all bad, Lea, just so you know. I have some amazing friends for starters.”</p><p>“That’s true,” Lea nodded. “You know, I think I got a taste of my own medicine when I got your memories. I was jealous of all the rad people you know. I’d love to have more friends. It was always only Isa, and now it’s only Lulu.”</p><p>It was strange indeed to imagine Axel had something Lea <em>didn’t</em> after spending so much time being jealous of his Somebody.</p><p>“I’m almost afraid to ask,” Lea began, “But I have to know what happened to him. Have you seen him since you got back?”<br/><br/>Axel appreciated how he avoided saying his name. It hurt sometimes to hear it. Lea must know the feeling.</p><p>“I saw him, and it was horrible, Lea. He hates me, and he’s not going to forgive me. He essentially told me he never wants to see me again. Doesn’t even want to be friends.” Axel felt his voice grow weak.</p><p>“Fuck,” Lea groaned. “I was afraid of that. I tried to find him, you know. I wanted to make sure he was okay. I care about him too, just for the record. But who wouldn’t? He’s such a nice guy.”</p><p>Axel was warmed by Lea’s approval of Roxas and his understanding of Roxas’s true nature. It also felt good to know his Somebody approved of the person Axel loved most. Not that it mattered considering Roxas was gone from his life forever.</p><p>“What’s he up to?” Lea asked.</p><p>Axel explained everything he knew about Roxas’s life, and Lea took it all in stride, interjecting only to insist that they could patch things up until Axel mentioned Roxas’s mysterious boyfriend.</p><p>“Well, we gotta find out who this guy is, right?” Lea insisted, “Let’s go to Twilight Town.”</p><p>“What? Now?”</p><p>“Yes now! Don’t you want to know who he’s dating?”</p><p>“No, Lea! I promised I wouldn’t bother him. That’s the opposite of not bothering him.”</p><p>“I’ll go by myself then. You won’t be bothering him, <em>I</em> will. And I’ll be gone for 15 minutes tops. If I can’t figure it out, I’ll go back another time.”</p><p>Damn his Somebody for being as persistent as Axel was.</p><p>“What if he sees you?” Axel asked.</p><p>“I look different enough, don’t I?”</p><p>“Ehhh.”</p><p>“C’mon Axel. How do you think you were able to hide from Sora all that time without getting caught?”</p><p>“Because I’m good at being a stalker.”</p><p>“No, because <em>I’m</em> good at it. Face it. You learned it all from me, bro.”</p><p>His mischievous grin was infectious. Was this how Axel looked when he was about to do something he shouldn’t? Did he look this damn giddy and pleased with himself?</p><p>Well, yeah obviously, since he could feel the same smile growing on his own face. He had to admit he was dying to know. Maybe Lea was right.</p><p>“If he sees you, you’re dead to me,” Axel said, prompting a satisfied smirk from Lea.</p><p>“These portals are sweet by the way,” Lea said as he summoned one. “I’d have to say that knowing how to do this was unequivocally the best part of getting your memories. Oh fuck! Nevermind. It was your memories of Leon, dear god. Jacked off to those on more than one occasion. It’s been so long since I’ve hooked up with a dude.”</p><p>Axel rolled his eyes but grinned nonetheless.</p><p>“Oh fuck me,” Lea added. “I forgot to mention that couple from Traverse Town - don’t even get me started on them. When she was bent over the–“</p><p>Axel’s personal satisfaction was coupled with a hint of guilt. “Can we not talk about it?” Seeing the disappointed look on Lea’s face, he added, “I’m glad you don’t have cause to regret those nights, but I do.”</p><p>“C’mon man - you really regret <em>that</em>?”</p><p>“If it would’ve made the difference between being with Roxas or not, I’d have given it all up.”</p><p>“Sorry, Ax. I understand, but just… don’t think it’s all over with Roxas yet.”</p><p>“Easy for you to say. You didn’t see how upset he was. I’ve never seen him like that.”</p><p>Lea sighed. “Just give me 15 minutes. Let’s just see what we’re up against, yeah?”</p><p>“We?”</p><p>“C’mon. I’m invested now. Besides, I owe you one. Let me help you out. I’ll be every bit as careful as you would be.”</p><p>“That’s what makes me nervous,” Axel grinned as Lea walked through the portal.</p><p>The second he was gone, Axel regretted it. If Roxas found out he was sending Lea to spy on him, he’d - well, come to think of it, Roxas and he were over. Roxas had already said he didn’t want to be with him. There was no hope for him anyway, so what did it really matter if Roxas caught Lea? It wasn’t possible to make things worse.</p><p>But even as he tried to convince himself he didn’t, he still cared, and every minute was torture as he awaited Lea’s return.</p><p>His Somebody appeared wide-eyed and incredulous.</p><p>“What, Lea? Is he okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s just… the guy he’s dating… I did <em>not</em> expect,” he said as he took a seat. “It’s the strangest thing. He’s like the farthest person from us I could imagine.”</p><p>“Roxas didn’t see you?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Who is it?”</p><p>“He’s a short guy, plump, wears a headband thingy and a jersey... spiky dark hair, probably, er, late teens, early twenties?”</p><p><em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>“Pence?! Roxas is dating <em>Pence</em>?!”</p><p>“You know him? Shit, I’m sorry, Axel.”</p><p>Axel deflated slowly as he remembered what details he could of seeing Pence in Twilight Town. From what he could recall, Pence was very sweet and kind, probably had never broken a rule in his life. He was very much like Roxas in that way. Lea couldn’t have said it better. Roxas had chosen to be with Axel’s exact opposite in temperament and appearance.</p><p>“You okay, Axel? If it’s any consolation, you could run circles around that kid. He’s not Roxas’s type at all.”</p><p>“That’s the thing, Lea. I think he <em>is</em>. He’s a really nice guy from what I can remember.”</p><p>“Yeah, but I always got the impression Roxas had a rebellious streak.”</p><p>Axel smiled at Lea’s intimate knowledge of Roxas despite never having actually met him. “Yeah, he did. Come to think of it, he always made me do the rebelling for him,” he laughed, “But the impulse was there.”</p><p>“Aw man, you’ve got it bad. Just the way you look when you talk about him,” Lea sighed.</p><p>Axel took a deep breath before he continued. “Do you think maybe Roxas was always supposed to be with a guy like Pence? I mean, it makes more sense than Roxas and I do. Maybe it was just a fluke, the two of us meeting, and if we had met any place else, if I hadn’t been Roxas’s only option, he would’ve never wanted to be with me.”</p><p>“Please, Axel. You know that guy must be boring as fuck, right? There’s no way he’s half the lover you are. I bet Roxas still thinks about you when he… you know,” Lea winked. “I’m sure you’re like his guilty pleasure.”</p><p>Axel laughed at that, heartily, like he hadn’t laughed in a long time, and Lea joined in. It dawned on Axel that while everyone else tried to cheer him up with deep and tender sentiments about his and Roxas’s compatibility, no one else had been able to make him see a flicker of humor in the situation, and it felt good to laugh about it.</p><p>“Lea, I’m really glad I came here. I’ll admit that I was not looking forward to seeing you again, but now I… Well, I’d definitely like to come around more often if - if that’s cool with you?”</p><p>“Yeah, man. Lulu and I already talked about it. We want you to be part of our lives. You can be like my little brother.”</p><p>“The fuck? Why am <em>I</em> the little brother? Technically we’re the same age.”</p><p>“Noooo way. Technically I’m 24 and you’re what? Like three or four years old?”</p><p>Axel was going to protest, but he was laughing too hard to do so effectively.</p><p>They talked late into the night, reflecting on their shared pasts well after Lulu and Ara got home. They retreated to the backyard where they passed a flask back and forth and spoke freely, eventually joining their past identities into a comfortable <em>we</em> as they reminisced.</p><p>Lulu came out around midnight in her pajamas, looking bleary-eyed and borderline murderous.</p><p>“Could you two shut the hell up? If Ara wakes up, I’ll murder you both and claim the insurance money,” she deadpanned.</p><p>Axel wasn’t even sure whether or not she was joking, and Lea just saluted her with a quiet “You got it.”</p><p>“I love her,” Axel confessed after she shut the porch door behind her.</p><p>“Yeah, well, she’s not as sweet as Roxas,” Lea joked.</p><p>“No one’s as sweet as Roxas.”</p><p>“Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. Just find it funny that we ended up with two people so different."</p><p>“You forget I haven’t ended up with anyone,” Axel said, before adding a conciliatory, “But don’t worry about it, Lea. Seriously, I’m good.”<br/><br/>And Axel almost believed it as he said goodnight and promised to stop by to see the three of them again soon. He was full of hope and good cheer from their conversation. It was great to be connected to his past and have the promise of a family.</p><p>It was when the “winner” popsicle stick fell out of his pocket as he was undressing that his melancholy returned. Roxas was dating someone who Axel could not compete with, and he had to concede it. It was time to move on.</p><p>Yet when he went to place the popsicle stick in his bedside drawer, he paused. He’d been carrying it in his pocket every day for over a year now. He placed it on his nightstand instead, and the next morning, he put it right back in his pocket.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I love the next chapter so much, I don't want to give too much away, but if you appreciate some Axel and Sora bonding, there will be much for you to enjoy! There will also be some news for my Sora/Riku shippers :D</p><p>If anyone has played FFX, I threw Wakka out in favor of Lea - I'm sorry! I just love the idea of a cute little alternative punk family for Axel to join. Axel holding a baby makes me weak 🥺</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Matchmaking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel settled into life on Destiny Island quicker than he’d expected. No one spoke of Roxas. In fact, Axel felt like he was in good company since all of his closest friends were pining after their unrequited loves (even though Demyx and Leon were suffering needlessly, a fact Axel liked to remind Leon of often). He started to visit Lea’s family at least once a week, and they allowed him peace and silence when it came to the subject of Roxas, though he could sense Lea struggled not to bring him up. </p><p>Axel had also returned to an old hobby. He had been reluctant to tell Demyx that Lea had dabbled with the guitar since he <em> knew </em> Demyx would insist he join the band, but Leon had slowly convinced him it was a good idea, and now playing bass was his favorite thing to do. Though Axel hadn’t practiced since becoming a Nobody, he yearned for a distraction and picked it up easily, practicing for hours upon hours every day to the point of obsession.</p><p>When he got good enough, they started to play together, and that’s when the magic started to happen. It turned out Leon and Demyx were an excellent songwriting duo. Demyx would compose the music and Leon would write the lyrics, and Axel and Tifa would play tiebreaker when their opinions diverged. Axel found he quite enjoyed the process of honing his craft. The promise of their first live show, even though it was just at the local bar, gave him something to look forward to, and he found the new excitement distracted him from memories of Roxas.</p><p>It was also gratifying to watch the romance between Demyx and Leon bloom. It happened so slowly that if he hadn’t had loads of free time and strong voyeuristic tendencies, he might have missed it - the subtle looks they gave each other, the delight Demyx took in stealing a pen out of Leon’s hand just to have an excuse to touch him. While it made his heart ache for Roxas sometimes, most of the time, it just made him very happy. </p><p>“Leon, <em> when </em> are you going to make a move?”</p><p>“Axel, we’ve had this discussion <em> too </em> many times.”</p><p>“Because you never act on it!”</p><p>“Well, if he would say something, it might make it easier, but he hasn’t given any indication-”</p><p>Axel interrupted. “<em> No </em> indication?! Have you seen the way he looks at you when we’re practicing? He sure as hell doesn’t look at me or Tifa like that. Oh! Or how close he insists on sitting next to you whenever you’re writing a song together or -”</p><p>“He’s just <em> comfortable </em> with me because we’ve been friends for so long,” Leon protested, but Axel could tell he looked a little too pleased by Axel’s suggestions to completely discredit him.</p><p>“I know you wrote that song about him.”</p><p>“Which song?” Leon asked even though he knew damn well.</p><p>“Our one and only love song.”</p><p>“Well, Demyx wrote the music.”</p><p>“Huh, wonder who his inspiration could’ve been?” Axel rolled his eyes. “Listen the fuck up, Leon.  Tonight is our first real show. We’ll all be on a high afterwards. Just find him backstage and <em>kiss</em> him. I promise you, he won’t resist. In fact, he might just whip his di-”</p><p>“Hey guys!” Demyx exclaimed, popping his head in the door. “Are you almost ready?”</p><p>“Almost. Which one do you like? This,” Leon said, then taking off his shirt to try on another. “Or this?” Axel noted how obvious it was that Demyx was checking Leon out. In fact, it was <em> so </em> distracting to the blonde that he didn’t even see the satisfied smirk on Axel’s face as he watched it happen. </p><p>They hurried out the door and rushed to the bar where they were to perform. It was a little dicey, but they’d all seen bands perform there before, and the place seemed to attract enthusiastic and generous crowds of locals. Still, Axel was reassured to see Sora, Riku, and Namine in the audience. </p><p>As the lights dimmed and the first song began, Axel learned what it meant to feel invincible. The adrenaline rush was all-consuming as the audience danced and head-banged to the hypnotic rhythm of the drums and sitar, all set to Tifa’s incredible voice. Axel noticed his eyes lingering on their lead singer every now and then. He’d always thought she was attractive, never more so than when she sang. Of course, it was only a casual observation since she’d been dating Namine for months. Mostly, Axel found himself disinterested in the subject of sex except where the love lives of his friends were concerned.</p><p>The show was amazing, and the huge smiles on his friend’s faces all matched his own as they gathered in a cozy little room backstage where they were joined by Namine. Axel took this as a good sign, hoping Riku was making some progress now that he was forced to spend time with Sora. Leon disappeared soon after, and Axel went in search of him and found him pacing in a back alley by a dumpster. </p><p>“The fuck are you doing, Leon?”</p><p>“I’m thinking.”</p><p>“No! No! Don’t think. Just <em> do </em>.”</p><p>“Demyx and I are in a band together. Isn’t that always a bad idea?”</p><p>“Who fucking cares?” Axel threw his hands in the air. He couldn’t handle one more second of this. </p><p>He returned inside to find Demyx downing a shot. “Hey Demyx, Leon is waiting for you outside. Says he has something he wants to tell you.”</p><p>Demyx gave him a look both pleased and mildly skeptical before taking his exit. </p><p>Axel tried to listen through the door but found the music from the bar was too loud. He gave up but stayed close so he could gauge their faces when they returned. </p><p>“Are those two finally going to get together?” Tifa asked. </p><p>He sat next to her. “Nah, doubt it. They’ll probably just talk about record labels or sitar riffs and disappoint us all.”</p><p>He looked at Namine to see if her eyes would reveal any secrets, but she looked away.</p><p>“I’m not saying a word,” she insisted, but the hint of a smile was all he needed. </p><p>He grinned. “They seriously owe me for life.”</p><p>A great deal of time passed before the two of them returned, and Axel waited happily, imagining what mischief was occurring on the other side of the door. They came back with the sappiest of grins on their faces, and Leon made an excuse about needing to use the restroom, so Axel followed him.</p><p>“Tell me everything.”</p><p>“C’mon, Axel.”</p><p>“You don’t think I’ve earned it? I will <em>never get back</em> all the time I spent on you two!”</p><p>“He just came outside, and he told me what you said, that I had something to tell him, which is <em> so </em> juvenile by the way-”</p><p>“Don’t you <em> dare </em> criticize my methods! So ungrateful.”</p><p>“Whatever,” Leon grinned. “And then I sort of just… attacked him? A little bit.”</p><p>Axel laughed. “I can picture it so clearly in my head. And obviously he liked it?”</p><p>Leon blushed. </p><p>“Were you guys fucking back there?”</p><p>“No,” Leon scoffed. </p><p>“If you don’t tell me, Demyx will.”</p><p>“He gave me a hand job, and I kind of need to clean up. Would you get the fuck out now, <em> please </em>?”</p><p>Axel embraced Leon and kissed his cheek. “<em> Now </em> I will get out. Next round is on me.”</p><p>He returned to find Riku sitting alone. </p><p>“Where’s Sora?”</p><p>“Said he had to leave early and told me to tell you the show was great.”</p><p>“Where’d he go?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Riku shrugged. “I thought tonight went pretty well with him. It was kind of like old times, you know? I don’t know… I think he might like me.”</p><p>Axel perked up. “And why do you say that?”</p><p>“It's hard to explain.”</p><p>“Well, I like the sound of that... So what did you think of the show?”</p><p>“It was amazing, Axel. Really. I’m happy for you."</p><p>Axel smiled. “You’ll work things out with Sora. Oh and by the way, Demyx and Leon got together tonight, proving there’s hope even for the most hopeless cases. Got it memorized?”</p><p>One down, one to go.</p><hr/><p>After that night, everything happened very quickly. It was a smattering of new shows followed by hearing their songs on the radio. The excitement was palpable in their household these days. When Demyx and Leon started sharing a bedroom, Tifa and Namine moved in, giving them an even fuller house and more time to practice. Riku and Axel spent a lot of time together, brought closer by their shared loneliness. Sora had stopped coming around as much with little explanation, much to their joint disappointment. </p><p>Then one afternoon, Axel opened the door to find a weak and pale Sora who immediately wrapped his arms around him and started to cry.</p><p>“Sora, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“I-I got kicked out,” he said through sobs. “By my own parents. I have nowhere to live.”</p><p>“You’ll live with us, of course,” Axel assured him. It had the unintended effect of making Sora weep harder. Axel didn’t know whether or not to ask the reason, afraid of making Sora feel worse. </p><p>“It’s because I told them I was dating Tidus,” he admitted weakly. “Is Riku here?”</p><p>“No sorry, everyone’s gone,” Axel apologized, still in shock. “Who’s Tidus?”</p><p>Sora didn’t answer, just held him and cried for a long time. He eventually coaxed him to the back porch where they stayed for the better part of an hour. Axel got a few more details on Tidus and decided he did not approve - not that he would honestly approve of anyone dating Sora. Hell, he even had his reservations about Riku because he was such a pain in the ass, but he had to concede they were very cute together (when Riku wasn’t making things weird).</p><p>After a lull in the conversation, Sora stared at his lap and spoke softly, “Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone? And you’ll promise you won’t tell?” </p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“I know I said I’m dating Tidus and everything, but we aren’t that serious, and the truth is… I like Riku, and not just as a friend.</p><p>Axel was glad Sora didn’t look up to see the smile creeping onto his face. He managed to turn his expression back into a concerned frown as Sora eyed him helplessly.</p><p>“Sora, I already knew that.”</p><p>“Really? How did you even know I liked guys?”</p><p>“Well, Roxas for one, and two because you kissed me and seemed to like it.” He felt a bit awkward admitting it since they usually avoided the subject, but he powered on. “Besides, you were always talking about him, pretty much constantly from the second I started following you.”</p><p>“Right,” Sora sighed. “Well, I know it’s hopeless.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I’m sure he’s interested in women, and he’ll think it’s wrong that I’m not. I’ve heard him make comments about it before. That’s why I didn’t even tell him about Tidus. I don’t want to lose him as a friend.”</p><p>Axel nodded, aching to reveal what he knew about Riku, but holding back because he’d sworn to keep Riku’s secret too. “Maybe he’s not as opposed to the idea as you think. I mean, he’s living in a household of gays now, so…” Sora looked unconvinced, so he changed the subject, “Why didn’t you tell me before?”</p><p>“Guess I just wasn’t ready yet. Even if it’s normal where you come from, it’s not normal here, and I spent so long insisting I wasn’t… <em> gay </em> that I felt a little embarrassed.”</p><p>“Hey, it’s totally cool, Sora. We all went through the same thing in one way or the other. Thankfully you’re about to move into the gayest household this side of the galaxy,” he smiled, and Sora offered a slight smile back. “You’ll fit right in.”</p><p>“You really think I can move in? Where will I sleep?”</p><p>“You can have my room. I’ll sleep on the couch or something. I literally don’t care. I can sleep anywhere,” he finished proudly.</p><p>“Hah, I know that’s true. But you really wouldn’t mind?”</p><p>“Not at all, Sora. I just feel bad that my room is a wreck. I’ll clean it for you. You’re like legitimately the only person in the world that could convince me to clean up after myself.”</p><p>“What if Riku thinks it’s weird? I probably need to tell him, right? But I don’t want to change the way he feels about me… Promise me you won’t say anything?” Sora begged.</p><p><em> Of course I have to say something to Riku! Fuck. </em>This torture was worse than he’d experienced at the hands of the Organization.  He sighed. “I promise… but you should tell him sooner rather than later. He’s your best friend. He’ll understand.”</p><p>“Ugh,” Sora groaned. He slumped over in his chair, his defeated posture making him appear as though he were all dangling arms and legs.</p><p>“You know I’ve never had a drink before, like a real<em> drink </em>,” Sora observed.</p><p>“Bad idea. Now would not be the best time to start…”</p><p>“Why not?” Sora asked.</p><p>The truth was, Axel <em> always </em>drank when he was sad. Less now than he used to, but still frequently enough to have a formidable tolerance. Sweet little innocent Sora should be different.</p><p>“Just one?” Sora pleaded. His tender blue eyes looked so desperate and reminded him too much of someone else. </p><p>“Fine. Just one.”</p><p>Axel lost count eventually, but it was definitely more than one. He hadn’t intended to get drunk too, but Sora was so delightfully loopy after the first drink that Axel was entirely at the mercy of his charms. He happily followed Sora on his journey to blissful unawareness. Now they were laughing on the beach with a flask of coconut rum, sand between their toes, slightly sunburnt faces, and all smiles as Riku appeared looking perplexed.</p><p>“Rikuuuuu!” Sora shouted, pulling his hand down and forcing him to sit.</p><p>“Hi Sora,” Riku said with a happy but perplexed expression. </p><p>“You know what we were laughing about just now? Remember the time you-“ Sora interrupted himself with a cascade of laughter, clutching Axel’s arm for support. Axel couldn’t help but join him. Riku looked at them sternly, and Axel attempted to be serious, but the alcohol coursing through him had glued a permanent grin to his face.</p><p>“I can’t remember what I was going to say,” Sora said before bursting into laughter again.</p><p>Riku was clearly annoyed that he was not in on the joke. <em> Don’t be upset! He’s in love with you! </em> Axel wanted to scream. Keeping this secret might be the death of him.</p><p>“Sora’s just been sharing stories of your childhood, and I shared some of mine too. Well, <em> Lea’s </em> technically, but you know how it works.”</p><p>Sora handed the flask to Riku. “Do you drink?”</p><p>“Not really.”</p><p>“Well, you should take a sip before I tell you what I’m about to tell you,” Sora insisted, suddenly looking grave.</p><p>Riku directed a concerned look to Axel who couldn’t help but grin back at him despite Sora’s earnestness.</p><p>“I got kicked out of the house,” Sora confessed.</p><p>“What? Really?”</p><p>Sora nodded, but didn’t say anything else for some time. </p><p>“But why?” Riku asked.</p><p>“Ughhh,” Sora groaned, “Axel, can you tell him? I thought the drinks would make it easy peasy,” he squeaked. “I’m gonna go for-a walk while you tell him,” he murmured, stumbling up and away.</p><p>“We’ll keep an eye on him,” Axel responded to Riku’s worried look. “Riku, I’m about to make your day. I’m actually glad we get to talk alone, so I can be the one to tell you... <em> Sora was kicked out for dating Tidus!” </em>he finished with a huge smile on his face.</p><p>Riku went pale. “Tidus? <em> That’s </em> who Sora’s dating?”</p><p>“Riku! Don’t get hung up on such a tiny, unimportant detail! It’s not about <em> Tidus </em> . He’s old news. It’s about Sora dating <em> a guy </em>, and that means you could be next! Just go tell him how you feel. I’ll be right here while you do it,” Axel insisted as he glanced at Sora who was crouched down staring at something in the sand. Maybe he’d had a couple too many drinks. Axel felt a twinge of guilt that was sedated as he took another sip from the flask.</p><p>“Tidus was one of our childhood friends too,” Riku fretted. "Do you think he’s been fantasizing about Tidus all this time I’ve been in love with him? <em> Why does Tidus get to live out my childhood dreams </em>?! Do you think they’ve kissed?”</p><p>“Ehhhh,” was all Axel managed. Of course they had, but he wasn’t going to say it. He needed to redirect Riku’s energy to the future without explicitly telling him what Sora had revealed. </p><p>“Riku-“</p><p>“I was supposed to be his first kiss!” Riku groaned. </p><p>Technically <em> Axel </em>had been Sora’s first kiss, but he felt he shouldn’t bring that up either.</p><p>“Riku, it doesn’t matter that he’s with Tidus! I’m sure you care about him more than that guy does. Why don’t you just tell him how you feel, and- oh fuck,” Axel exclaimed as he looked behind Riku to find Sora lying oh his back in the sand. Axel hadn’t noticed if he’d fallen over or assumed this position purposely, but he’d better find out. He rushed to Sora’s side to find him staring at the sky.</p><p>“Iz he mad?” Sora slurred, staring up at Axel from the ground.</p><p>“No, he’s - everything’s fine,” Axel insisted, but he wasn’t convincing. If only he could tell Sora the <em> real </em>reason Riku was upset. “Just stay here, Sora. I’m gonna go get Riku,” he offered, but he turned around to see that Riku was out of sight, and he knew he couldn’t leave Sora alone in his present state.</p><p>“Okay,” Axel advised with forced calm, “Riku’s gone, but it’s no big deal. He’ll come around. Let’s say you and I go for a walk?”</p><p>“I don’t wanna get up,” Sora mumbled. He sounded so deflated Axel couldn’t bring himself to push the issue further.</p><p>He lay down next to Sora instead and stared up at the clouds himself. After a prolonged silence, Sora said, “Axel, I wouldn’t be here if not for you.”</p><p>Axel was quick to apologize but Sora stopped him, “No, iz a good thing cause if you hadn’t kissed me, I don’t think I woulda known that I was interested in guys, but now I think it all makes senz I’ve always been in love with Riku,” he stuttered before starting to cry.</p><p>Axel helped him sit up and put an arm around him.</p><p>“Sora, I know it’s been tough with your parents and all, but no matter what happens, I’ll always be there for you. And you know Leon and Demyx will too. All of us, we know what you’re going through. We’ve all had negative experiences, but it’s worth it to be honest, I promise.”</p><p>Sora scooted closer and lay his head on Axel’s knee. “I wonder what Roxas iz gonna say.”</p><p>Axel felt a flutter of excitement hearing Roxas’s name for the first time in a while. It took him a second to process Sora’s words. “You've been talking to Roxas?”</p><p>“I’m not supposed to tell you, but yeah. I left him a message on his phone. I’m worried what he’s gonna think.”</p><p> “Well, obviously he won’t care. I mean, he’s dating a guy. He dated me.”</p><p>“I knowwww,” Sora groaned, “I just still worry, okay?”</p><p>Axel put an arm around him. He was a very adorable drunk. “I understand, but you’ve really got nothing to worry about.”</p><p>“What do you think of Pence?” Sora asked. </p><p>“I think they make sense together,” Axel admitted. “Roxas is a sweet person, and Pence is a sweet person. I bet they’re happy together.”</p><p>“But don’t you think Roxas should be with you?”</p><p>Axel felt his stomach lurch. It had been a while since he’d been asked about Roxas. Sora sat up and looked at him. </p><p>“Uhh… I’d <em> like </em> for him to be with me, but I don’t think he <em> should </em> be with me.”</p><p>“Are you still in love with Roxas?”</p><p>Axel nodded, waiting for Sora say something. When he didn’t, Axel added, “Why did you ask?”</p><p>“Can we go back to the house? I’m hungry,” Sora responded, haphazardly standing up.</p><p>“Sure,” Axel agreed, still feeling shaken.</p><p>Axel guided Sora to the front door and up the steps. He opened the door to find Roxas sitting on the couch. Axel felt strangely sick, like he might throw up, and all he could do was stare. </p><p>Roxas glanced at Axel, but approached Sora instead.</p><p>“You’re here!” Sora exclaimed with amazed smile </p><p>“I was really worried when you called," Roxas replied, "I got here a while ago, but I saw you on the beach and wasn’t sure-“</p><p>Sora pulled Roxas into a hug, and Axel was touched by the joyful look of surprise on Roxas’s face. He got the impression that Roxas (unlike Sora) still felt a little awkward around his other half. They were pretty cute together though, and it made Axel happy to know Roxas and Sora were friends now. </p><p>“Are you okay? What are you going to <em> do </em>?” Roxas asked. </p><p>“I’m gonna live here. Axel said I could. He’s helped me a lot today,” Sora gushed, and Axel could tell he was still quite tipsy, though he wasn’t sure if Roxas had fully picked up the fact.</p><p>If Roxas hadn’t been there, Axel would have been warmed by Sora’s praise, but as it was, he had no clue how to react and just felt desperately awkward himself. <em> You used to be so cool, Axel. Just be that guy, </em> he urged himself, but even having the need to <em> remind </em> himself to be cool made him lose confidence. He felt extremely sober.</p><p>They were both staring at him so he made his best attempt. “Thanks, Sora. It’s been- honestly, a really good day for me too. I’m not saying I’m happy about your parents,” he corrected, “Just that I’m glad you came here. I’m glad we got to talk. You’re fun.” </p><p>He cringed inwardly at his utter lack of cool.</p><p>“I’m gonna hop in the shower,” Sora exclaimed. “You two probably want to catch up, right?”</p><p>Roxas looked horrified. “I’ll come with you!” he blurted.</p><p>“To the shower?” Sora laughed, propping his arm up on the banister when he started to tip a little. “C’mon, I’ll be <em> right back </em>, I promise.”</p><p>Roxas looked so desperately uncomfortable, Axel felt he should excuse himself too. “I should probably shower too. Maybe Roxas should-“</p><p>“I’m using <em> your </em> shower, Axel. I’ll be right back!” Sora insisted, proceeding up the staircase that led to both Axel &amp; Riku’s rooms. The grin on Sora’s face as he glanced back at Axel made everything click in Axel’s mind. <em> He’s trying to set us up. </em>Never, in a million years, did Axel expect that Sora would be his wingman, but he supposed stranger things had happened.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Roxas is in the house! Eek! Mischief is afoot, dear readers! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter even though I'm totally just having fun and blowing canon to smithereens now. </p><p>I was nervous about the reception to the story switching locales in the second half, but no one has unsubscribed, so I'm hoping that means you still like it? If you do, your comments are appreciated since I am an admittedly self-conscious individual, but I understand if you are shy! Regardless, thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Reconnecting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, er, I was going to make Sora dinner. Do you want to join?” Axel asked timidly when Roxas said nothing. </p><p>“Sure,” said Roxas, following him to the kitchen. Axel was relieved to see how much calmer he seemed than the last time they’d met. Roxas appeared nervous but not actively hostile. If anything, he was just as uncomfortable as Axel felt.</p><p>“I actually don’t even know what food we have,” Axel commented, trying to avoid a second of silence. “What does Roxas like?” he asked.</p><p>“You mean Sora?” Roxas corrected. “I see you still have trouble telling us apart.”</p><p><em> Fuck</em>. “No, sorry–it was just an accident!” </p><p>“It’s okay, Axel, I’m joking.” The intimacy of hearing Roxas say his name with a slight grin on his face gave Axel a thrill of hope. Was he making it up or did Roxas seem… maybe not totally normal, but at least more like his old self? He was hesitant to read too much into it, lest he get his heart broken again so soon. </p><p>“Are you still living in Twilight Town?” he asked, abandoning his search for food and leaning against the kitchen counter opposite Roxas.</p><p>“Yes, but I’m going to stay here for at least a few days.”</p><p>Axel felt terrified to ask it, but his need to know overrode his anxiety, “Are you still dating... someone?” he said, careful not to reveal that he knew <em> exactly </em> who Roxas was dating.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Now Axel was thankful he hadn’t gotten his hopes up. He went back to rummaging through the cupboards. </p><p>“To answer your other question,” Roxas responded, “Sora’s just like you and me. He’ll eat just about anything.” Roxas opened up a few cupboards himself and poked around, pulling out a jar of tomato sauce and some noodles. “Spaghetti?” he suggested. </p><p>“Sure, doesn’t get simpler than that. I’m not a great chef, but I think even I can manage it,” Axel said, absentmindedly scratching the back of his head. He hated how forced things seemed between them, even if it was far better than Roxas’s antagonism. He had to remind himself that Roxas was dating someone. They couldn’t return to their old rapport. They’d have to build a new one, and he thought Roxas might just give him a chance to do that, and the idea filled him with renewed hope.</p><p>Sora returned in oversized sweatpants that had been rolled up to fit his much shorter frame, along with one of Axel’s t-shirts. “Had to borrow from your closet, sorry,” he said with a shrug. “So what’s for dinner?”</p><p>As they all waited for the water to boil and noodles to cook, Sora breezed over the details of everything that went wrong with his family, then insisted Roxas distract him with stories of his life in Twilight Town. It turned out he worked in a record store, and he’d heard a good deal of their band’s music already. Axel was surprised to hear that. He figured they were only famous locally. Come to think of it, Demyx, Tifa, and Leon had mentioned their growing fame to him, but Axel didn’t <em> feel </em> famous on their little island so far away from everything. </p><p>He <em> had </em> noticed that the locals, wary of the newcomers to their island at first, had started to adopt them into the local community bit by bit. He’d also noticed an uptick in the number of strangers wanting to speak to him when he was out and about. But it wasn’t until this moment that he realized how big what started as a new hobby had become. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this news. He was pleased for all his friends, and his vanity couldn’t deny the attraction of celebrity, but it felt so irrelevant to his greatest concerns and cares at the moment, which were singularly tied to Roxas.</p><p>Roxas strategically avoided mentioning Pence as he talked about his daily life, but there were a few mentions of a “friend” that Axel strongly suspected was his romantic rival.</p><p>When Demyx, Leon, and Tifa arrived home, Axel quickly relayed the news on behalf of Sora, and everyone seemed honored to take care of Sora in his hour of need, agreeing that he must stay with them. When asked about Riku’s whereabouts, Axel tried not to give too much away, not sure what his friend was up to, but worried about it just the same. </p><p>Demyx wouldn’t leave Roxas alone. He followed him around constantly, demanding to know every detail of his life and lamenting that Roxas never kept in touch. Roxas politely refrained from mentioning that Demyx hadn’t written or called him either, which Axel knew from the times he’d tried to glean information from Demyx.</p><p>Even so, they were very cute together. Demyx’s manic energy met with Roxas’s amused calm, and Axel could see why they made such a good pair. He felt renewed guilt for disrupting their friendship in the past. He wouldn’t do so again. He conversed primarily with Tifa since Leon was deep in a serious conversation with Sora. Axel knew that Leon had suffered for his sexuality in many of the same ways Sora was suffering now and was glad they were able to talk. </p><p>After dinner, Tifa and Axel stayed to do the dishes while everyone else gathered around their outdoor fire pit. </p><p>“So are you going to make a move then?” Tifa asked.</p><p>“Shhh, Tifa, no! He’s dating someone, remember?”</p><p>“Pence?”</p><p>“How did you-”</p><p>“Namine knows <em> everything, </em>Axel. Seriously. <em> Everything. </em>It would be scary if I weren’t so in love with her. So yeah, I know about Pence.”</p><p>“Does Namine think Roxas is in love with him?” Axel whispered, feeling he should be cautious just in case Roxas could somehow magically hear him through two walls and a window. </p><p>“I’d say you’ve still got a shot, if that’s what you’re asking.”</p><p>“I see you’re conveniently avoiding the question, just like Namine does.”</p><p>Axel suddenly ached for Namine’s calming presence and her perspective on the situation, but she was off in a literal other world (as she very often was). She, Yufie, and Aerith had continued their research on heartless and Nobodies, and it seemed to bring them to every corner of the universe and very rarely back to Destiny Islands. </p><p>They finished up the dishes and met everyone outside around the fire. Demyx had opened a few bottles of wine, and Axel was surprised to find Roxas holding a very full glass. He’d seemed very disinterested in drinking in the past, but maybe that was because he’d seen Demyx act a fool so many times back in their Organization days. </p><p>Whatever the reason, Axel found himself admiring Roxas’s attractively flushed face as he smiled and laughed while the six of them fell into a comfortable cadence of easy conversation and animated storytelling. They all talked over each other constantly, laughing and joking, and even Roxas, usually so quiet, felt comfortable enough to chime in now and then. It felt so natural to have them all together. They were one big happy family, and the thought filled Axel with gratitude. </p><p>In spite of their communal joy, the conspicuous absence of Riku was a repeated cause for worry, that was until Axel and Tifa saw him slip in through the front door and rush upstairs. He wasn’t sure if Riku had seen them notice, but he figured it would be best to leave him alone for now.</p><p>As the night wore on and the wine took effect, Axel found his gaze inevitably rested on Roxas’s face in the glow of the firelight. He felt like he was falling in love all over again. To Axel’s surprise, Roxas didn’t exactly seem oblivious to him either. Axel swore he’d caught him staring a few times, though not nearly as many times as Roxas had caught him. The perfection of the evening produced a feeling of hopeful ecstasy that made Axel dare to believe he could win Roxas back. It felt so natural to have him here with them. He hoped Roxas was feeling it too.</p><p>When Sora started yawning, they all agreed to turn in for the evening, and sleeping arrangements were discussed.</p><p>Axel happily offered his room to both their guests, requesting just a few minutes to tidy up since he knew his room looked like a total wreck. Frankly, he was a little embarrassed for Roxas to see how poorly he took care of himself. Not that Roxas would be <em> that </em>surprised having never known Axel for being neat. Still, he wanted to impress Roxas any way he possibly could.</p><p>He ran upstairs, but was distracted by the light under Riku’s door. He’d better check in, just to see how his friend was doing. He knocked with no reply and decided to check back once everyone was asleep. He’d most likely end up in Riku’s room tonight anyway since his bed would be occupied. </p><p>As anticipated, his room was a mess, though truthfully no worse than usual. He started putting old laundry away and stuffing the clutter into his closet when he heard someone enter.</p><p>He turned to find Roxas. </p><p>“Are you <em> sure </em> it’s okay we sleep in your room? I can take Sora back to Twilight Town with me.”</p><p>“No, please stay,” Axel begged. Then, in an intentional effort to sound less desperate added, “It’s just that, I think having all of us together is helping Sora. Don’t you think it’s nice?”</p><p>“It’s like having a family,” Roxas remarked, voicing Axel’s exact thoughts.</p><p>Axel stared at him in amazement. It was impossible to love him any more than he did right now. Roxas was alone with him, in his bedroom. This was the place he had mourned for Roxas, fantasized about him, longed for him endlessly, and slowly, reluctantly learned to live without him. Now that he was here, the last effort felt so unnecessary. </p><p>Could he dare say what he was feeling? Did he dare act on it? No, Roxad had a boyfriend. Axel realized he’d been standing silently brooding on these thoughts for presumably too long when Roxas spoke up. </p><p>“You know, I didn’t bring anything with me. Like clothes or anything, I mean.”</p><p>“That’s no problem, Roxas,” he insisted, relishing the pleasure that was saying his lover’s name aloud again. “You can use anything of mine. You can wear my clothes, though I doubt they’ll fit. You’ll have to be creative like Sora,” he grinned. “You know what I have? You’ll get a kick out of this,” he said rifling through a drawer to produce a t-shirt with a cartoon T-Rex on it. “Remember this?”</p><p>Roxas burst out laughing. “You still <em> have </em> that?” It was the shirt Roxas had borrowed from Demyx after making the mistake of asking him what to wear on their first date. Axel had secretly swiped it from Demyx’s closet the day after Roxas left. </p><p>“Oh yes. Demyx forgot all about it. I still don’t know if he was fucking with you or serious when he gave you this to wear,” Axel joked, handing the shirt to Roxas who examined it blissfully. </p><p>“Wow, this brings back memories! I was so nervous that night. I wanted to impress you so badly, then I showed up wearing <em> this</em>.”</p><p>“I thought you looked alright,” Axel replied, and it had the pleasurable effect of making Roxas blush. </p><p>They were so right for each other. Axel didn’t know why they tried to fight it. There was only one thing in the way, and that was Pence. Remembering Roxas’s boyfriend tempered his expectations, and he brought the subject back to more comfortable territory.</p><p>“You can’t see it now, but the view from this room is incredible. You can see the shoreline from this window and our jungle of a backyard from this one,” he said as he walked over to them.</p><p>“I know. Actually, I guess they never told you... This used to be my room the months I stayed here. I suppose you wouldn’t have known because you were still with Namine then.”</p><p>Axel felt a surge of warmth at the revelation. He understood why his room mates hadn’t shared this knowledge with him while he’d been recovering from Roxas’s rejection, but in his current state, it felt appropriate and meaningful - Roxas enjoying the same views as him, even sleeping in the same bed.</p><p>“Axel, I’m sorry for how I acted that day at the clock tower.”</p><p>“There’s no reason to apologize, Roxas. Everything you said was true, and I needed to hear it. I was just grateful you told me the truth so I could try to, um, forget my feelings for you,” he said, feeling blush creep up to his own cheeks because he hadn’t forgotten Roxas, not at all.</p><p>Roxas eyed him curiously. “I never knew what it was like for you not to have a heart.”</p><p>“Of course you wouldn’t, you had enough heart for both of us.”</p><p>“How are you still being so nice to me after what I said?”</p><p>“Dunno, how are you still so nice to me after everything I’ve done?”</p><p>“The more I’ve thought about it, my frustrations weren’t all about you. The truth is, after reliving all my memories with you… I just realized how dependent I was on you. My happiness, well-being, <em> everything </em> was tied to you. Then I was joined with Sora, and he’s the opposite. He does exactly what he wants and doesn’t ask for approval from anyone. When I left the Organization, that’s all I wanted for myself. I was worried that I would come running into your arms the second you came back and fall into my old bad habits. I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I wanted to find out who I am and what I want without you, and Sora helped me figure that out. I feel bad for what I said because I realized that it’s not just about what you did wrong...I’ve forgiven you, and I hope you can forgive me too.”</p><p>“Forgive you for what?” Axel inquired, struggling to keep up with the implications of everything Roxas had just revealed.</p><p>“For being so cruel to you after you saved my life. When I think about the look on your face. I was trying to make you cry, Axel. That’s not like me. I don’t know why I did that,” he said, and he looked like he might be about to shed a tear himself. Axel couldn’t let that happen. </p><p>“It did… hurt my feelings, but I deserved it Roxas after all I put you through.”</p><p>“No, you didn’t,” Roxas replied firmly.</p><p>“You always saw the best in me, didn’t you?” Axel mused, looking thoughtfully at Roxas. Roxas looked away, and Axel felt as if the loss of eye contact broke the intimate line they’d been walking down. He tried to tell himself that was okay - it was Roxas’s choice to make - but he desperately wanted to hear more of the deep thoughts of Roxas’s heart. Somehow though, the slight of Roxas breaking their eye contact meant he couldn’t dare to ask.</p><p>Instead he said, “How long did you say you’d be here again?”</p><p>“Just a few days until Sora’s okay. I have to go back to work on Thursday.”</p><p>Axel wanted to prolong his stay and realized he knew how he might accomplish it. “Did you know it’s Demyx’s birthday on Friday? You know he’d never forgive you if you didn’t stay.”</p><p>Roxas looked hesitant.</p><p>“Bring Pence if you want,” he offered.</p><p>“How did you know that’s who I’m dating?”</p><p><em> Oh shit. Should he tell the truth? What could it hurt anyway at this point? </em> “Lea miggght have stalked you. A little bit. It was his idea.”</p><p>Axel was relieved to see Roxas looked amused instead of upset. “So you’re seeing Lea again?” Roxas had known a little bit about Axel’s visits to see his Somebody, though he kept the details about stalking him and Lulu a secret.</p><p>“Yeah, we’re friends now. It’s kind of wonderful, actually. I go to see him, his wife Lulu, and their daughter Ara. She’s very cute, just a baby. I’m an uncle now! Wait, do you know what an uncle is?” Axel checked, reverting back to the days when Axel had to teach Roxas most of his vocabulary. </p><p>“Yes, yes. I’m not <em> quite </em> so clueless as when you knew me last,” he teased. “I think that’s incredible, Axel. I’m happy for you. It’s nice having a Somebody, isn’t it? You know how I tried to resist being friends with Sora, but now I don’t know what I’d do without him. He really does literally feel like my other half, and I owe you for that. It’s all because you told me to write to him.”</p><p>Axel was speechless, so warmed by Roxas’s praise and touched by how happy he looked. </p><p>“Should I really bring Pence with me?” Roxas asked.</p><p>“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about him.”</p><p>“I know he’s probably not who you <em> expected </em>me to date…”</p><p>“Please, Roxas. I’m tough, I promise… I heard he’s really sweet actually. I’m happy you found someone. I just hope I’m lucky enough to end up with someone half as good.” He said it to make Roxas feel better, but in truth, he knew the person of his dreams was standing right in front of him.</p><p>“So you’re not, er, with anyone?” Roxas asked.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“What about Leon?”</p><p>“He’s dating Demyx actually. I‘m proud to say that <em> I’m </em>the one who set them up.” </p><p>“Hmm… That makes a lot of sense actually. They fit together, in an odd kind of way. I guess I should’ve noticed tonight.”</p><p>“Demyx was way too happy to see you to care about anyone else.”</p><p>“I guess he was,” Roxas smiled.</p><p>There was an awkward pause, and Axel realized he should excuse himself even though he had no desire to do so. “Well, I guess you’ll be wanting to get to bed. Oh shit! I came up here to clean for you guys!”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it. This is fine.”</p><p>“Sorry I’m such a slob,” Axel apologized, scratching the back of his head nervously. </p><p>“To be honest, it’s about what I expected,” Roxas teased. </p><p>They heard a few loud knocks on the door, which slowly opened to reveal a cautious Sora. </p><p>“I hope I’m not interrupting something,” he said, though Axel got the feeling he was hoping for exactly that.</p><p>After leaving Sora and Roxas, Axel walked the few steps to Riku’s room. He listened for any noise, but it was dark and quiet. He silently snuck under the covers next to Riku who was laying on the opposite side of the bed, facing the wall. Axel felt they were close enough friends for this arrangement not to upset Riku, so he didn’t bother to wake him, but it turned out Riku wasn’t asleep anyway. Riku flipped over to face him, and Axel could barely make out his features in the dark. </p><p>“Sorry Riku. I gave Sora and Roxas my room. I figured you wouldn’t mind… How are you doing?”</p><p>“Not good.”</p><p>“I figured. I was worried about you all day. Where did you <em> go </em>?”</p><p>“I just needed time to think about everything.”</p><p>“I think all you need to think about is when you’re going to tell Sora you’re in love with him,” Axel urged. </p><p>“It’s been a long day,” Riku sighed.</p><p>Axel dropped the subject, but he couldn’t keep his mind from racing, thinking about how to get Sora and Riku together. Even more maddening was the reality that Roxas was so close to him, just a wall away, and yet he couldn’t break the barrier between them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I mean...they’re cute, right? I’m just happy that Axel isn’t getting yelled at anymore because he’s been such a nice boi!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Flirtations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The days until Demyx’s party passed quietly. Riku remained reclusive, and Sora moped around, seeming more concerned with Riku’s absence than anything else. When Riku did appear at dinner time, Axel caught Sora looking at him morosely for some sign of acknowledgement. It felt eerily similar to how Axel was behaving with Roxas. The blonde was polite and sweet to everyone when they were all together, but after that first night, he mostly performed the role of Sora’s shadow and avoided being alone with Axel.</p><p>Axel couldn’t bring himself to push his luck after Roxas had been so kind to him, so he forced himself to conceal his disappointment even as he continued to not-so-discreetly put himself in Roxas’s path whenever possible.</p><p>There was also the matter of Sora and Riku. He cornered Sora one afternoon in his room.</p><p>“So what’s the deal with Riku? Have you guys talked at all?” Axel already pretty much knew the answer from prodding Riku for information but wanted to get Sora’s perspective on the situation.</p><p>“No, he makes no effort, and I’m done trying to talk to him.”</p><p>Axel couldn’t blame Sora for that. Riku’s silence was beginning to annoy Axel too.</p><p>“You still dating Tidus?” Axel asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” Sora replied hesitantly, apparently  knowing Axel’s feelings on the subject too well. He didn’t understand why Sora insisted on keeping whatever his thing was with Tidus alive, but he had to concede that however Tidus treated him, it must be better than how Riku did. “Why would I break up with him when Riku won’t even talk to me?! Isn’t it better to have someone than no one?”</p><p>“The hell if I know,” Axel shrugged. “I’m staying single like an idiot on the off-chance Roxas decides to come running back to me.”</p><p>Sora eyed him curiously. “Why haven’t you asked Roxas out again?”</p><p>Axel gave him an admonishing look. “You know I can’t. Isn’t Pence your friend anyway?”</p><p>“Ugh yeah, he is, but...I just think you’re cute together, and no matter what Roxas says, I think he still likes you,” Sora grinned suggestively.</p><p>Axel felt his stomach flutter. “What - why do you say that?”</p><p>“No reason,” he replied demurely.</p><p>“You’re the worst. It’s nice with him here, isn’t it?”</p><p>Sora nodded. “Yeah, it is.”</p><p>The person in question appeared in the doorway, eyed the two of them briefly, and hastily retreated with a flustered “sorry.”</p><p>Axel almost stood up to go after him but thought better of it. He was trying to give Roxas his space, to be the opposite of the overprotective person he’d been before, the person Roxas had wanted to run away from.</p><p>“Sora, you don’t think that<em> he </em> thinks that you and I are still...”</p><p>Sora shook his head. “No, he knows we’re just friends.”</p><p>Axel nodded, but he maintained his doubts.</p><p>“Don’t give up, Axel,” Sora assured him.</p><hr/><p>The day of Demyx’s party arrived, and the house was brimming with activity as everyone worked hard to meet Demyx’s impossibly high demands. Axel had spent most of the morning avoiding the birthday boy, but when Demyx caught him slacking off while he was supposed to be assembling some overly complicated party favors, Axel changed the subject to distract him before he could tell Axel off.</p><p>“So tonight’s the night we finally get to meet your Somebody, eh?”</p><p>“Yup!” he said, a modicum of joy returning to his expression.</p><p>“Are we calling it his birthday too?”</p><p>“No way, dude! I’m counting mine as the day <em> I </em>came into existence. Prompto can have his own birthday.”</p><p>“I should’ve guessed you wouldn’t let someone else steal the spotlight on this most sacred of days,” Axel deadpanned. </p><p>Demyx gave him an all-too-familiar look of admonishment before asking, ”Did you know he’s part of that rock group, Insomnia?”</p><p>“No kidding? I haven’t paid much attention to newer music, but I actually think I’ve heard of them…”</p><p>“Prompto plays the sitar too, of course. He’s very talented, probably the best in the world.“</p><p>“So that must make you the <em> second </em> best?” Axel asked.</p><p>Demyx continued unabashed, “They’re gonna play a few songs tonight.”</p><p>“Are we still planning to play too then?”</p><p>“Yes, definitely. I’m gonna have everything set up in the living room…Well, <em>Leon </em>will. I’ll be too busy getting ready. Tifa’s been helping me design my outfit for tonight, and she’s gonna do my makeup. It’s going to be sooo badass.”</p><p>“Has Leon met Prompto yet?”</p><p>“No, not yet.” He sounded worried and continued in a whisper, “You don’t think Leon will be<em> interested </em>in him, do you? I know what happened with you and Sora, and it- well, you can understand me being a <em> little </em> worried.”</p><p>“Oh fuck no, Demyx! Leon worships the ground you walk on. Did he ever tell you how long he’s been trying to date you?”</p><p>The confused look on Demyx’s face indicated he had not.</p><p>“Well, it’s been a while,” Axel assured him. “He wouldn’t throw that away. And as far as me and Sora goes, yes, there will always be an attraction between us because of his connection to Roxas, but it’s not enough to change my feelings. I will always prefer Roxas, and I know Leon feels the same way about you.”</p><p>“But you don’t know that for sure! Leon’s never met Prompto.”</p><p>“Guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” Axel shrugged, knowing that appeasing Demyx with logic would be an impossible task.</p><p>“I‘m gonna go see what Leon’s up to,” Demyx announced, leaving Axel alone in the living room.</p><p>Axel looked up to find Roxas on the upstairs landing. He’d just exited Axel’s bedroom and was wearing Axel’s boxers and t-shirt. Seeing Roxas in his clothes made his heart swell and reminded him of better days when he and Roxas had snuck into each other’s rooms whenever possible. There was something so viscerally satisfying about seeing Roxas in <em> his </em> clothes coming out of <em> his </em>room. It awoke all the fantasies of domestic bliss he’d been trying to bury. </p><p>Roxas caught him staring and blushed, moved to go back into his room, decided against it, said “hi” with a comically awkward wave, and proceeded downstairs. </p><p>Axel tried very hard to remove the smitten smile from his face, but Roxas was so cute that frowning at him was impossible.</p><p>“Hi,” said Axel, mimicking Roxas’s wave. </p><p>Roxas smiled, and Axel felt invincible. “You gonna help us prepare for the party?” </p><p>“I came down to eat, but I’m happy to help too. What’s left to do?”</p><p>“Hmmm, well Leon will be setting up the band equipment in here, Tifa is working on the decor, Riku’s MIA, and I don’t know if Sora’s up yet?”</p><p>“He’s not, but I didn’t want to wake him.”</p><p>“You think he’s still ok?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think it helps being here with all of us. Your life seems so perfect, living on the beach, starting a band with your friends. I haven’t done anything nearly so exciting since leaving the Organization.”</p><p>“I think being trapped in someone else’s body is excitement enough, and my life isn’t perfect, not by a long shot,” he said with a meaningful look as if to say, <em> Because I’m still in love with you, and you’re going away tomorrow. </em></p><p>Roxas must have caught his drift because he colored slightly and looked around the room before changing the subject. “I hear that all the members of Insomnia will be here tonight. I’m actually a huge fan. I can’t believe Prompto is Demyx’s Somebody. Wild right?”</p><p>“It <em> really </em> is. I always pictured his Somebody as… I don’t know, someone like Jack Sparrow, you know, cause he’s kind of obnoxious and he’s not really <em> all there</em>…” Roxas laughed, and Axel was dazed by the beautiful sight, amazed that he was the one making Roxas laugh so effortlessly. It felt just like old times.</p><p>“What are you laughing about?” Demyx demanded as he returned. </p><p>“Nothing,” Axel grumbled at the wholly unwelcome interruption. </p><p>Demyx addressed Roxas, “Do you think I should be worried about Leon having a crush on Prompto?”</p><p>Roxas looked uncomfortable as he replied, “Ehh no. Why?”</p><p>“It’s just that he’s my Somebody, and he’s a rock star, you know? And he’s good looking. I don’t know!” he barked, looking intently at Roxas to confirm or deny his fears.</p><p>“I get the impression Leon really likes you. I don’t see why-“</p><p>“That’s what Axel said! But of course <em> he’s </em>no help. He said he’s still attracted to Sora, as if that’s supposed to make me feel better!”</p><p>“Seriously?!” Axel protested, “<em>That’s </em> what you took away from everything I said?” He turned to Roxas. “I’m not interested in Sora, by the way. I said he’s attractive, but that’s just because he looks like you. I mean, I prefer you over Sora any day of the week. Not that he’s bad - Sora’s great, but you’re... you know,” Axel continued, tripping over his words the more flustered Roxas became. “The point is, maybe <em> Demyx </em> should stop putting his foot in his mouth and be grateful that <em> anybody </em>likes him.”</p><p>Demyx rolled his eyes at Axel and implored Roxas, “Can you believe he still treats me like this? After everything we’ve been through!” he finished, dramatically storming out of the room before Roxas could respond.</p><p>Axel struggled to change the subject to something else, but Demyx had thrown him for a loop. Even though the entire household knew exactly how Axel felt about Roxas, they’d all been very tactful about it. Leave it to Demyx to blow things up with his big mouth.</p><p>“I know you don’t like Sora - like <em> that, </em>I mean,” Roxas assured him. “I know you’re just friends, and I know what you mean about being attracted to someone because of how your Somebody feels.”</p><p>“You mean Riku?” Axel asked, wildly curious on the subject of who Roxas might find attractive.</p><p>“You know about Riku?!” Roxas exclaimed in a whisper. “Do you think he likes Sora?”</p><p>Axel couldn’t wait to answer the question, but he knew they needed secrecy to discuss the subject.  “Come here,” Axel prompted, guiding Roxas to the walk-in pantry and closing the door behind them. </p><p>“Okay, you can’t repeat this, <em> ever, </em>but yes, Riku is madly in love with Sora, and we <em> have to </em> get them together. Riku’s been so moody. He’ll barely talk to me. He was so upset when he found out Sora’s dating Tidus.”</p><p>“They broke up!” Roxas chimed in happily, clutching Axel’s arm.</p><p>“You’re kidding me! He didn’t mention that!”</p><p>“It just happened last night! I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone either, so uh, don’t mention it.”</p><p>“I won’t! That’s amazing!” he exclaimed, instinctively pulling Roxas into a hug. As he stepped back, he realized what close quarters they were in. He hadn’t been this physically intimate with Roxas in a very long time, and his mind switched from thoughts of Riku and Sora to thoughts of only Roxas. The expectant look on Roxas’s face made him wonder if he was thinking the same thing, but Roxas broke the silence when he asked, “So how can we get them together?”</p><p>“Ugh, see here’s the problem. Riku’s convinced Sora will never like him back, and he’s sworn me to secrecy.”</p><p>“Same with Sora.”</p><p>“I guess we’ll have to give them a little nudge then. How well do you know Riku?”</p><p>“I know him from Sora’s memories, but I haven’t talked to him much.”</p><p>“Okay, screw it. Before the party starts, I’ll tell Riku about the breakup-to plant the seed, you know? He seems to lose all ability to function normally when Sora’s around, so he’s going to need <em> a lot </em> of confidence to even approach him. That’s where you come in. Go talk to him and tell him - I don’t know - say you caught Sora checking him out, or that he’s into moody boys with long hair, or that he only dates childhood friends and Riku’s next on the list…”</p><p>Roxas laughed. “You know this brings me back. I used to love being part of your crazy shenanigans, except now you’re setting up your friends instead of getting out of missions.”</p><p>One compliment from Roxas had made his day, and the second made him feel positively effervescent. He wanted to make a move on Roxas so badly, but he reminded himself of Pence, who would probably be there any minute, and stopped himself.</p><p>“So it’s a plan, Roxas? We’ll make sure Sora’s in a good mood tonight. I know he’ll attract Riku’s attention, and who knows? Maybe Riku will even decide to make a move himself. We don’t rest until these two are together. You in?”</p><p>“Definitely,” Roxas agreed, and Axel opened the pantry door and entered the kitchen to find Leon cooking breakfast. Leon looked quietly pleased to see Roxas and Axel had been having a secretive tête-à-tête, but only said, “Morning. You hungry?”</p><p><em> See, your </em> boyfriend <em> has tact, Demyx. Why not take a hint from him? </em></p><p>After a nice meal with pleasant chatter about the party, Axel was assigned by a flustered Demyx to set up the band’s equipment while Leon helped Demyx with the party favors Axel had neglected.  Roxas was enlisted to help with decorations, and Sora eventually came downstairs just after Namine arrived home, and the two of them started prepping some snacks in the kitchen.</p><p>Riku showed up later in the afternoon, claiming Demyx had sent him on an errand despite returning totally empty handed. He ran into Sora in the kitchen, mumbled something unintelligible, and disappeared into his room. Axel was heartbroken by the disappointed look on Sora’s face and started to wonder if Riku even deserved him at all. He was dying to ask Namine for some of her preternatural wisdom on the subject, but she managed to elude him all day.</p><p>As the preparations wound down, everyone returned to their rooms to get ready for the evening. Axel was looking through his closet for something sexy to wear while Sora and Roxas lay on his bed discussing their favorite Insomnia songs. When the subject turned to their favorite band <em> member</em>, Axel’s ears perked up, and he heard them whispering about the lead singer Noctis. Axel would definitely be keeping an eye on him tonight. </p><p>He decided on an all-black outfit, rife with studs and leather, and decided to wear his hair down instead of spiking it. He was impressed by the overall effect, but was hardly prepared for the reaction Sora and Roxas had when he walked out of the bathroom. Sora squealed and told him how good he looked, and Roxas blushed a deep crimson and feigned interest in Axel’s bedside lamp. </p><p>Axel felt untouchable for a few glorious minutes, until he asked Roxas if he needed to borrow any clothes, and Roxas explained that <em> Pence </em> would be arriving soon and had a change of clothes for him. He was glad Roxas couldn’t see the look on his face when he delivered the news. Axel, who was putting on eyeliner at the time, observed his own forlorn face looking back at him in the mirror and felt defeated. </p><p>
  <em> Cheer up, Axel. It’s only one night. At least he’s safe and happy. Isn’t that all you wanted? </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It’s party time! 🎉 If there’s any FFXV fans in the house (I know there’s at least one!), I hope you will enjoy the cameos from the chocobros!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Bad Decisions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Head's up, I am completely re-writing the ending to this story, and that's why updates are taking a bit longer than usual. I have been writing a lot since I originally finished this story, and I like to think I'm a better writer than I was when I started. I've been taking advantage of the opportunities for improvement, and I hope you'll be happy with the result! Thanks for keeping on with the story! It's appreciated more than you know.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Demyx burst into the room and demanded help with stringing up lights on the balcony, Roxas and Sora dutifully departed while Axel managed to sneak off to Riku’s room.</p><p>Instead of the moping and depressed Riku he’d become accustomed to the past few days (and fully expected to find again), Axel was greeted by an alert, well-possessed gentleman who looked like he’d popped right out of a men’s clothing ad. </p><p>“You smell amazing,” Axel remarked. </p><p>“You don’t look bad yourself,” Riku commented, blushing slightly as he eyed Axel up and down. It was totally uncharacteristic for Riku to not only register Axel’s appearance, but also compliment him, and Axel felt immensely gratified by the acknowledgement.</p><p>“I needed that. I can’t believe fucking <em> Pence </em> is gonna be here tonight,” Axel moaned, falling onto Riku’s bed. </p><p>“I’m not exactly excited about seeing Tidus with Sora either,” Riku sighed as he adjusted his collar in the mirror. </p><p>“I actually have some good news for you” Axel beamed. “They broke up.”</p><p>“You’re sure?”</p><p><br/>“Yeah, I’m sure. And that means <em>someone</em> <em>is single</em>,” he sang. “And I’m warning you that he looks <em>really hot</em> tonight, so if you don’t want to spend your evening beating off men with a stick, I suggest you make your move ASAP. How are you feeling?”</p><p>“A little sick,” Riku said, sitting down next to him.</p><p>“Okay, listen to me. Sora likes men, okay? We’ve established that. That used to be your biggest hang up, didn’t it? And now that’s no longer an issue, so tell me <em> who </em> is better for Sora than his - dare I say it? Yes, I do - smoking hot best friend from childhood.”</p><p>“Ughhh” was all Riku managed. </p><p>Axel was undeterred. “Riku, think back to a time when you were just… <em> not weird </em> around Sora, and then tell me exactly when that was?”</p><p>“Before we left the Islands, I think.”</p><p>“And what made you so confident then?”</p><p>“I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. I think I was just putting on an act so no one would know the truth. I was so afraid my sexuality would change things between us, but yesterday I went to see my grandma. I told her that I’m...<em> gay </em>, and she told me she always knew, and... she always thought I would end up with Sora.”</p><p>“Well, if she’s saying it, I mean, she’s known you both since you were kids. That should be reason enough to just go for it, right? Tidus is out of your way, Sora’s available. What reason is there left <em> not </em> to tell him how you feel?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Riku shook his head. “I don’t know how to be myself around him anymore. Sora liked the old me, and I’ve changed a lot.”</p><p>“What the hell is that supposed to mean? You’re the same annoying little prick you’ve always been,” Axel joked, prompting a shove from Riku before he turned serious again. </p><p>“I’m also nervous because… I don’t know why he would want to be with me, especially now. I mean, he saved the world, and I just... I did everything wrong.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, we have that in common. You were the one who told me we both deserve a second chance, remember?”</p><p>“You’re doing well with yours,” Riku observed morosely, “but I’m not.”</p><p>“Eh, some days I’m better than others,” Axel shrugged, “I’m just lucky I have all of you. Plus Roxas is my friend now... sort of. I mean, at least he doesn’t hate me. And maybe that’s the best I can ask for. I feel like I’m starting to make peace with it, but then I think about <em> fucking Pence </em> showing up tonight, and I want to die.”</p><p>“I know he’s dating Pence and all, but I still think Roxas likes you.”</p><p>“Yeah, Sora said the same thing.”</p><p>“He did?” Riku exclaimed, clearly enthused by this small commonality between them. Axel tried to hide his grin. </p><p>“Yup. But the thing is, he <em> chose </em> to invite Pence tonight. Pence is bringing him clothes to wear. Pence is definitely his motherfucking boyfriend through and through, and Roxas knows how I feel about him. If he wanted to be with me, he could, and…he still wants to be with someone else.”</p><p>“Sorry, Axel. It really sucks.”</p><p>“So what’s your excuse? Sora’s one hundred percent available. You just have to make a move. You’ve been moping around when he needs you, so you have a lot to make up for. Even if you don’t tell him how you feel tonight, can you at least <em> not </em> ignore him?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be better tonight. <em> I’m trying, okay? </em>” he said, gesturing to his outfit. “I want to make a good impression, I’m just worried. If I were to tell him how I feel, and he rejected me, it could ruin our friendship.”</p><p>“I hate to say it, but you’re already doing that by avoiding him. You just have to decide if it’s worth the risk. I’ll tell you one thing, it was worth it for me. Even though Roxas doesn’t want to be with me, at least I have the reassurance that he knows how I feel if he ever changes his mind. Just put it all out there, and then at least you won’t have to wonder.”</p><p>“I’ll think about it.”</p><p>“Fine, I’ll accept that <em> for now.</em> And hey, whenever you feel bad for yourself, just remember that I was replaced by a guy who wears a basketball jersey over his t-shirt.”</p><p>Riku laughed heartily at that, and Axel took his good mood as a sign for them both to descend downstairs.</p><p>They went straight for the kitchen where they’d set up a full bar earlier in the day. Axel was sure a few drinks wouldn’t disrupt his goal of getting through the evening without succumbing to depression over seeing Roxas with Pence, and he was sure it wouldn’t hurt Riku to loosen up a little bit.</p><p>They entered to find Sora and Roxas laughing and leaning on each other, so caught up in whatever joke they shared that they didn’t notice Axel and Riku right away. It was immediatley clear from their relaxed body language that they weren’t on their first drink.</p><p>Axel adored the sight of them together. He remembered when he thought they may never be two separate people again, let alone two people in a situation so<em> normal</em>. A couple of friends having drinks at a party. He was charmed by the unexpected sweetness of it, and he turned to Riku who appeared to be feeling the same thing.</p><p>Riku was a little abrupt when he said Sora’s name, prompting Roxas and Sora to look over at the two of them in unison, the similarities in their movements almost comical. </p><p>“Sora, can we talk?” Riku asked.</p><p>Sora was clearly taken by surprise, but nodded and followed Riku out of the room. </p><p>Axel and Roxas exchanged curious looks before Axel broke into a smile, and Roxas followed suit. </p><p>“Well, that’s a promising start to the evening, right?” Axel observed.</p><p>Roxas nodded. “Definitely. I’m guessing you told him about Tidus?” </p><p>The way Roxas was slurring his words ever-so-slightly was so absolutely endearing that Axel found it difficult to respond to him at first. </p><p>“Yeah…I gave him a pep talk and everything,” Axel revealed. “To be honest, I didn’t have to do <em> that </em>much. He was looking like that when I went to his room.”</p><p>“He does look good,” Roxas conceded, before looking at Axel and blushing. “Uh, sorry.”</p><p>“No, Roxas. I thought he looked good too. And if <em> you </em> think he looks good, then Sora does, and that certainly won’t hurt their chances tonight.”</p><p>Roxas took a gigantic gulp of whatever he was drinking, and Axel wondered if he should tell Roxas to slow down considering he was already tipsy and didn’t have the weight, height, or tolerance to handle very much alcohol, but he reminded himself again that he was no longer Roxas’s protector and had promised himself to be less overbearing. </p><p>“What are you drinking?” Axel asked.</p><p>“I dunno, but it’s gross,” Roxas said, taking another big sip and making a face.</p><p>“Here,” Axel said, taking away his cup and moving towards the fridge to see what ingredients they had. “I’ll make you something better. What do you like?”</p><p>“Anything sweet.”</p><p>“I should’ve guessed that since <em> you’re </em> so sweet,” Axel joked, turning to find Roxas rolling his eyes, but smiling nonetheless.</p><p>“You ever had Sex on the Beach?” Axel asked, digging into the back of the fridge for the cranberry juice.</p><p>“Um, what? I’ve never had sex,” Roxas replied. </p><p>Axel froze, torn between a thousand emotions. Of course, Roxas’s confession was endearing because he’d totally misinterpreted Axel’s words, and it was also gratifying because Axel had secretly hoped Roxas wasn’t hooking up with Pence. Axel had always hoped he’d be Roxas’s first, but who was he kidding? Just because Roxas hadn’t had sex with Pence yet didn’t mean he wasn’t going to, and the likelihood of Roxas suddenly wanting Axel to make love to him was almost nonexistent. He pushed the thought aside and forced himself to focus on the present.</p><p>“Um, it’s actually the name of a drink,” Axel clarified, and he could feel himself blushing as he said it, though he couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. Probably because Roxas was so innocent, and Axel hated to make him uncomfortable.</p><p>“That’s so embarrassing,” Roxas groaned, putting his face in his hands.</p><p>“Hey Roxas,” Axel soothed him, abandoning the fridge and taking a few steps closer. “You know you don’t have to be self-conscious around me, right? I mean, I knew you when you could barely form a complete sentence, and I still thought you were amazing. Besides, I like teaching you stuff. It’s kind of our thing, you know?”</p><p>There was so much tenderness in the expression Roxas offered back, so much sweet adoration, it made Axel’s mind wander back to all their shared history, everything they’d been through to reach this point - to just be two people at a party.</p><p>He couldn’t help but wonder if Roxas still had feelings for him judging solely from his expression. It seemed like Roxas was inviting Axel closer. He forced himself to scale his expectations back.</p><p>He thought he’d known what Roxas wanted before, and he’d been wrong. If he took it too far tonight, he’d ruin what little progress they’d made towards becoming friends. It just wasn’t worth it, even if he looked incredible tonight, even if his eyes were beautiful in their vulnerability, even if he was practically begging to be kissed.</p><p>“Anyway,” Axel said, turning back to the fridge, “I think you’ll like this.” He pulled the orange and cranberry juice out of the fridge and started mixing everything together while Roxas leaned against the counter a couple feet away.</p><p>“Can you make it strong?” Roxas requested.</p><p>Axel looked at him. “You’re really trying to go hard tonight or what? I wouldn’t pin you for a big drinker, but I guess you’ve changed a bit since we used to hang out...”</p><p>“I guess I can tell you the truth...I don’t like being around big groups of people, and the whole island’s gonna be here, plus all the guys in Insomnia. Everyone already knows Sora, and they like him, and I’m just...I don’t know how to impress people like he does.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t compare yourself to him. You’re different people, both equally good in your own way, and no one could possibly dislike you. You’re like the nicest and most charming person to ever exist. Trust me, you make a good first impression. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”</p><p>“Thanks, Axel. I needed to hear that.”</p><p>“I’m happy to tell you any day, and if you need me tonight...” Axel paused, not sure if he should finish his sentence.<em> If Roxas needed him, what?  </em></p><p>Axel wasn’t his date. He wouldn’t be the one guiding him through the night, soothing his anxiety with jokes, making sure he was having fun and no one messed with him. Roxas already had someone for that, and it wasn’t Axel anymore. </p><p>Axel sampled the drink before passing one cup to Roxas and keeping one for himself. “Cheers,” he said.</p><p>Roxas took a sip. “Mmm, it’s really good.”</p><p>Even as Axel reminded himself not to think about Roxas romantically, his impulses still threatened to overtake him - the impulse to flirt, to touch, to kiss. “So uhh when does Pence get here?” he said in order to quell his own desires.</p><p>“He should be here pretty soon.”</p><p>Axel took a glance at the living room.  It was starting to fill with people. Axel had been so preoccupied by Roxas, he hadn’t even noticed. </p><p>His eyes panned the room, landing on Demyx’s Somebody and the rest of his band. </p><p>“You ready to meet Noctis?” Axel teased. </p><p>Roxas went pale. “What? They’re here already?”</p><p>Axel nodded. “C’mon, let’s go say hi.”</p><p>Roxas shook his head and took another long swig from his drink. “Maybe in a few minutes.”</p><p>“It’s only going to get more awkward the longer we stay away.”</p><p>Roxas just eyed him helplessly, so Axel picked up two shot glasses. “Here, a little liquid courage for us both, so we can handle whatever comes our way tonight.”</p><p>Axel poured two vodka shots, only half full (he couldn’t bring himself to be completely irresponsible where Roxas was concerned). The idea of taking a shot with Roxas gave Axel a thrill of guilty pleasure. “Use the drink I made you as a chaser,” Axel suggested.</p><p>“Chaser?”</p><p>Axel smiled. “This is just like old times, Roxas, when I was always teaching you new words. A chaser is just something you drink after a shot to make it go down easier. Have you ever taken a shot before?”</p><p>Roxas shook his head. </p><p>“I’m still such a bad influence on you,” Axel grinned.</p><p>Roxas laughed - well, giggled really. It was clear he was already feeling the effects of his latest alcohol consumption. Axel wondered again if he should tell him to scale it back, but what the hell?</p><p>“Just kick it back really fast and have the chaser ready,” Axel said before holding up his glass and clinking it against Roxas’s.</p><p>He watched Roxas’s face wrinkle, but he didn’t cough or sputter. </p><p>“<em>Now </em> can we go meet the band?” Axel asked.</p><p>“Finnneee,” Roxas agreed. </p><p>It took all Axel’s self control not to hold his hand or touch the small of his back as he led Roxas to the next room. Despite having never seen him before, Axel recognized Prompto right away. His posture and mannerisms were a dead ringer for Demyx, and he was enthusiastically talking with Leon. Axel figured Demyx must not be aware of Prompto’s arrival or he would be monitoring the two of them more closely.</p><p>The other three members of the band were speaking in a circle. Based on the posters and magazine covers he’d seen, Axel pinned the moody looking guy with the dark clothes and hair as Noctis (Sora and Roxas’s favorite). There was also a handsome and proper looking gentleman with glasses. The man who commanded Axel’s attention most was the hunky, tall one wearing a short-sleeved, open jacket that revealed his bare, tattooed chest and gorgeously toned six pack. He was Lea’s type to the T.</p><p>Axel felt a pang of guilt realizing that he’d been so wrapped up in the excitement of having Roxas back that not only had he<em> not </em> been to visit Lea and Lulu this week, he hadn’t invited them to the party either. With the baby, it was doubtful they could’ve come, but Axel should’ve asked anyway. It would be nice to have his Somebody with him tonight, not to mention Lulu. </p><p>He also had the misguided and pathetic thought that he’d like Roxas to meet the two of them, as if Roxas weren’t disappearing from his life indefinitely starting tomorrow. He brushed the thought aside and approached the band, noticing how Roxas was practically hiding behind him. </p><p>Axel greeted Prompto first, figuring Roxas would feel more comfortable around him than the others.</p><p>He was wrong. Roxas was entirely red as he shook Prompto’s hand in spite of Prompto’s immediate warmth and obvious enthusiasm.</p><p>“Dude, it’s so weird that you don’t know me ‘cause like I know all about you! You too, Axel!” he added, pulling them both into an awkward group hug.</p><p>“It’s great to meet you too,” Axel agreed, “but you seem…different from Demyx. <em>Nicer</em>.”</p><p>Prompto turned a little pink and scratched the back of his neck. “Ah well, guess it’s easy when I never had to be in the Organization and all. Hey! Have you met everyone else?” he said, leading them to where his band mates stood a couple feet away.</p><p>Axel shook their hands in turn, and he noticed how the band’s drummer Gladio held Axel’s hand for a little too long, his eye contact flirtatiously intense. It sent a little flicker of pleasure through him. He hadn’t been looked at like that in a long time, let alone by someone so exceptionally hot, but Axel let the moment pass before he guided Roxas out to the balcony. </p><p>“You did great,” Axel affirmed.</p><p>“You’re joking.”</p><p>“I was just amazed that you were able to get through it, okay? Now you can say you’ve met one of your favorite bands! That’s cool, right?”</p><p>“You’re so much better at this kind of stuff than me. Pence is gonna flip out when he meets them.”</p><p>Axel couldn’t bring himself to discuss Pence, so he changed the subject. “What do you think happened with Riku and Sora?”</p><p>“Hmm...Dunno, it’s been a while since I’ve seen them,” Roxas said, glancing back at the living room. “Oh, Pence is here,” he said, looking both excited and a little uncomfortable as he turned to Axel.</p><p>“Go say hey,” Axel offered. “I’ll come find you guys later. I’m gonna go check on Riku and Sora.”</p><p>Roxas nodded, his gaze still on Axel. “I think Gladio likes you.”</p><p>“Um, yeah maybe,” Axel shrugged.</p><p>“Do you think he’s hot?”</p><p>“I dunno. Do you think Noctis is hot?” Axel teased.</p><p>“Yeah, he was pretty cute,” Roxas shrugged with a smile.</p><p>“Cuter than me?” Axel asked before he could stop himself. The alcohol was clearly starting to take effect, as was his desperation at the idea of losing Roxas to Pence for the rest of the evening.</p><p>“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Roxas responded coyly, and Axel laughed.</p><p>“Damn, Roxas. You’re more of a tease than you used to be.”</p><p>“So what if I liked him? Would you be jealous?” Roxas asked.</p><p>“I’m jealous of anyone you like,” Axel responded honestly as he looked out at the view, afraid to see Roxas’s face, fearing he’d gone too far. <em> But hadn’t Roxas started it? </em></p><p>“Well, uh, I should go say hi to Pence,” Roxas mumbled, and Axel turned and watched him walk across the living room and greet Pence with a hug and a kiss. The kiss was quick and chaste, but it was still enough to make Axel’s stomach churn. That could’ve been him if he hadn’t fucked things up. He couldn’t allow his mind to go down that dark path again. He tore his eyes away and noticed Riku downstairs sitting at the same table where they’d had their heart-to-heart the first day Axel returned. </p><p>Axel bounded down the stairs to find Riku alone and looking melancholy. Axel put a hand on his shoulder. “What happened, Riku?”</p><p>“We actually had a nice conversation,” Riku explained. “I apologized and everything, and he said it was okay, and I told him we should see more of each other, and he agreed…”</p><p>“Then why do you look so sad right now?”</p><p>“I just...I just wish I would’ve told him how I feel.”</p><p>“Then just do it. What’s stopping you?”</p><p>“I don’t know… Everyone’s here now. It’s not really a great time to confess that I’m gay <em> and </em> I’ve been in love with him my entire life.”</p><p>“Huh, you know what’s <em> not </em> too emotional for a party? Making out with a hot guy. It doesn’t have to be some big ordeal, Riku.” </p><p>“There’s no way I could make out with Sora. I’ve never even kissed anyone before, remember? Did you talk to Roxas?”</p><p>Axel stared at the drink he was still holding, almost empty. “Yeah...Pence is here. I saw them kiss, and the stupid part is, I kinda thought he liked me before Pence showed up. He was sort of flirting with me actually. He noticed that Gladio liked me.”</p><p>“Gladio?”</p><p>“The drummer in Prompto’s band.”</p><p>“Oh right,” Riku nodded. “So what-was he jealous?”</p><p>“I think? Maybe? I don’t really know. There’s still chemistry between us, but I don’t want to think too hard about it, ya know? I’ll get obsessed, and then I might do something I’ll regret. Just trying not to fall back into old habits...”</p><p>“Good for you, Axel. Guess I should do the same.”</p><p>“Does that mean you’ll come back and join the party?”</p><p>“Yeah, let’s do it.”</p><hr/><p>Axel immediately returned Riku to the bar. Were the circumstances not so desperate, Axel might have been content to let him remain sober, but given that they’d been back at the party for less than five minutes and Riku was already looking pale and despondent again, he felt a quick drink might do the trick. </p><p>After he poured Riku a double, Axel spotted Roxas from across the room wearing the slacks and blue button-down Pence must have brought for him. Fantasies popped into his head in which Roxas was <em> his </em> date. He imagined Roxas by his side - someone to laugh with and tell all his jokes to, who wouldn’t judge him for disparaging Demyx or having one too many drinks. </p><p>Roxas was chatting with Tifa and Namine when Axel noticed Pence appear by his side. He handed a drink to Roxas, and as Roxas looked up, he caught Axel staring. Axel quickly turned away, but a few moments later, he felt a hand on his elbow. </p><p>“Oh hi,” Axel said as though Roxas hadn’t just caught him.</p><p>“Hey,” Roxas said as though he hadn’t noticed either. “I just wanted to say… I didn’t tell Pence about us. I mean, our past, and he asked me to come over here and talk to you because… well, he really wants to meet you. He’s a huge fan of your band.”</p><p>Axel cringed inwardly at this news. He should be delighted to have a fan, but he wished it were anyone in the world but fucking Pence.</p><p>“Nevermind,” said Roxas, reading his expression and drawing away. “It’s no big deal.”</p><p><em> Ughhhhh. </em> “It’s no problem. I wanted to meet him anyway.” It was true in theory, but now that the moment was here, he was dreading it. He walked over to Pence, Tifa, and Namine and introduced himself. Namine gave Tifa a look, and they excused themselves from the conversation. <em> What does she know about tonight? </em> Axel wondered. Namine was still acting very funny. </p><p>Pence shook his hand enthusiastically and explained what a pleasure it was to meet him and how he loved his music and he’d been learning the bass guitar himself.</p><p>Pence’s earnestness, enthusiasm, and willingness to please were all reminiscent of Roxas. If Roxas was Axel’s ideal companion, then Pence was Roxas’s. Sweet, gentle, and kind, probably never complained or broke rules or got wasted at parties. </p><p>Axel had expected, even hoped, to hate Pence, or at the very least be annoyed by him, but there was nothing to dislike or reprimand. He was a simple and sweet guy who seemed perfect for Roxas. And of course the icing on the cake (or the nail in the coffin, depending on how Axel looked at it), was his absolute adoration of Roxas, which dripped from his every word and gesture. When Roxas finished his drink, Pence offered to get him another, leaving the two of them alone.</p><p>“He’s perfect for you, Roxas. I mean it. I expected to hate him, but I can’t. It <em> sucks,” </em>he added, prompting a smile from Roxas.</p><p>“How did you two meet anyway?” Axel asked.</p><p>“Technically working at a record store, but it felt like we already knew each other because of the time I was trapped in DiZ’s recreation of Twilight Town.”</p><p>“So how long have you been dating?”</p><p>“Well, we started dating a couple weeks after I moved there...” As Roxas did the math in his head, Axel did too. He remembered that Roxas had moved to Twilight Town just after Axel had begun the process of regaining his memories, which meant Roxas had gone and found himself a boyfriend knowing that Axel would be back any day. He felt his stomach drop at the unwelcome realization.</p><p>It wasn’t that this was exactly new information. Axel had seen Roxas on the clock tower three months after he had moved, and he’d known Roxas had a boyfriend then. Yet something about knowing it had happened so quickly felt like a punch to the gut. Roxas seemed to realize something was wrong but didn’t say anything. Pence returned, and Axel excused himself, heading straight for the alcohol. He poured himself a cup of vodka on ice and took a large gulp, feeling the warm rush of alcohol sedate his disappointment.</p><p>It was a few minutes later when Axel felt another touch on his elbow. It was Roxas again, looking up at him with bright and excited eyes. Fuck, he looked so cute. Axel wanted to steal him away from Pence that instant, but Roxas pointed to the corner of the kitchen by the pantry door where Riku and Sora were passionately liplocked. Axel could barely see Sora because Riku had him up against the wall, hands wrapped around his waist as Sora stood on his tiptoes with his arms thrown around Riku’s neck.</p><p>“When the hell did that happen?!”</p><p>“Just now,” Roxas announced proudly. “I did exactly what you said! I told Riku that Sora thought he looked good tonight, and he just kind of...walked up to him, and then they looked like that!”</p><p>“You’re amazing, Roxas!” Axel exclaimed.</p><p>And then, before he even fully understood what was happening, Roxas was kissing him. It happened so quickly that Axel might have thought he was mistaken if he hadn’t seen the surprised look in Roxas’s eyes as he pulled away.</p><p>“Did you just kiss me?” Axel asked, trying to make sense of it.</p><p>Roxas looked up at him helplessly and nodded. </p><p>“I knew you still had a thing for me,” Axel said softly, the realization spreading a warm feeling across his chest. “Well, I didn’t <em> know, </em> but I hoped.” </p><p>He was surprised to find Roxas frowning at him. “I’m dating Pence.”</p><p>“Well, yeah, but then...why did you kiss me?”</p><p>“I don’t know what to do,” Roxas fretted, staring steadfastly at the floor.</p><p>“Do you still have feelings for me?” Axel asked. “Because if you do, then you should tell Pence the truth, and we can have an amazing night together. I know it won’t be an easy conversation, but I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”</p><p>“I can’t break up with Pence for you,” Roxas said. </p><p>“Oh,” Axel replied weakly, feeling the hope drain out of him. Did Roxas have to say it so harshly, so matter-of-fact, like it should’ve been obvious?</p><p>“I’ll tell Pence about...what I did later- when we get home, so, um, please don’t say anything...I don’t know why I did that. I think I’m just drunk. Let’s just, er, try to stay away from each other for tonight, okay?”</p><p>“Roxas…” Things he could say to make Roxas change his mind shot through his brain at a mad pace, but all that came out was, “Roxas, is this really what you want?”</p><p>Roxas didn’t answer, just eyed Axel mournfully before leaving the room.</p><p>Axel leaned against the counter for support. The string of emotions he’d experienced in such a short time were too much for him. He needed Riku or Leon or Tifa or Namine, but he couldn’t seem to move himself from the spot. He poured the rest of the vodka, at least a couple shots worth, into his cup and forced it down, the warmth of it easing the ache in his chest.</p><p><em> Why would Roxas kiss him and not want to be with him? </em> </p><p>Maybe Roxas’s attraction to Axel was purely physical, an impulse of hormones and… Well, it made more sense the longer he thought about it. That’s why Axel was always a one-night stand. Among all the people he’d slept with, not one had ever asked for more than a quick fuck. He’d had relative success at not letting it bother him when he was a Nobody, but now that he had a heart, he could see the devastating implication behind it.</p><p>Axel wasn’t dating material. He was the guy you accidentally kissed at a party before going back to your nice and respectable boyfriend. It was Lea who had pointed it out, said that Axel was probably Roxas’s guilty pleasure. They’d laughed about it, but now Axel felt the weight of the truth.</p><p>The fact was that the only person Axel had ever loved felt the same way about Axel as everyone else he’d fooled around with - that Axel was fun and charismatic, but not the kind of guy you’d want to take you home at the end of the night.</p><p>As he washed down the last of the liquor, Axel felt okay - not great, but okay. He wanted to talk to Leon, but he didn’t want Demyx to find out what was going on and ruin his night. Riku was still going at it with Sora, oblivious to what had transpired over the blare of music coming from the living room. He would find Namine and Tifa.</p><p>“Axel, right?”</p><p>The tall, dark, and handsome drummer from Insomnia had just entered the kitchen. </p><p>“Remind me of your name?” Axel said, feeling the alcohol had clouded his memory somewhat.</p><p>“I go by Gladio.”</p><p>“That’s right.”</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>“Not at all, but I think you could make me feel better,” Axel suggested, allowing himself to fully take in the six-foot-something frame in front of him, muscled abs, a wide grin.</p><p>“And how could I manage that?” Gladio replied, a spark of something naughty in his eye that Axel quite enjoyed, that made him forget his fears of being unloved and unwanted. Maybe he was still unlovable, but he could make Gladio want him. In fact, Gladio already wanted him. Axel could see it in his eyes. </p><p>He thought of Roxas - petite, shy and innocent, the exact opposite of the confident and formidable gentleman in front of him. </p><p>
  <em> You have to move on, Axel. Just get through tonight. Why not this guy? He’s famous and hot and will probably fuck you into oblivion. Just for tonight. This is the type of guy you belong with. Nice boys like Roxas don’t like you for a reason, Axel. It’s because you’re not good, deep down you’re not good. And people like you make bad decisions just like the one you’re about to make. </em>
</p><p>Axel stood up a little straighter and boldly touched a hand to Gladio’s pecs before looking up at him. “What can I get you to drink?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Riku and Sora are finally making out - small victories, right?! P.S. If you notice any errors or anything along the way, feel free to let me know. The original story was beta'd, but now that I'm going off course, I'm relying totally on myself for editing, so if you notice anything, I'd welcome you pointing it out. Thanks!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Jealousy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>OMG the comments on the last chapter!!! You could've knocked me over with a feather. I was so touched by every one of them. Thank you so, so, so much. I could gush forever, but I'm sure you're here to find out what happens with our boy Axel and the crew, so just know I love you, and I'm so grateful for everyone still reading.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel kept waiting for Leon to appear and demand to know why he was sitting in Gladio’s lap, shamelessly flirting and pretending as hard as he fucking could that everything was absolutley fucking fine. For Namine to coax Axel away and gently explain that Roxas’s kiss and run wasn’t the fuck-you punch-to-the-gut that it so obviously was. For Demyx to assure him that he wasn’t the same traitor piece of shit he knew in Organization XIII. For Sora to encourage him not to give up because he still had a chance.</p><p>But no one asked why Axel was biting Gladio’s bottom lip in a dark corner of the living room while Roxas’s rejection rested like a splinter in his heart. Axel was alone with only his gut instincts and broken moral compass and waves upon waves of dark realizations.</p><p>Sometimes Axel’s eyes betrayed him and raced across the room while Gladio was tracing kisses down his neck, desperate to catch a glimpse of blue eyes, but he knew why he didn’t see them.</p><p>Roxas was probably off explaining to Pence that he’d kissed Axel, but it didn’t mean anything because Pence was an amazing boyfriend, and Axel was just a guilty pleasure of his, one he’d been trying to shake for a long time.</p><p>Pence would forgive Roxas in an instant because it only took one look at Axel to know that everything Roxas thought about him was true, and Axel wasn’t going to play fair anymore, not if he had nothing to lose.</p><p>“Is there some place we could be alone?” Gladio asked in a breathy whisper, his deep voice dangerously seductive.</p><p>Axel imagined getting on his knees, succumbing to someone who wanted him, a person who could use him for something, who saw any value in him at all.</p><p>How could he resist that poisonous invitation, and should he even bother?</p><p>He could easily bring Gladio up to his room and lock the door. No one would have to know except…</p><p>
  <em>Roxas had slept in his bed last night. Roxas had walked out of that room wearing his clothes.</em>
</p><p>“Everything okay?” Gladio asked. “I didn’t mean to come on too strong. I just thought…”</p><p>“Fuck,” Axel shook his head. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>He couldn’t stop thinking of Roxas’s face. How cute and <em>happy </em>he’d looked this morning. How much his smile had made Axel believe he wouldn’t end up in the arms of a stranger ever again.</p><p>“Are you crying?” Gladio asked softly.</p><p>Axel rubbed at his eyes and discovered he was. “I never used to cry,” he pleaded, “I wasn’t supposed to have a heart.”</p><p>He felt Gladio’s hand on his shoulder, tentative and gentle. It was not at all what he expected, and not even close to what he deserved.</p><p>“Hey, it’s alright,” Gladio said.</p><p>“Sorry,” Axel sobbed.</p><p>“It’s okay. I’ve been there.”</p><p>“I’m in love with Roxas,” Axel confessed, the words pouring out of him. “I thought he was going to break up with his boyfriend for me. So fucking pathetic, right?”</p><p>Gladio was about to respond when the bandmate with the glasses cautiously approached them and told Gladio they were about to perform a few songs for Demyx’s birthday.</p><p>“Please don’t worry about me,” Axel insisted. “I’ll be alright.”</p><p>Gladio eyed Axel gently. “You sure?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m good,” Axel lied, standing up to let him go and wiping at his tears before forcing himself to take a few deep breaths.</p><p>“What‘s going on, Axel?” <br/><br/>Axel was beyond relieved to see Leon’s face. </p><p>“I don’t fucking know anymore. Just when I thought I’d hit rock bottom...but don’t worry. You should be with Demyx,” Axel insisted, realizing he wasn’t prepared to have this conversation. The concern in Leon’s eyes was too overwhelming.</p><p>“I was just with Demyx. I overheard him talking to Roxas, so I know about the kiss. Roxas shouldn’t have messed with your head like that.”</p><p>”Yeah, well, the truth is that Roxas doesn’t give a fuck about me, but he can’t stay away from me either. I’m his second choice, Leon.”</p><p>”Shit, Axel. Let’s go upstairs or something. I’ve never seen you like this.”</p><p>Just then Prompto appeared holding up a series of cables and explained they were having trouble with the speakers. Axel could see Leon was going to decline to help and stopped him.</p><p>“You can’t fuck with Demyx’s birthday plans, trust me. Not unless you want to get murdered,” he said, forcing a grin. “I need a minute away.”</p><p>“I’ll be back. Just stay here, okay?”</p><p>Axel nodded, fully intending to follow Leon’s orders, when he saw Roxas approaching him.</p><p>Roxas was wearing the same intense expression he had in combat, and Axel’s impulse was to back away from the fury in his eyes, but of course he couldn’t do that. It was still Roxas after all. </p><p>“Can I talk to you?” Roxas asked.</p><p>Axel nodded. There was no fight left in him and no reason to resist. He just had to tough it out, to survive whatever Roxas was about to throw at him. It didn’t even matter, he reminded himself, because the outcome was already set. </p><p>“Gladio won’t mind?” Roxas accused, a venom in his voice that Axel had hoped to never hear again.</p><p>“No,” he responded simply, explanations seeming unnecessary when Roxas had already made up his mind.</p><p>Axel followed Roxas to their front porch which was quiet and empty. The waves rolled on the beach under a new moon. </p><p>Axel would’ve called it romantic under any other circumstances.</p><p>“So you’re with Gladio now?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Then why were you kissing him?”</p><p>“What’s it to you?” Axel asked, trying to keep his tone level, trying not to show how hurt and miserable he was, attempting to brace himself against accusations he didn’t have the strength to combat.</p><p>“You haven’t changed at all.”</p><p>“Roxas, I don’t know what you want from me. You’re dating Pence. Just tell me what you want, and I’ll be okay with that. I just need to know how you really feel.”</p><p>“Were you going to have sex with him?”</p><p>“Why do you care, Roxas?” Axel pleaded.</p><p>
  <em>Just say you still have feelings for me. Say you do, and it’s all over for me. You’re the one. </em>
</p><p>Axel couldn’t bring himself to say what he was really thinking with Roxas like this. He could only play the game and wait for Roxas to show his hand.</p><p>“You’re trying to shove it in my face how you can have anyone, just like in all that time we were apart. Just like with Sora and Leon.”</p><p>“It’s not like that at all,” Axel insisted.</p><p>“Then how many people have you slept with since you’ve had a heart?”</p><p>“None.”</p><p>“I don’t believe you.”</p><p>The words were an arrow to his chest, the shock of it making him feel light-headed.</p><p>”Can you give me a minute?” Axel asked, falling into the nearest chair.</p><p>Axel didn’t want Roxas to witness the mental breakdown that was quickly forthcoming, the same one that occurred every time he’d lost Roxas before.</p><p>Maybe Roxas was in the wrong tonight, but Axel never wanted to hurt him. He’d hurt himself first. </p><p>“Axel?” Roxas asked, his voice surprisingly gentle.</p><p>“I need a minute, Roxas. <em>Please</em>.”</p><p>Roxas remained standing at his side, but they were both distracted when the front door opened.</p><p>“Roxas, can I talk to Axel alone?” Namine asked, and Roxas dutifully disappeared inside the house.</p><p>As soon as he was gone, Axel allowed his shoulders to sag and let his face fall into his hands.</p><p>“So I see you waited until I reached my lowest point in the evening to come say hi,” Axel observed, not bothering to hide the bite in his voice.</p><p>“I just had a feeling I should stay away and let things run their course,” she explained. “But I am sorry.”</p><p>“There’s nothing I can do to make him want to be with me, Namine,” Axel choked. “I know that now, and he’s the only person I’ve ever been in love with. I wish I could just feel that way about someone else.”</p><p>“No, of course not,” Namine insisted. “You and Roxas belong together.”</p><p>“Pshh, okay,” Axel said before remembering who he was speaking to. “Sorry, Nam.”</p><p>“I hate seeing you apart. … I honestly can’t bear to watch it.”</p><p>“So that’s why you’ve been avoiding me, because my relationship with Roxas is too depressing to behold?” he teased, feeling more like himself by mere proximity to Namine’s calming energy.</p><p>Namine sat next to him and took his hand, the familiar warmth of it reminding him of the day he’d learned he had a heart.</p><p>“I’m glad you’re here,” Axel sighed.</p><p>“You and Roxas are all I’ve been thinking about today. I want to help you, but…”</p><p>“What? We’re doomed? I don't think I can take another second of this back and forth with him. I wish he would just tell me he hates my fucking guts so I could stop feeling like this. I keep thinking he likes me, and then he stomps on my heart, and it’s not like I think I’m some kind of fucking angel, but at least I’m trying.”</p><p>“Want to know what I think? I think you and Roxas are going to end up together.”</p><p>Even though he should know better than to bet against Namine, Axel didn’t believe her. “So what about Pence?”</p><p>“He’s going to get his heart broken,” she stated simply, and Axel couldn’t help but notice the slightest grin on her face when she said it.</p><p>“What did Pence ever do to you, Nam?” Axel chuckled. “Never seen you so vindictive, but I gotta say...I <em>like</em> it.”</p><p>“He’s a good person, but I still have my allegiances...”</p><p>“Love you, Nam” Axel said, standing up to hug her.</p><p>“You know that’s my girlfriend, right?” Tifa announced from the doorway as she joined them.</p><p>“Tough luck. I’m mad at both of you for avoiding me all night.”</p><p>“I haven’t been avoiding you! Not on purpose. I’ve just been with Nam.”</p><p>“Whatever. I’m over it. Let’s talk about anything else. Did you see Riku and Sora in there?”</p><p>“Who could’ve missed it?” Tifa laughed. “It went on for...goodness...an hour… or more?”</p><p>“Are they still going at it?”</p><p>“I think they might’ve gone up to Riku’s room at some point,” Tifa said slyly.</p><p>Considering Axel’s wreck of an evening, that was welcome news.</p><p>“You should be proud of yourself, Axel, for giving them a nudge,” Tifa encouraged. “They needed it.”</p><p>“Actually, it was Roxas who finally did it,” Axel revealed, noticing how Tifa and Namine both frowned at the mention of his name.</p><p>“I’m alright, really. It helped talking with you, Nam. I’m just gonna lay low tonight.”</p><p>“Just stay with us,” Tifa offered, linking her arm in his. “We’ll make up for neglecting you before.”</p><p>They walked inside to hear Insomnia playing a lively rendition of “Happy Birthday” to an ecstatic Demyx. As the song finished, they invited The Nobodies to take the stage.</p><p>Even though Axel wanted to be alone and sleep more than anything, he couldn’t deny that the idea of pouring his sorrows into his music was the next best thing.</p><p>As the first song began, he forced himself to focus on only his band mates and his red bass guitar. Axel fell into the rhythm of Leon’s drumming, Demyx’s hypnotic sitar, and Tifa’s transcendent voice. Thoughts of all else faded, and he only cared about the vibration of the strings on his fingertips.</p><p>By the time they finished their last song, the applause and cheers of the crowd lifted him to a happier dimension, and he felt light-headed and euphoric beyond belief. The band all gathered together, enveloping Demyx in a huge, sweaty birthday hug.</p><p>“So I have some news,” Demyx announced, an infectious smile on his face. “A surprise,” he added, looking at each of them in turn.</p><p>“Out with it,” Axel commanded, knowing Demyx would continue withholding said surprise as long as they would indulge him.</p><p>“We’re going on tour with Insomnia.”</p><p>Even Leon looked surprised. “What?”</p><p>“It happened last minute, but the band that was opening for them dropped out, and, I mean, who cares why, right?! We’re going on tour!”</p><p>“When do we leave?” Tifa asked.</p><p>“See, that’s the thing. We’re leaving the day after tomorrow...”</p><p>There was a moment where they all just stared at one another in quiet disbelief before Axel started crying. Weeping, really.</p><p>He noticed how all three of them were looking at him wearing concerned expressions.</p><p>“It’s good, guys. I’m happy. I needed this tonight. There’s no one else I’d rather tour with than the three of you,” he said, pulling them all a little closer.</p><p>They shared a beautiful moment in which even Leon got a little teary-eyed before Demyx noticed something behind Axel’s head and excused himself, mumbling inaudibly while he avoided Axel’s gaze.</p><p>It quickly became obvious why. Axel turned to watch Demyx head towards the door where Sora and Riku were standing with Roxas and Pence.</p><p>Axel considered keeping his distance, but he felt a little braver in the company of his friends, and in spite of everything, he didn’t want to leave things with Roxas on a bad note. Considering the tour, they might not see each other for a long time.</p><p>Pence’s face lit up when he saw Axel approaching. “Your performance was - wow - you’re even better live! I can’t believe it, seeing Insomnia and The Nobodies in a single night! Roxas has the most amazing friends. But of course he does because he’s amazing,” Pence rambled, taking Roxas’s hand.</p><p>Pence surprised Axel by hugging him before turning to do the same for Sora and Riku, leaving Axel and Roxas staring at each other, hesitating.</p><p>“Were you crying? I’m really sorry, Axel,” Roxas whispered, eyes tender and pleading. “I’m such an idiot.”</p><p>Axel stared back at him for a moment, trying to memorize every detail of his beautiful face, barely comprehending his words, only focused on how much he would miss him.<br/><br/>Fuck. How was he still so in love? Axel would be at the mercy of those blue eyes as long as he lived, and he guessed he’d just have to come to terms with it one way or another.</p><p>“It’s fine, Roxas, really,” he said, and he meant it.</p><p>Pence arrived at Roxas’s side, and Axel watched them leave together.</p><p>The worried looks on Riku and Sora’s faces after the door closed were too much for him. He changed the subject to something he knew would make him happy.</p><p>“So how the hell did you two end up together? Tell me everything!”</p><p>The excitement in Sora’s smile was heartwarming. If he couldn’t have Roxas, Sora was the next best thing, and he was grateful for that. At least Sora looked happy tonight, and it was partly thanks to Axel.</p><p>“I was just coming out of the pantry with some extra cups,” Sora gushed, “when Riku approached me and told me he’s in love with me! And then he kissed me, and, well… that’s it!”</p><p>Axel had never been prouder of his dumb little brother. “I really didn’t think you were gonna do it,” he told Riku.</p><p>“Wait a second,” Sora eyed Axel suspiciously. “You knew that Riku liked me, and you didn’t say anything?!”</p><p>“It’s not Axel’s fault. I asked him not to tell you,” Riku insisted.</p><p>“Well, he clearly wasn’t that good about keeping <em>my</em> secret,” Sora complained.</p><p>"You mean -” Riku began.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Axel interrupted. “I knew that you both had the hots for each other, but you both swore me to secrecy. Damn, the two of you are so cute together. I just wanna pinch your little cheeks!”</p><p>Sora blushed happily while Riku rolled his eyes.</p><p>“So what...what happened with Roxas?” Sora asked, his face falling into a frown. Axel couldn’t stand to see him looking so much like Roxas had all night. It made every bad memory come back full force.</p><p>“I’ll tell you everything later. Promise. Tonight, let’s just celebrate. I’m so happy for you guys. You’re my new favorite couple. But don’t tell Demyx!”</p><p>Axel decided it was finally time to get some rest. After confirming that Sora would be sleeping in Riku’s room (an arrangement he wholeheartedly supported), Axel made his way upstairs with one last look at everyone still milling around their living room.</p><p>He observed Demyx shamelessly making out with Leon on the floor in the space between the speakers and his drumset and smiled to himself. Even if Axel ended up alone, he was proud of the two matches he’d helped make.</p><p>As he shed his clothes, he comforted himself with the fact that he would soon be a famous rock star, touring the world with all his best friends. Maybe he’d meet someone else out there, someone who would ease the pain of losing Roxas. At least it was better than hanging around here. <br/><br/>Yet the longer he lay in bed, the more he found his fantasies shift towards what he really wanted. He pictured Sora and Roxas dancing in the audience every night at their shows, having Roxas by his side as they explored the worlds together, and taking Roxas back to his hotel room at the end of every night.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>He was awoken by the sound of sniffling, and in a haze of sleep, he saw Sora’s shadow standing by his bed. Without a word, Sora was crawling under the covers, laying on his side and facing Axel. Axel could barely see his features in the dark.</p><p>“Sora, what’s the matter? Something happen with Riku?”</p><p>“I-I broke up with Pence.”</p><p>“Roxas?”</p><p>“He was so upset when I told him I kissed you,” Roxas sobbed, pulling at Axel's shirt, demanding he come closer.</p><p>Axel did as he was bidden, cuddling Roxas to his chest. Roxas curled into him, and he felt the tender warmth of Roxas’s breath on his neck.</p><p>“Can I stay here tonight?” Roxas asked.</p><p>“Of course,” Axel replied without hesitation, feeling relieved to have Roxas so close to him, no matter the reason. Axel took in everything - the sweet scent of his hair and the way he melded into Axel’s body so perfectly. How long had he dreamt of this moment?</p><p>Roxas didn’t say another word, and Axel had no desire to question him. He held Roxas close to his chest, feeling the heave of his sobs bringing Roxas alternately closer and farther away. </p><p>“It’s okay, Roxas. I’m here for you.”</p><p>It was a refrain, echoed from all the days Roxas used to come to him after being bullied by members of the Organization and after the devastation brought on by Xion’s disappearance.</p><p>How many times had he comforted Roxas, held him closely until his tears subsided? Even back then, even before he had a heart, he’d done that. He’d cared for Roxas before he knew what caring was or why he did it. Roxas had taught him to care simply by needing him.</p><p>Roxas’s tears subsided, and Axel stroked his back softly, his face buried in Roxas’s hair, just trying to show him by every physical point of contact how much he still loved him.</p><p>“Thanks, Axel,” Roxas whispered.</p><p>“You’re welcome, Roxas. Anytime.”</p><p>It wasn’t long before he noticed Roxas succumb to sleep, his face still nuzzled to Axel’s chest. </p><p>Axel allowed himself to doze off too, lulled by the soft rhythm of Roxas’s breathing. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Conversations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Axel woke the next morning to find Roxas still laying beside him. He was tempted to wake him, but after everything Roxas had been through the previous evening, he decided he probably needed the rest. Axel snuck out of bed and brushed his teeth before returning to the sweet sight of Roxas laying with his head just peeking out of the covers, looking serene and beautiful in the glow of sunrise through the window. </p><p>He retreated downstairs to find the house a total wreck. Plastic cups and paper plates appeared to cover every flat surface, everything smelling vaguely of body odor and alcohol. The tile was sticky against his bare feet as he arrived in the kitchen to make himself and Roxas breakfast. </p><p>He was amazed to find Leon already awake and staring into the open fridge with a dazed expression. He didn’t even register Axel’s presence until Axel spoke. </p><p>“Morning, Leon. You look like shit.”</p><p>Leon half-grinned, half-grimaced as he turned to face him. “Yeah, well you didn’t stay until the end of the party. I slept for all of a few hours, and now I have a hangover from hell. I’m trying to find something to eat that won’t make me want to throw up.”</p><p>“So you enjoyed Demyx’s party then?” Axel joked.</p><p>Leon laughed, albeit weakly. “It was fun while it lasted, I guess.”</p><p>“I saw you guys making out on the floor.”</p><p>“When Demyx wants to make out, he wants to make out. I don’t complain,” Leon shrugged, though his face colored a little. Axel smiled to himself as he took over Leon’s job of examining the contents of their fridge. </p><p>“What if I just make you some toast? I’m gonna attempt some eggs and bacon for Roxas.”</p><p>“Come again?”</p><p>Axel looked at him, not quite able to read his expression. </p><p>“<em> Roxas </em>?” Leon asked.</p><p>“Shit, I can’t believe I didn’t start with that. Yeah...Roxas is in my room right now. He slept here last night.”</p><p>“How the hell did that happen?”</p><p>“I honestly don’t know. He showed up in my room in the middle of the night and told me he broke up with Pence.”</p><p>“So are the two of you, uh, together then?” Leon asked.</p><p>“Uh, well, no. We didn’t talk much last night...” Axel scratched the back of his neck. Waking up next to Roxas had been such a pleasant experience, he didn’t want to ruin it by reading too much into the situation.</p><p>“So...what’s going to happen then?” Leon asked.</p><p>“I don’t know yet. I don’t want to get my hopes up. If we’re friends, we’re friends. If it’s more... I’m just glad he’s here.”</p><p>“Okay,” Leon said skeptically, “but you’d better keep me posted.”</p><p>“I will. Thanks for being there for me last night by the way.”</p><p>“I was going to apologize for <em> not </em> being there for you. I shouldn’t have left you alone.”</p><p>“It all worked out. Namine talked me off the ledge.”</p><p>“I guess she’d do a better job than I could anyway.”</p><p>“Yeah, but you’ve gotten me through a lot too. Without all of you, I don’t think I would’ve made it through... It got pretty dark last night.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know. I never want to see you like that again.”</p><p>“I hope you won’t.”</p><p>Axel forced himself not to think about Roxas’s intentions as he finished up his breakfast and made his way upstairs. The bacon was a little burnt and the eggs overcooked, but Axel had definitely done worse. Besides, he took comfort in the fact that Roxas never complained about free food. </p><p>He opened the door softly with the plate in hand, surprised to find Roxas was sitting up in bed, his hair sticking up in all the wrong places.  He looked so sexy and adorable at the same time. Axel couldn’t resist the smile on his face as he presented Roxas with his meal. </p><p>“I’ll admit, it’s probably not gonna be the best breakfast you ever had, but I tried,” Axel offered, handing him the plate as he sat down on the edge of the bed, angling his body towards Roxas.</p><p>“Looks pretty good to me,” Roxas smiled as he picked up a piece of bacon and took a bite. “Bacon’s good.”</p><p>“Glad to hear it. Uh, how are you feeling?”</p><p>“Um, good. Thanks for letting me stay,” Roxas replied, staring at his motionless fork.</p><p>“Of course,” Axel replied, scratching the back of his neck. </p><p>Things were awkward again. The tension and words unspoken felt heavy around them, but Axel was too nervous to break through, afraid to say the wrong thing and make Roxas upset. He couldn’t take that risk again, even as everything compelled him to pour out his feelings one last time and hope for the best.</p><p>Roxas shook his head. “It’s cool. I can’t believe you made me breakfast after what I did last night.”</p><p>Axel’s instinct was to protest, but he decided it was best to tell the truth, if they were really going to move forward. </p><p>“Yeah, last night was...It was really tough for me.”</p><p>“I know. I made you cry,” Roxas observed weakly.</p><p>“I guess it just seemed like you and I were hitting it off so well the past few days,” Axel admitted. “It felt like it used to, back when we were in the Organization. I realized how much I missed you. Not like I ever forgot, but…” he trailed off.</p><p>“I felt the same way. I realized how much I missed you too.”</p><p>Axel tried not to let that mean something more than it did. Roxas might still go back to Pence for all he knew.</p><p>Roxas continued, “You really are a different person. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize how much you’ve changed. Everyone kept saying it.”</p><p>“Everyone?” Axel asked.</p><p>“Sora, Demyx, Namine, Tifa, even Leon and Riku. They kept dropping hints about you.”</p><p>Axel smiled at that. “What did they say?” </p><p>“They said that I should give you another chance. Demyx gave me a long, drunken lecture after I told him I, um, <em> kissed you </em>...And, uh, then I saw you with Gladio...”</p><p>“I’m so sorry about that, Roxas. I didn’t mean to-” </p><p>“I don’t blame you,” Roxas interrupted. “If I would’ve just told you how I really felt before…”</p><p>Axel couldn’t bring himself to ask how Roxas “really felt,” even as the question screamed to be asked. He waited, hoping Roxas would elaborate, but he didn’t.</p><p>“You know what else Demyx told me?” Roxas continued. “He told me all the things you did to protect me when we were in the Organization. I mean, I <em> knew </em> you were looking out for me, but I didn’t know how much you risked just to keep me safe.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, I still could’ve done a better job. I have a lot of regrets about how things were when you left.”</p><p>“Maybe I should never have left...You were the only person in the Organization besides Demyx that actually cared about me.”</p><p>Axel could feel his heart racing. Everything Roxas was saying, and the <em> way </em> he was saying it just seemed so intimate and meaningful. It didn’t help that Axel had a close-up of Roxas’s gorgeous blue eyes and knew he could reach out and touch him if he wanted, but was that what Roxas wanted? </p><p>“I can’t help thinking,” Roxas said, “that you might be better off with someone like Gladio…”</p><p>“I wish you’d stop bringing him up. It was a mistake, Roxas.”</p><p>“But he’s<em> hot </em> , and he’s an intergalactic pop star, and he’s totally into you, and I’m like the farthest thing from Gladio there is,” Roxas said, gesturing to his petite frame. “I mean, you’re <em> famous </em>, Axel. You’re a rock star! When you leave tomorrow, people everywhere are going to be fawning over you, and I’m just… I can’t compete with that!”</p><p>“Roxas, first of all, you don’t have to compete with anyone and two, The Nobodies are <em> not </em> that famous-”</p><p>“You have <em> two </em>fan clubs in Twilight Town alone. Did you know that? Pence is in one of them!”</p><p>“No, but it’s beside the point! The four of us, and even the members of Insomnia, we’re just regular people. Prompto is Demyx’s Somebody! I mean, think about that!”</p><p>“To <em> you </em> they’re normal people, but to me…I mean, you saw how I was when I met Noctis. I’m just so <em> lame </em> compared to you,” Roxas groaned.</p><p>“I <em> like </em> how lame you are, for the record. I’m lame too, and if you want proof, Riku, Leon, <em> and </em> Demyx all think I’m super fucking lame, and they’re my best friends. You’ve heard my jokes before, right?”</p><p>Roxas laughed, and Axel was so pleased to see him let loose a little, to get a glimpse of that charming smile he adored so much.</p><p>It wasn’t long before the smile disappeared. “What now, Roxas?”</p><p>“I know I shouldn’t care, but I’m still jealous of everyone you’ve been with, and I feel out of place with all of you sometimes, like I don’t belong here or anywhere, really.”</p><p>“I used to feel that way too. I think it’s just a side effect of being in the Organization too long, constantly competing to save your own life over someone else’s. It’s how we were groomed to be from the day we came into existence.”</p><p>Roxas was thoughtful for some time. “Yeah, I guess you’re right…Never thought about it that way…”</p><p>“I think it was even worse for you though, because you had a heart.”</p><p>“Maybe you’re right,” Roxas said, putting down his plate. “I have a question for you.”</p><p>“Okay,” was all Axel could manage, the tension rising as he waited.</p><p>“Even though I messed up last night, even though you could seriously be with anyone...would you still...I mean <em> do </em>you still…”</p><p>While Roxas struggled, Axel felt a warmth spreading in his chest. His suspicions were correct. He knew somehow, instinctually, that now was the time.</p><p>“I’m still in love with you, if that’s what you’re asking, and I also have something to show you.”</p><p>Axel retrieved the “winner” popsicle stick from his pocket and placed it in Roxas’s palm.</p><p>“Do you remember this?” Axel asked.</p><p>“Yeah, of course. We used to get these when we ate sea salt ice cream.”</p><p>“This one’s special.”</p><p>Roxas’s eyes widened in surprise as he realized. “It’s not…”</p><p>“It is. That’s the same one you put on my nightstand the day you left the Organization, and I’ve carried it with me every day since. I know I made mistakes. I know. But I never stopped thinking about you, and I can sure as hell promise you I’ve never loved anyone else.”</p><p>Roxas stared at the popsicle stick, turning it over slowly in both hands.</p><p>“Just tell me what you want, Roxas, and it’s yours,” Axel urged, watching the tears form in Roxas’s eyes and hoping they meant what he thought they meant.</p><p>Roxas didn’t say a word, just closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Axel’s neck. Axel was always stunned by how much these small points of physical contact by Roxas affected him. He’d had sex with more people than he could count, but there was something different about Roxas’s touch, something so magically comforting and gentle.</p><p>“You’re leaving tomorrow, aren’t you?” Roxas whispered into Axel’s neck, the breathy tickle intoxicatingly pleasant, making Axel’s thoughts stray from comfort and love to something much more primal.</p><p>“Yes,” Axel whispered. “Come with me.”</p><p>“On the tour?” Roxas asked.</p><p>“Yes. Travel the worlds with me, just like we always wanted.” </p><p>Roxas was silent for a few moments, and Axel could barely stand the suspense. </p><p>“It’s not that I don’t want to, Axel. It’s just...I just came here because I needed to see you. I didn’t even pack a bag.”</p><p>Axel had about a million rebuttals to Roxas’s statement, but reminded himself for the millionth time that he was determined to be less overbearing and let Roxas make his own choices. It was hard though, when Roxas was being this dumb. </p><p>“It’s okay, Roxas. It’s not a big deal,” Axel sighed, struggling and failing to hide his disappointment. </p><p>Would it be crazy to cancel the tour just to spend more time with Roxas and make sure he didn’t change his mind? Axel definitely cared more about Roxas than his band, but he also cared about his friends, and he couldn’t do that to them.  He’d just have to hope Roxas felt the same way when he got back.</p><p>“I’ll still keep in touch while you’re gone,” Roxas offered. “How long will it be?”</p><p>“Honestly, I don’t even know all the details. It happened so fast. At least a few months, and then who knows what will happen after that? I’d like to think I can come back to visit at least every now and then, but I’m not sure how dark portals work in other galaxies...I promise I’ll do whatever I can to see you. Will you be in Twilight Town?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think I will...I like it there.”</p><p>“Maybe I’ll move there too, when the tour is over,” Axel offered, hoping he wasn’t coming on too strong.</p><p>“You really would?” Roxas asked, the stars in his eyes reassuring.</p><p>“Yeah. I have so many good memories there. I’d love to go back to the clock tower at sunset again, eat some sea salt ice cream with you, talk about stuff besides getting turned into a dusk. You know, normal people shit.”</p><p>Roxas laughed. “Yeah, that would be nice. Maybe I could take you...on a date,” Roxas offered, his sudden shyness infinitely endearing. </p><p>“Yeah, you can take me on a date, Roxas. Thought you’d never ask.”</p><p>Axel just stared into Roxas’s eyes for a moment, so warmed by his earnest and sweet proposal. After all they’d been through, a normal date with Roxas sounded pretty damn great.</p><p>There was a moment where Axel thought about kissing him. Their faces were so close, it would take hardly any effort, but for some reason he couldn’t explain, he hesitated.</p><p>“I can’t believe I didn’t know you play the bass guitar,” Roxas observed.</p><p>“I can’t believe you know what a bass guitar is,” Axel teased.</p><p>“Shut up. I know things now! But I think there’s a lot I don’t know about <em> you </em> still.”</p><p>“Probably true. So what do you wanna know?” </p><p>There was something about the way Roxas was looking at him. It reminded him of their reunion on the clock tower, like Roxas was waiting to be kissed, like Roxas wanted Axel to make the first move again, and Axel felt a small, rebellious part of him that wanted Roxas to make the first move this time. Axel waited. </p><p>“There <em> is </em> one thing I’d like to know,” Roxas spoke softly, his eyes drifting to Axel’s lips.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“What you’ve been doing with all these other guys while we were apart,” Roxas asked. His tone was curious, not accusatory, and Roxas gently placed himself into Axel’s lap, his legs squeezing Axel’s thighs before he leaned in and placed a kiss on Axel’s lips.</p><p>He’d forgotten the way Roxas could undo him with the simplest touch, the way he was so seductive in his innocence, the way he teased Axel with his helpless and vulnerable eyes until Axel lost patience and had to touch him despite his better judgment. Only now there was no reason to resist Roxas anymore. There was not a single secret left between them. It was like Namine said. They were meant for each other.</p><p>Their kiss felt just like the first time. There was a familiar electricity that had always flowed between them, and Axel experienced it tenfold in the way Roxas pulled his body closer. Axel’s breath hitched when he felt Roxas’s hand stray to the space between his shirt and the top of his boxers before Roxas removed his shirt entirely. </p><p>He was surprised and delighted by Roxas’s confidence, pleased to find Axel might not always be making the first move.</p><p>Axel placed a series of open-mouthed kisses on Roxas’s neck, breathing in his beautiful scent, treasuring Roxas’s response to every touch before looking into his eyes. Stunning, sweet, blue eyes with dark black lashes.</p><p>“You’re so beautiful, Roxas. If you only knew how many hours I’ve spent fantasizing about you…”</p><p>He removed Roxas’s shirt and kissed his bare chest, enjoying the sweet way Roxas sighed as his nails dug into Axel’s shoulders.</p><p>Axel claimed his lips again, knowing he could never get enough of this closeness, hardly believing it was happening when just last night he’d thought it was all over.</p><p>The way Roxas was grinding into his lap now was bold and addictive, and Axel could only pull him closer, wanting as much as he could get of Roxas, experiencing every movement and kiss as though his body existed only where Roxas touched him. He could feel Roxas’s erection pressing into his, and when Axel stroked Roxas through his clothes, the soft moan he let out in Axel’s ear threatened to put him over the edge.</p><p>“The list of fantasies I have that involve you is about a mile long, so I’m not even sure where to begin…” Axel whispered.</p><p>“You could start by taking the rest of your clothes off,” Roxas suggested. His delivery was uncharacteristically assertive, and it took Axel by pleasant surprise. </p><p>“What about you?” Axel teased, loving the fact that Roxas was telling him what to do. This was something he’d failed to fantasize about enough, imagining he would always be the dominant one. </p><p>“I’ll think about it once your clothes are off.” Roxas grinned as he removed himself from Axel’s lap and stood in front of him, biting his lip, his gaze lingering on Axel’s erection beneath his pajama shorts.</p><p>Axel took off his pants as Roxas ogled him without a word. Perhaps he should’ve been offended by the way Roxas appeared to be objectifying him, but he was mostly just amused and very, very turned on. When he removed his underwear, Roxas’s face went pale, and Axel was almost tempted to laugh at his complete lack of composure.</p><p>“Everything good, Roxas?” Axel asked.</p><p>“Huh? Yeah,” Roxas mumbled, finally looking into Axel’s eyes and blushing. </p><p>“You know we don’t have to do anything right now,” Axel reminded him.</p><p>“But you’re leaving tomorrow.”</p><p>“I’m not in a rush, Roxas. Not with you.”</p><p>”Let's do it now,” Roxas insisted as he crashed into Axel. His skin was smooth and soft. Axel trailed more kisses down his bare neck and shoulders, touching every inch of him he could reach. He unzipped Roxas’s pants and slid them off, then went back to kissing his lips, rubbing against him through the thin layer of his underwear, savoring their perfectly matched desire as Roxas’s hips grinded in time with his.</p><p>Yet when he looked into Roxas’s eyes he could tell something was off.</p><p>“You’re sure, Roxas?”</p><p>“I think I’m just nervous.”</p><p>“It’s okay, Roxas. It’ll be just like old times. I’ll teach you <em> everything </em>I know. Got it memorized?” </p><p>The sweet smile on Roxas’s face was reassuring, and Axel dropped to his knees to begin his first lesson.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am so beyond grateful to have readers who have followed this story all the way to the end. Just one more chapter to go. I appreciate you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Beginnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for following the journey of these characters with me to the very end. I really hope you enjoy this last chapter. ❤️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roxas was sleeping, snuggled against Axel’s chest under the covers.  The late afternoon sun shone through the blinds and reflected sparkles of light off his golden hair.  He looked lovely and peaceful and far too perfect to be real. </p><p>Axel lay awake, thinking about everything they’d gone through to reach this point. They finally had the promise of a future. Life would be so much simpler with his best friend by his side. He placed a kiss on Roxas’s forehead, and he awoke.</p><p>“I just can’t believe it,” Roxas sighed. Axel knew exactly what he meant. </p><p>They didn’t talk much, mostly expressing themselves through looks, touches, and smiles as they showered and dressed. </p><p>The second they left their room, Riku and Sora burst out of theirs with excited smiles on their faces, looking at Axel and Roxas like they were scheduled to perform a song and dance.</p><p>“Well?” Sora exclaimed.</p><p>Axel just nodded, and Sora nearly trampled both of them in a hug. </p><p>“How did you even know I was here?” Roxas asked.</p><p>“Leon told me!” Sora gushed. “I knew you’d work things out! Didn’t I say that, Riku? We didn’t want to, er, <em> interrupt, </em>but we’ve been waiting for hours to find out was happening.”</p><p>“Well, we kind of guessed after the first half hour,” Riku grinned. He was still standing a distance away, taking in the sight of the three of them together. Axel broke away from Sora and Roxas to embrace him.</p><p>“Heard you put in a good word for me,” Axel said.</p><p>“Yeah, well, it’s not like I didn’t owe you one. You’re the reason I had the courage to tell Sora how I feel. I’d never met anyone who was so open about their sexuality until you.”</p><p>“Well, don’t forget that you’re the one who convinced me to leave the Organization, and if I hadn’t done that, none of this would be happening.”</p><p>They hugged again, and Axel noticed Riku’s eyes were just as wet as his when they broke away from one another. </p><p>He turned to find Sora and Roxas with their arms around each other gazing at them fondly.</p><p>“It’s all so perfect,” Sora sighed before turning to Roxas. “You’re going on tour with us, right?”</p><p>”Does that mean <em>you’re </em>going?” Roxas asked, successfully dodging the question.</p><p>“Miss a chance to see the worlds and <em> actually </em>get to enjoy them instead of fighting heartless all the time? Of course I’m going. I can’t wait!” </p><p>“I’m really glad to hear that,” Axel responded, looking meaningfully at Roxas who blushed and looked away. </p><p>If Sora knew what had just transpired, he didn’t comment on it, instead saying, “Want to see the new outfit I told you about?”  Roxas nodded, smiling at Axel before the door to Riku’s room closed behind them. </p><p>“You know they’re talking about us, right?” Riku remarked.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sure of it. Should we get out of their way?” Axel asked.</p><p>“Sure,” Riku smiled as they headed downstairs. “So you know we’re having another party tonight, right?”</p><p>“No, since when?”</p><p>“It’s just something we threw together last minute since we’re all leaving tomorrow. Insomnia will be here, and I had Leon invite your family too.”</p><p>“My family? Oh right,” Axel said, still getting used to the idea of Lea being family. “You know I think of you as family too.”</p><p>“Is that right?”</p><p>“Yup. You’re my annoying little brother.”</p><p>“And you’re my fuck-up older brother,” Riku teased. </p><p>“Fuck off,” Axel said, shoving him as the doorbell rang.</p><p>Axel answered it to find the members of Insomnia standing in front of him. He wondered, with a grimace, if they’d all seen Axel with his tongue down Gladio’s throat the previous evening. This was going to be a long fucking tour if their brief liason became a source of drama. Axel wasn’t sure how to play it cool, so he was extremely grateful when Gladio offered a smile and pulled him aside.</p><p>“Hey, I don’t want things to be awkward,” Gladio said. “We can forget it ever happened.”</p><p>“Thanks. But, uh, I at least want to remember how nice you were last night. I’m sorry for leading you on like that.”</p><p>“It’s fine, really,” he replied, and Axel could see from his eyes that he meant it, and he felt relief wash over him.</p><p>Axel debated whether or not to tell Gladio the other events of the previous evening. He decided to go with his gut, which told him Gladio was a cool guy who could be trusted. “You know that guy I told you about? We’re kinda together now.”</p><p>“No shit?”</p><p>“No shit.”</p><p>“So is he coming on tour with us or—?”</p><p>“I invited him, but…”</p><p>“Hey Roxas. Hi Sora,” Gladio said, and Axel turned to see the two of them coming down the stairs together, Sora smiling while Roxas looked mortified by the attention. As sweet as his shyness was, Axel decided then and there that he would shove some confidence into Roxas if it was the last thing he did. </p><p>“He’s so sweet,” Gladio observed quietly.</p><p>“He really is,” Axel agreed proudly, excusing himself to greet them at the bottom of the stairs.</p><p>“What’d you think of Sora’s new clothes?” Axel asked.</p><p>“Huh?” Roxas said, confirming what Axel and Riku had already suspected.</p><p>“Nothing,” Axel shrugged, not wanting to give Roxas another reason to blush. “Did you hear Lea’s coming?”</p><p>Sora was looking past Axel’s head at the front door. “You’re not telling me <em> that’s </em>Lea?”</p><p>Axel turned to find Lea and his family introducing themselves to the members of Insomnia who were still milling by the door. </p><p>“He looks so <em> cool!” </em> Sora marveled.</p><p>As soon as introductions were complete, Lea offered a big smile as he approached them. </p><p>“This is Lea, Lulu, and Ara,” Axel said. “And this is Roxas and Sora.“</p><p>“I didn’t expect you to be here,” Lea said in quiet amazement, looking from Roxas to Axel. Axel could practically hear the unanswered questions racing through his mind. “It’s seriously like meeting a celebrity meeting you two. I’ve been dying to see you since the day I got all of Axel’s memories.”</p><p>He pulled Sora into a hug first before taking a good, long look at Roxas before embracing  him too, and Axel could tell it was emotional for him, and he marveled at how strange it must be to <em> know </em>Roxas without knowing him. Mostly, he wondered what Roxas was making of the interaction. It had to be weird for him too.</p><p>“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Lea said.</p><p>“You too,” Roxas replied.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Well, Axel told me a little bit about you.”</p><p>“Listen, the stalking was <em> his </em> idea,” he insisted, leaning in conspiratorially, his hand on Roxas’s shoulder.</p><p>“Funny, he told me it was <em> your </em>idea,” Roxas grinned, looking at Axel with mock accusation.</p><p>“The two of you can’t gain up on me. I’ll never survive it,” Axel complained.</p><p>“Now you know how I feel,” Lulu said, giving Axel a stern look.</p><p>“We’re not <em> that </em>bad.”</p><p>Lulu rolled her eyes in exasperation before directing her attention to Roxas and Sora while Lea pulled Axel to the side. </p><p>“What the fuck, bro? When were you gonna tell me <em> Roxas </em>was here?!”</p><p>Axel proceeded to explain the whole story to a beaming Lea.</p><p>“You know, Axel, it probably sounds stupid coming from me, but I have to say it… I’m proud of you. You’ve got all these amazing friends, and you’re going to travel the worlds as a famous rock star, and now you’ve got Roxas too. Fuck, you’re cooler than I am! I know I’ve said it before, but I thought for so long that I was a monster for letting Xemnas do what he did to me, and now… I genuinely believe it’s one of the best things that could’ve happened. You’re a great uncle for our daughter, and you’re part of our family. I love you, Axel. You’re seriously the brother I always wanted.”</p><p>“Leaaaa,” Axel whined, pulling him into a hug. “I love you too, and I’ve never been happier to exist than I am right now, so thanks.”</p><p>Lea clapped him on the back. “And just one more thing...and I <em> know </em>I shouldn’t be saying this, but as a married guy who has to live vicariously through you…You made out with Gladio?! I mean—fuck, man—he’s just my type.”</p><p>Axel had to laugh. “I mean, not one of my proudest moments, but I’ll take the compliment.”</p><p>After indulging in some naughty banter with his Somebody, the two of them returned to the living room to find Lulu and Roxas engaged in conversation. Ara was in Roxas’s lap, and even though he seemed to have about as little clue what to do with her as Axel once did, it was a heartwarming sight nonetheless.</p><p>“Think I’m gonna join them. Get to know him a little better,” Lea said.</p><p>“I appreciate it. If he says anything interesting about me, you’ve gotta give me details later,” Axel warned.</p><p>“You know I’ve got you,” Lea grinned, with a little pat to Axel’s arm before he departed.</p><p>Axel went out back to find Leon seated on their balcony couch with Demyx’s head resting in his lap. He was surprised to find they both had cocktails in their hands.</p><p>“Leon, what the hell man? I thought you were never drinking again.”</p><p>“Hair of the dog,” Leon shrugged. </p><p>“So how’s everything with <em> Roxas?” </em>Demyx beamed as he sat up.</p><p>“Everything’s great. Perfect. He’s not coming on tour, but he said he wants to take me on a date,” Axel replied, getting lost in the tenderness of the idea again.</p><p>Leon looked at him with a sappy smile. “We’ve been through so much, Axel. I remember how cynical you used to be. To see you like <em> this. </em>I couldn’t be happier for you.”</p><p>“Oh please! You <em> barely </em>saw the worst of it,” Demyx interjected. “You only got to him after I’d done all the heavy lifting. Imagine what he was like in the beginning!” Demyx said, looking at Axel as though daring him to contradict it.</p><p>“Hey, don’t forget who hooked you up with this amazing guy who you totally don’t deserve,” Axel teased.</p><p>Demyx was unusually sweet (more likely just drunk) when he replied, “I know. Thank you, Axel.” He stood up then, and hugged him before attempting to plant a kiss on his cheek. His aim was subpar, and he kissed Axel fully on the lips instead before turning to Leon, apparently unaware or, at the very least, unconcerned, that he had just kissed Axel in front of his boyfriend.</p><p>Axel just looked at Leon who shrugged before Demyx proceeded to aggressively make out with him.</p><p>Axel beamed at them like a proud parent before looking up to find Namine motioning for him to meet her inside. He joined her and Tifa.</p><p>“You should take Roxas on a walk,” she encouraged. “Something good is going to happen. I can feel it.”</p><p>“She’s always right, you know,” Tifa added, when Axel turned to look regretfully at Lulu, Lea, and Roxas talking animatedly on the couch. He didn’t want to interrupt their bonding time, but he knew Tifa was right, so he did as instructed.</p><p>“Hey, uh, can I talk to Roxas?”</p><p>“Yes,” Lulu agreed, “but I need a minute alone with you first.”</p><p>He followed her to the kitchen. </p><p>“You know I’m not the sentimental type,” she announced, “but I think that’s the sweetest boy I’ve ever met.”</p><p>“Me too,” Axel sighed, pleased to hear she approved and even more pleased to hear a comment so well-deserved for Roxas. </p><p>She looked at him gravely. “I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Lea when we started dating: <em> don’t fuck it up</em>.”</p><p>“So that must’ve been <em>after</em> Lea fucked up by creating me?” he teased. “But hey. I think he’s been pretty good since then, right?”</p><p>Lulu’s face was impassable. “He’s been alright,” she said before breaking into a slight smile. “Better than my ex at least.”</p><p>“Wakka, right?” Axel asked, remembering he’d seen him around the island once or twice. </p><p>“We don’t speak his name,” Lulu deadpanned, as they returned back to the living room to find Roxas and Sora whispering to each other on the couch. They became conspicuously silent when they noticed the two of them approaching, and Axel became very curious as to what they might be talking about. </p><p>“Sorry to interrupt, Sora. Can I take Roxas on a walk with me?” he asked. “Namine’s orders.”</p><p>They all knew better than to question Namine, and Roxas followed him out the door. They slipped off their shoes and walked barefoot into the sand.</p><p>“What were you two laughing about?” Axel inquired.<br/><br/>“Oh nothing,” Roxas deflected. </p><p>Axel realized there would probably be a lot of secrets between Sora and Roxas he would never know about, just like the secrets he and Lea would have, and he would have to accept it since the two of them seemed to make each other so happy.</p><p>“So have you thought more about the tour?” Axel asked as they made their way along the shore. </p><p>“Honestly, I haven’t really had time to think about it. I’ve been so busy meeting everyone.”</p><p>“And what did you think of Lea and Lulu?”</p><p>“I really like Lulu. She told me that I remind her of someone she used to protect. She made me promise to tell her if you ever mess up, so... you’ve been warned,” Roxas teased.</p><p>“I would never, <em> ever </em> cross Lulu, or you for that matter,” Axel replied. “And what about Lea?”</p><p>“Well, he’s just like you, isn’t he? So, yes, I like him,” Roxas said coyly.</p><p>“It seemed like you liked him <em>a lot</em>,” Axel suggested, vaguely beginning to understand the source of Demyx’s anxieties over Prompto. </p><p>“Oh shut up! He’s your Somebody. <em> Of course </em> I find him attractive! At least I didn’t make a move on him like <em> someone </em> I know,” Roxas teased. Axel had to concede he had a point. He supposed he was just lucky that Roxas could joke about something that used to be such a sore spot between them. It meant Roxas had truly forgiven him, and he was grateful.</p><p>“Touche, Roxas,” he smiled. “I’ll drop it. So about the tour...”</p><p>“Wait a second!” Roxas exclaimed. “I <em> remember </em> this place from Sora’s childhood!”</p><p>Roxas started walking rapidly, and Axel followed him across a bridge that led to a small, circular island with a remarkable looking tree that jutted out over the water. Roxas was examining it closely, apparently looking for something.</p><p>As Axel got closer, he could see Roxas was marvelling at a star-shaped yellow fruit. “I’ve never noticed that before,” Axel mused. He’d walked by this little island many times but had never actually been on it. “What kind of fruit is it?”</p><p>Roxas smirked, “I can’t believe it. I know something you don’t for a change.”</p><p>Axel looked at him quizzically. </p><p>“Ask me what it is!” Roxas demanded.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“It’s a paopu fruit!”</p><p>“And it’s so exciting...why?” </p><p>“You’ve never heard the stories before?” Roxas inquired, gently pulling the fruit off the vine</p><p>Axel shook his head. </p><p>Roxas’s face, once enthused, now turned earnest. “The legend goes that if two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They’ll remain a part of each other’s lives no matter what.” </p><p>Axel felt suddenly breathless. The pink glow of the sunset made both Roxas and the fruit look ethereal and bright. “Well, should we?” he whispered to Roxas, who was staring into his eyes with an unintelligible expression.  “There’s nothing I want more than to have you by my side.”</p><p>Roxas smiled back at him. “That’s exactly what I want too.” He took a bite and handed the fruit to Axel, who took one himself. It was sweet and perfectly ripe.</p><p>“I thought I was the happiest I would ever be a few hours ago, but I think it’s possible I’m even happier now,” Axel beamed.</p><p>They sat next to each other on the tree. Roxas lay his head on Axel’s shoulder, and Axel put an arm around him. They passed the paopu fruit back and forth as they watched the setting sun, just as they had done so many times before from the clock tower in Twilight Town.</p><p>“You know what?” Roxas asked. “I’m going on the tour.”</p><p>“And I thought I couldn’t be any happier... Did I mention we’re stopping in San Fransokyo? Remember that night I took you there?”</p><p>“I used to think it was the best day of my life.”</p><p>”I’ll make sure it’s not,” Axel promised.</p><p>“I love you, Axel. <em>So much</em>. Got it memorized?” Roxas asked, looking up at him with a tender smile in the last brilliant glow of the setting sun.</p><p>Axel smiled and kissed his forehead. “Yes, Roxas, I do.”<br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>How precious are these two?<br/>⭐️ ❤️<br/>The incredible <a href="https://shaky-mayhemm.tumblr.com/">@shaky-mayhemm </a>drew some fantastic art for this series that you can see <a href="https://shaky-mayhemm.tumblr.com/post/623749462943203328/no-one-would-miss-me-destinyislandwanderer">here</a>.</p><p>I also wrote a couple of related works, including an Axel/Roxas/Gladio threesome as well as a Leon/Demyx/Prompto threesome if you’re interested!</p><p>If you finished the story, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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